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Location: Brownsburg, IN
Zipcode: 46112
Country: US


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user image 2012-06-01
By: Lindsey3
Posted in:

i combed my dreads out yet again. I am very sad but at the same time im not sure it was the right time to have them. It is very hard to try to make the transition and change when surrounded by people who dont understand. Ive made a post about this before, about my boyfriend not liking my dreads. he want non supportive or anything, he just didnt care. He didnt get excited about the loops and all the changes in my hair like i did and i didnt really have anyone to share those exciting moments with. I didnt nesicarliy NEED to share them with someone but it just would have been nice for someone to get excited with me.

I had made a post a while ago about not being sure if i wanted to dread my hair again. I think me not being sure should have been a sign that now is not the time. But i did it anyway and just ended up combing them out and now feeling like i wasted my time and energy just to comb them out. i hate that feeling. and if i try to talk to my boyfriend about it or say i miss my dreads hes like well u shouldnt have combed them out. but what he doesnt understand is that he is one of the main reasons why i comb them out. he didnt once compliment me or tell me i was beautiful for the three months that i had my natural set. but the day i started combing them out and he came home from work and saw what i was doing he said oh who is that pretty girl.. i hurt. A LOT. me having dreads doesnt change who i am or really how I look. All that changes is my hair( to him anyways.. it changes a lot for me but just to someone looking at you thats the only difference) my face is still the same, i still talk the same, IM THE SAME PERSON.. and what really sucks now is that after combing them out i feel ugly. when i had them it was like idk its hard to explain. i didnt really worry about how my hair looked and now i feel like i cant just wash it and let it be because i have to make it look a certain way now. i hate that. i loved myself with them and now i just feel ugly. thats the only way that i can describe it.

but at the same time when i had them i though about combing them out all the time. its weird. i think i just need to do some soul searching and then when the time comes and i finally feel like i can have dreads and actually keep them i will. :(

i just dont know whats going on in my head anymore. some days i love dreads some days i just wanted my hair and to be "normal" and not have people stare at me when i went to the store and stuff. I just wanted to be my old country girl self again i guess.. idk

anyways. sad to see them gone and its really different, but one day, one day they WILL be back.

06/07/12 03:32:39PM @ixchel:

we are here to share with. I love drooling over everyones loops :)

I'm sorry he was so unsupportive & hurtful about it. Does he notice how much you miss them? How much you loved them? My husband has been like that about things before, but when he realizes how much it means to me he wants me to be happy & loves who i am regardless of how I change my appearance.

Do what makes you happy.

I do hope that you start them up again someday, even if that is a long ways away. & I hope I'm around to watch your natural progress :)

06/07/12 12:35:55AM @purkurr:

What do you think the dread-lifestyle is? I'm not sure. I guess it has something to do with smoking pot (maybe!) and.. not having a job or something more spiritual? Maybe I haven't got to that part when people start talking about a lifestyle. :D

Perhaps the biggest "fear" for me is getting labeled - I don't want to be categorized as a weed-smoking dreadhippie, but I suppose some people always will do so. I liked to "anonymity" of straight hair; no one could know "what" you are, where you come from, what you do.Of course, I shouldn't care what other people think about me, but hey, I'm only human!

Ok, gotta go to work! I'll leave you with a nice quote from the Dalai Lama <3:

There is only one important point you must keep in your mind and let it be your guide. No matter what people call you, you are just who you are. Keep to this truth. You must ask yourself how is it you want to live your life. We live and we die, this is the truth that we can only face alone. No one can help us, not even the Buddha. So consider carefully, what prevents you from living the way you want to live your life?

06/06/12 07:18:38PM @lindsey3:

I feel very much the same way :) I work for FedEx so i mean its not really any pressure on how you look there.. every one is dirty and sweaty pretty much all day long. Something inside me does need to change, and i think im going to figure some things out. Dreads are ALWAYS an option, i can always just not comb my hair. im still not using a comb, just my fingers. For now im content having "normal" hair, although i know im not normal and one day my dreadies will be back :) and right now thats good enough for me.

I just dont think im ready for the whole lifestyle of dreads and how permanent they are. When people say its not just a hairstyle its a lifestly.. they are speaking truth. I knew that going in... i just thought i was prepared for the journey, but in reallity i suppose i wasnt. I started thinking that they are just so permanent, am i really really sure i will want these 10 years from now? I dont even know what i want from MYSELF 2 years from now let alone what kind of lifestyle ill be living.

i hope that you stay strong in your journey though! I know we had a conversation a while back before we started growing dreads and we both felt the same way about not being sure wether or not we were ready to commit i guess. but i am glad that your still going :) Keep me posted!!

06/06/12 12:36:49AM @purkurr:

Noo! So sorry to hear you combed your dreads out - but I know what you're going through, at least I think I do.

My previous boyfriend was a bit like yours, I think. He didn't like dreads - at least not on my head - and when I couple of times had dreads and then combed them out he was more than relieved. So, not very supportive. :/ My current boyfriend luckily loves dreads, and he said just last week that he is really pleased with my messy hair look. In the beginning of my natural progress he was like, "oh no, you can't just let it be, you have to get your dreads done" but now he's cool.

I also have issues with what I think people think of me. It really sucks. I'm worried about next Fall, when I go back to school; I need to have a part-time job. I was just at a job interview for a law firm (I had my hair pulled in quite a tight bun). I'm a bit worried whether they will take me or not. I know that if they take me I'm going to feel such a huge pressure from outside not to have dreads (you know, all those pretty lawyer ladies in their suits and make-up and all). I feel like, if I didn't have dreads I would fit in more better - but then again, do I really want to fit in in a place like that?

Now, at my summer job, the social pressure is also on - some mornings I'm just so sick of putting my dreads the same way every single morning. I wish I could put them into a ponytail, for example, but that would show my dreads too much. Feels like I'm hiding. But, it's just three months, so... I hope I can manage.

Last Sunday I was feeling a bit bad about my dreads. I wanted to be "normal"... I told my boyfriend about it and he said that.. It really isn't about the hair, after all. If you have dreads, you don't want them, if you don't have dreads, you want them. And the cycle goes on and on and on...I think it's more about the inside, something should change there. I think I have a really strong sense of wanting to fit in, and having dreads is really a huge sign of not fitting in and that bothers me from time to time.

Oh well, a long rant. But.. stay strong in your opinions and go the way you want. :)

06/03/12 10:40:35AM @lindsey3:

Thank you guys for you kind words and input. I reallly do miss them and it sucks i lost all the progress. I was amazed at how fast my hair knotted up. It still wants to knot up, and i want to let it... but at the same time i dont. Just because im not sure if ill comb them out again. I dont know why but its like i have this constant back and forth of wanting to comb my hair out when i have dreads. I do know that when i dread again i will go completely natural this time. i had always wished i ad done it that way last time instead of TnR. Might take more than 3 months to see the progress i had last time but thats ok :)

06/01/12 04:17:13PM @stephani:

Cowboy boots and dreads are hot together!! :) I recently went to a hole in wall country bar and was surprised at how many country folk loved my dreads. I even almost had one girl talked into letting me tnr a piece of her hair that night LOL! She was drunk to I ultimately decided against it, I told her to wait till she was sober. My point is though, that really can't go through life worried what others may think of you. Trust me, I know this from experience. I spent a very good portion of my life worried what others might think of the choices I made, or how I looked. Once I let all of of that go I felt so free. So if you want to wear your hair in dreads and rock your cowgirl boots, by all means then girl, do it! There is no fashion rule against that, and if there is, who cares. Re-write the rule. You can always do a little braid or two with dreads :) and you can rock your cowboy hat as well :). Embrace who you are, and if the person you want to be has dreads, then so be it. You are still young, I promise one day you'll figure all of this out, it just takes time.

☮ soaring eagle ॐ
06/01/12 02:52:21PM @soaring-eagle:

if cowboy boots and dreads dont go together then go barefoot

ive met a few cops with dreads..but u were only thinking about going to school for that and said u dont know what you want to do with your life so why does that matyer your hair wont interfere withyour carreer but your family and bf and those who are negative around you will interfere with yor happiness

you felt better with dreads right/ happier/ more beautiful? more like yoirself?

then you need them for you and u need to not let those around you hold you back

if they are negative..stand up for ypureself tell them off tell them they have no right to make you feel bad about something that n[]makes u feel good

06/01/12 02:50:10PM @lindsey3:

valerie.. pertty much! lol im not good at putting my thoughts into words really.. i just kind of ramble and stuff. But yea thats kinda how i feel. my boyfriends not a bad person he treats me like a princes he really does. ive been with him for 4 years.. and probably anout 2 years ago he would have been all down for for the dreads, but now that we arent in high school anymore and we dont spend the majority of our time smoking weed and getting messed up and stuff we have real world jobs and he just donesnt really see dreads the way he used to. ESPECIALLY since i had my salon ones.. i didnt wash my hair for 5 months.. to him it was the whole dirty hippy type thing. and i can understand why he wouldnt want me to have them again after that.. i didnt want them after that lol.. but he said i just like running my fingers through your hair .. which liked too.. i LOVE head rubs and when people play with your hair. lol.. so i didnt mean to make him look bad... it just hurt my feelings when i realized he hadnt said i was pretty or anything the whole time i had dreads.

06/01/12 02:45:54PM @valrie:

Just to give you a glimmer of hope: I have a friend who is a lawyer and has dreadlocks. If you do go to school for CJ, and you want locks badly enough, start them at the beginning of your education so that by the time you graduate they will have matured. A teacher's opinion should not matter and if they are biased you can always report them.

06/01/12 02:40:43PM @lindsey3:

umm a lot of things combined i think. i started thinking about going to school for criminal justice and thought who would take me seriuosly when i went to get a job and my boyfriend.. and my mom and other people who would say stuff and i just started thinking.. idk what i want for my future so i guess until il figure that out ill just have regular hair.

im not one for the whole stereotyping thing but it sucks that even still society looks down on locks. i want doing it because im some stoner and bob marley had them ( granted at one point that is why i wanted them.. i was young and was in high school and had a totally different mantality) i wanted them for reasons a just cant explain. Even when i was a little kid i had this rocking horse that my grandad made and he used an old mop for the hair on the horse and i used to always say i liked the horseys hair lol.. but ive always had an obsession for dreads. but actually growing them is a different story.

when i first had dreads i got them back combed and waxed and it was nasty. swore id never do it again. then i found this site and learned about all the other methods of creating/growing dreads and i thought id give it another go. and something in me just isnt ready i guess.. somethin just kept sayin to comb them out.. or you know ur only 3 months along it wont be as hard to take them out now as it would if u waited..or cowgirl boots and dreads dont really go together ( dont ask lol.. id have days where id want to be country again and then days where i wanted my flip flops and old t shirts and not to care) i have a weird thought process.. always thinking that when i walk into a room people are talking about me and stuff.. idk if im paranoid or what but ive always been that way..

not to get all into my "issues" or whatever lol.. im just figuring things out i guess.

its weird some days i dont give a crap what people think others i do. i think i have multiple personality disorder lol

this is extremely long and im rambling a lot. ive been alone all day doing laundry and stuff lol.. i need to like go to the store or something! hehe :p

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