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Loss of my love

Honeybee
@honeybee
10 years ago
21 posts
My boyfriend of 13 years was hit and killed by a car while riding his bicycle a couple of weeks ago. I have never dealt with a loss of this kind before. I was just wondering if anyone has advice for me on how to get through this kind of thing because getting completely obliterated every day is starting to take it's toll on me.I feel so lost and empty inside. He was my life and now he's gone.


updated by @honeybee: 02/14/15 08:05:44AM
☮ soaring eagle ॐ
@soaring-eagle
10 years ago
29,443 posts
getting obliterraated is the worxdse thing u can dostop thattry a greif councelor 1stif the greif councelors not helpful enough id recomend a mourning cerimony you might not like this but1 take all objects that remind u of him and remove them from the home except a couple special items to be used in the cerimonynext cut your hair dreads hold all our past experiences and at times it is appropriate to seperate from our past to move on this might be 1 of thiose timesnext, burry those few items u set aside along with your dreads while saying what you need to say to him then releasing him ..and yourselfits probably too soon to concider or do the cerimony tho you need to exoperience the greif begfoere moving onnot in a drunken haze but clear headedand u need to talk to someone who can help you through thiswhen he passed they should have offered u the grief counceling especialy because of the nature of it


--
30 years growing dreadlocks the natural way
My dreads are over 10 feet long

also on the board of, and a student glider pilot with freedoms wings international - soaring for people with disabilities
neil coe
@neil-coe
10 years ago
361 posts
oh im so sorry to hear this, SE right though dont beat yourself up like that, and a ceremony sounds good to, i seen a few people cut their hair in the same way, powerful stuff sometimes, if you need to talk to someone drop me a message, peace and love, be strong................
Heather Gamble
@heather-gamble
10 years ago
145 posts
wow im so sorry for your loss and getting messed up everyday isnt going to help but you and i both know that i just hope u stop before its too late....i understand nearly everyone does it i do it myself and sometimes its part of your journey.... i recommend wat SE suggested you do... because u cant get fucked up forever trust me i know that from exp...i used to be a heroin addict for many years....one day while getting high with my friend he overdosed and i was unable to save him he died while i was doing cpr....it was very hard to deal with and i continued to get high and try to forget...this was a dear dear friend and i felt it was my fault and probably was but i cant change that and i know he wouldnt want to see me kill myself over it and neither does your boyfriend....i know how hard this must be and i cant imagine how u feel no one can but u need to talk to someone so that you in time can continue to live..
Panterra Caraway
@panterra-caraway
10 years ago
667 posts
Hi Darlin'! Everyone here has given great advice, as always. You will find that the people here are very loving and kind...something you need to surround yourself with right now. I think SE is 100% on target with the counselor and the ceremony...but you do have to be ready to do those things and a couple of weeks is very soon. Let me add this to the mix...I, like Maxe, have seen spirits since I was about five. He is right when he says that no one is ever truly gone. Four years ago I lost my best friend to AIDS. Although I can see spirits, it doesn't necessarily work the same for me...I couldn't see Greg. I felt cheated because i was like.."I see all these strangers and I can give messages to everyone but me!" It was hard cuz I felt the lost of him fresh again everyday. But, before long...I started to really look and I saw signs all around that he was close by. He told me that if he could ever come back he would be a hummingbird. We laughed, but I began to see them everywhere...especially on my darkest days. It took 4 years to be able to say his name without sobbing. He knows everything that is happening and he knows your heart, he still feels your love. Talk with him...make him apart of the letting go, you aren't betraying him to do that. If there is any thing I can do or say, please let me know. I send you healing light and wish you peace. You are not alone. Hugs.
GreyGargoyle
@greygargoyle
10 years ago
569 posts
He loves you, you are not and never will be alone. He'll always be there. I'm going through a really hard loss as well but mine might only be temporary, I still feel your pain and I think that it's easier to go on remembering someone that loves you than to deal with someone who you love when they are confused about their feelings for you. Wish you luck. Just remember, he is around you and always will be waiting for you on the other side.
recoverytrouble
@recoverytrouble
10 years ago
70 posts
Getting wasted daily isn't going to do you any good, short or long term. Counselling is your first step. A support group will show you physically that you're not alone & there will be others in similar situations more than willing to help you through the dark times. I sincerely hope you will take the advice the guys here are offering. Developing a destructive habit will make things far worse than they need to be. Please keep yourself focused on all the beautiful, positive things about your life with him & remember you are blessed to have had such a bond. Don't let this beat you.
Cavewoman
@cavewoman
10 years ago
165 posts
Honeybee, losing a loved one is tragic, and it's understandable why you put yourself in a hazed state, but this doesn't really help does it? It never does, you still remember them, and while it may hurt less, it just hurts more once the haze wares off.I may not have know your love, but anyone who loves someone else would never want to see the person they love go through this.The others are right when they say he's not really gone. You may not be able to physically feel him right next to you, but he is. Like they said, talk to him, you never know when you might actually get a reply in some way.sending love and hugs your way girley.I also think se's suggestions are wise. You can always come here for more support and love, because you know you'll always be able to find it.Much Love hun.Peace.
Matt4
@matt4
10 years ago
13 posts
So sorry to hear about your loss... My sister's bf killed himself a year ago and it affected all of my family very deeply so i understand what you must be going through... All above is great advice and while there's no one thing you can ever do that will make the pain go away, things do get better in time. You can never 'move on', but you learn to live every day with the person in your heart, just not physically next to you...i wish you all the best and sending you all good energy...
Honeybee
@honeybee
10 years ago
21 posts
Yes I definitely feel like he is with me. He will always be a part of who I am therefore he always will be with me. Thank you :) Maxe said:
Hi,

Very sorry for your loss.

Not sure if this helps but it can't do any harm I guess: I first saw spirits of "deceased" humans when I was 2-3 years old and I've come to learn that nothing or noone ever dies, what we perceive as death is instead a continuation of life..just in another form.
In my experience our memories, experiences, thoughts and emotions remain intact, and our love connects the 2 densities of life in a bond that can never be broken.

I'm not saying that it's wrong to grieve or that you should let anyone tell you how to feel and for how long... just saying that even tho such a 'seperation' leaves us feeling like we're left alone in a pit of despair, we are really never alone - our loved ones are only a thought or emotion away.

Best wishes
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