Loss of my love

@honeybee
14 years ago
21 posts

Thank you

I've been giving myself a few hours each day where all I do is sit and listen to the music we shared and look thru photos or just let the memories of us flood over me. It is getting easier but I know I still have alot of healing to do. It's just now starting to sink in that I will never see him,hold him,hear him laugh again. But the memories I have are very dear to me. He was a very vibrant, loving, amazing person and it just doesn't feel right at all with him gone. Roxanne Berg said:

I'm so sorry this happened. My advice, for what it's worth, is when you begin to go into a funk consciously make a decision to think of good times and memories. The good times are what will get you through. Also, it is cliche but absolutely true, that it will get easier. Time is the great healer. Too, opening up to your friends so that we can help support you is a great step.

updated by @honeybee: 07/09/15 11:52:46PM

@honeybee
14 years ago
21 posts

I've been trying to cut the boozin and druggin down and to make sure I have plenty of time each day to reflect on our life together. I see memories of him and us everywhere. I've been avoiding certain places like the grocery store that we used to ride our bikes to every night,just cuz I got sick of breaking down in public. Your right, I feel so blessed to have had that bond and love filled relationship with him. I' very grateful for all of the people who have been helping me thru this either physically or in spirit. It's definitely changing my opinion about the human race:) recoverytrouble said:

Getting wasted daily isn't going to do you any good, short or long term. Counselling is your first step. A support group will show you physically that you're not alone & there will be others in similar situations more than willing to help you through the dark times. I sincerely hope you will take the advice the guys here are offering. Developing a destructive habit will make things far worse than they need to be. Please keep yourself focused on all the beautiful, positive things about your life with him & remember you are blessed to have had such a bond. Don't let this beat you.

@honeybee
14 years ago
21 posts

I've actually thought about that. He didn't choose to leave me. He loved me even as he died. The last thing he told me before he left that day was that he loved me. I never doubted it because every day of my life with him he made sure he showed me how deeply he cared. Its so hard going from completely almost blissfully carefree and happy to completely sad,and empty. I've decided to try to keep the carefree part though. I'm not going back to work for a while and have been living out of my car until I find out where this new journey I'm on will take me. GreyGargoyle said:

He loves you, you are not and never will be alone. He'll always be there. I'm going through a really hard loss as well but mine might only be temporary, I still feel your pain and I think that it's easier to go on remembering someone that loves you than to deal with someone who you love when they are confused about their feelings for you. Wish you luck. Just remember, he is around you and always will be waiting for you on the other side.

@honeybee
14 years ago
21 posts

I'm not going to cut my dreads,for this reason, they hold memories of him in them,every so often when a new one would start or change I would make sure to show him,plus he teased me about them and called me cute names like ragdoll n stuff. And I love them!!! As far as the gettin fucked up thing I think I'm startin to get a grip on that and am just trying to spend more time with my family and his family. I learned back in highschool that numbing your pain only prolongs the healing process but for a good minute there I really just couldn't deal,I think now I am starting to be able to

soaringeagle said:

getting obliterraated is the worxdse thing u can do
stop that
try a greif councelor 1st
if the greif councelors not helpful enough id recomend a mourning cerimony you might not like this but
1 take all objects that remind u of him and remove them from the home except a couple special items to be used in the cerimony
next cut your hair dreads hold all our past experiences and at times it is appropriate to seperate from our past to move on this might be 1 of thiose times
next, burry those few items u set aside along with your dreads while saying what you need to say to him then releasing him ..and yourself

its probably too soon to concider or do the cerimony tho you need to exoperience the greif begfoere moving on
not in a drunken haze but clear headed
and u need to talk to someone who can help you through this
when he passed they should have offered u the grief counceling especialy because of the nature of it

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Loss of my love

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