i combed my dreads out yet again. I am very sad but at the same time im not sure it was the right time to have them. It is very hard to try to make the transition and change when surrounded by people who dont understand. Ive made a post about this before, about my boyfriend not liking my dreads. he want non supportive or anything, he just didnt care. He didnt get excited about the loops and all the changes in my hair like i did and i didnt really have anyone to share those exciting moments with. I didnt nesicarliy NEED to share them with someone but it just would have been nice for someone to get excited with me.

I had made a post a while ago about not being sure if i wanted to dread my hair again. I think me not being sure should have been a sign that now is not the time. But i did it anyway and just ended up combing them out and now feeling like i wasted my time and energy just to comb them out. i hate that feeling. and if i try to talk to my boyfriend about it or say i miss my dreads hes like well u shouldnt have combed them out. but what he doesnt understand is that he is one of the main reasons why i comb them out. he didnt once compliment me or tell me i was beautiful for the three months that i had my natural set. but the day i started combing them out and he came home from work and saw what i was doing he said oh who is that pretty girl.. i hurt. A LOT. me having dreads doesnt change who i am or really how I look. All that changes is my hair( to him anyways.. it changes a lot for me but just to someone looking at you thats the only difference) my face is still the same, i still talk the same, IM THE SAME PERSON.. and what really sucks now is that after combing them out i feel ugly. when i had them it was like idk its hard to explain. i didnt really worry about how my hair looked and now i feel like i cant just wash it and let it be because i have to make it look a certain way now. i hate that. i loved myself with them and now i just feel ugly. thats the only way that i can describe it.

but at the same time when i had them i though about combing them out all the time. its weird. i think i just need to do some soul searching and then when the time comes and i finally feel like i can have dreads and actually keep them i will.

i just dont know whats going on in my head anymore. some days i love dreads some days i just wanted my hair and to be "normal" and not have people stare at me when i went to the store and stuff. I just wanted to be my old country girl self again i guess.. idk

anyways. sad to see them gone and its really different, but one day, one day they WILL be back.

Last night i combed out a little section of my hair. I was thinking about taking my dreads out and wanted to see if it was possible. Im thinking about looking for a full time job, and thought it would be easier to do so with out my dreads. I know i know.. i shouldnt compromise my hair for a job. part time just isnt paying enough for everything i need. and id like to find a monday-friday so i wouldnt have to work saturdays so i could spend time with my boyfriend.

Now that ive thought more about it though ive been thinking about going to school. then i could keep them and get a career and not just a job. trouble is ive already been to school and i droped out. It was just really hard and i didnt know what i wanted to do, and still dont. i dont really want to pay an arm and a leg to study things im not even sure i want to do for the rest of my life. so i really still have no idea what i want to go to school for.

and still dont know if im going to comb out my hair or not. i just feel so confused... THIS SUCKS! at least i managed to figure out what to cook for dinner... on a positive note lol

Well its been around 2 months.. i dont remember the day exactly because it took me a while to TnR my whole head.. so around the beg. of the month.

Ive notied some significant shrinking. A lot of them got really really loopy, and like crawled up on them selves. Now they are really short and have like a ball at the end. One shrunk so much that it looked like a big fat zig zag.. i wraped it with some yarn a couple days ago. I should have taken a picture fist.. darn it.

The dreads on the left side are comming a long more than the right. I sleep in the left side more i guess.

My heads been axtremely itcy for a while now.. i wash every 2 days but i might make it every other day and see if that helps. I didnt have a itchy scalp before dreads, and whats really weird is that with my first set i was really really itcy too. But i figured it was bc i didnt wash my hair AT ALL for 5 months. YUK.

Other than that i cant really think of much else. Just enjoying the journey!!

today im really stuggaling with my dreads. i twist and ripped my bangs yesterday, and then i decided i didnt want them dreaded today.. so i combed them out. buut then i couldnt stop. so i took out a couple more. and now im thinking i want to comb them all out. i got in the shower and put conditioner on my hair.. and now im just stuck. idk what i want and the reason i did this was to actually stick with it and grow and change. and now im trying to quit?! idk whats going on.. it doesnt make it any better that i come from a small town. its pretty country lol.. and my boyfriend doesnt like my dreads.. so he saw me combing some out and got really excited.. so now im just really confused.. ugh. i knew id do this to my self : (

Ok so on a lighter note..im at my one month mark of my twist and rip/neglect dreads! Not really much going on but progress.. very slow progress. It doesnt seem like a lot is going on because i dont look that often i do feel a lot of loops and im still having trouble on the sides of my head with them wanting to congo at the roots. I popped some beeds on some of them and it seems tpo be helping a little bit, even if only to know where some of the dreads are! yes it gets that bad. The right side of my scalp feel like a big fuzz ball. the left isnt as bad.. wich is weird actually cuz i sleep on my left side more.Other than that they are soaking up the love!

One other thing i noticed doesnt even have anything to do with my hair its self..

ok ill try not to ramble

one of the reasons i decided to lock up was because im not eally all that happy with they way ive been living my life.. i dont know how to say this so here goes.. this isnt a sob story or nything lol. im just a mean person. I dont know what in my life made me that way but i just have up all theese walls and the biggest part is anger, and im just not ver nice. I wish i wasnt like that and im trying to change.

so anywho the other day at work i noticed that this one lady had been on the phone ssince she got there. she came in.. got on the phone. ( an i work at fedex so u cant take ur ohone into work. so she was on the work phone/s) then we had pre work.. then she got on the phone.. then we were going to our work stations.. she was on the phone. my first thought was damn get off the phone and do some work... jeeze thats all uve dont since uve been here. Now mind u she was smiling and carrying on in theese conversarins.. so thats why i got up set.. but then i stopped my self and said hey u know what mayne she has a sick kid or somehting is going on in her life why do u have to be such a negative nancy. just let her be.. let it be.

normally i would have never stopped and thought about it like that. so my dreads are teaching me! they really are.. and i love them : )

(i feel like i made myself look like a bitch in this blog.. im not i just have a problem with poeple.. i dont really like most of them and a lot of them are judgemental and ass holes.. and unfortunatly those people seem to flock to me..)

So. I had started my dreads for the second time on the 1st of December 2011, and right after Christmas I took them out : ( soo im starting again.. for the third time. idk what my obsession with dreads is/ nor what keeps making me comb them out. But this time lets see if i can do it : ) i didnt like the part of my hair before so i got my hair cut and got my bangs back.. yay.. dreadies again!! I need to not listen to people when they say they dont want me to have them.. especially my boyfriend. I know he will still love me weather i have dreads or not.. i just get tired of hearing how he misses my hair sometimes lol. so this time too bad baby they are staying!

Last night i washed my hair with the nag champa dreadlock shampoo bar.. first off it smells AWESOME!! second..after my hair air dried i noticed i had 2 baby dreads forming! and its only been 11 days without a comb!i am so super excited to see what else is comming! I love that about natural/neglectdreads rather than when i had them back combed at a salon, the fact that everyday they suprise you with something new is totally awesome! i love that they have the ability to just do what ever they want and form how they want! i think ill wash with the shampoo bars while they are stillbabies and my hair is just getting situated. when they figure out where they like and start dreadingthen illdo a bs acv rinse and prolly stick with that as to not disrupt the dreads.. other than that thats my progress so far! yay dreads!! : )