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Being polite on the site

Cavewoman
@cavewoman
9 years ago
165 posts
Often I read through discussions and when a method comes up that is not really "welcomed" on this forum (crochet, wax, any dreadhead product, etc.) the response from some people makes me cringe.This is a friendly site and I feel like sometimes people just respond to people like their being impatient with them. Like: "Hello! haven't you looked around the site? don't you know what you're are doing is stupid, GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" and it just feels cocky, arrogant, and unfriendly.When people are coming to us for help, we shouldn't treat them like some uneducated little kid and try to make them feel bad about themselves.I just feel like some people on here think they're "the shit" and don't have patience in explaining things.If someone's going to be ignorant and not take your advice, against all the knowledge that's available on here, then it's their loss, but there's no need to get attitude about it. Maybe I'm just reading things wrong, but I'm sure some people would agree with me when I say sometimes it just sounds like some people have attitude on here.Give your advice, try not to use words that are degrading, and if someone ignorant just won't have it, stay cool and let it be.Peace.
updated by @cavewoman: 02/14/15 08:52:28AM
GreyGargoyle
@greygargoyle
9 years ago
569 posts
Reading things wrong, definitely. You really have to understand that most of us don't have a perfect day everyday and we can't just be NICE all the time. It's just not possible. You really have to let everyone be themselves or you're losing character. I don't sugar coat things when I answer people and if I did then I wouldn't be me and I honestly think that is why some of the people on this site do like me, it's because I am just me. I have been unnecessarily rude at times but like I said, it might be because I've had a bad day. Anyway, this is the most friendliest site on the net and that's the truth...even with me and whatever other people you are talking about. This site is still the friendliest and the most accepting. So if you take me away and whatever other people you are talking about you would only be taking away a few select characters and that wouldn't necessarily make a good change. And usually I am pretty nice to newcomers.
neil coe
@neil-coe
9 years ago
361 posts
yea i agree, there is a little tension here sometime, even a month or 2 ago it was almost unheard of, but i guess with so many new people brings more opinions and some people just love to "be right" lol very narrowed minded. and i dont think having a bad day gives right to be "unnecessarily rude" this is and should be a peaceful place, and when im having a bad day, coming here and reading and being informed and a part of something, a family like, it tends to make my day better, yes you should give your honest opinion but yet we should all be understanding some people just dont know, thats what this site is for to help get real info out, not to get short tempered when someone asks a question or gives their opinion, even if it is dumb,
☮ soaring eagle ॐ
@soaring-eagle
9 years ago
29,338 posts
there aere no personality flaws only personality diffgerences and u just gotta expect some personality differences to clashsomeone who responds well to gargoyles bluntness would benifit from the strong words while ignoring more gently put statements while someone else might preffer to be treatted more gently and get offended by blunt statementssure it would help if we were all empathicly able to guess just who would respond best to what but thats not an optionpeople will just be themselves some ppl wull like some ppl more then others its all okbut if u see someone say somethiong harsh that u might think might offend someone feel free to soothe it over by saying somethng like "dont mind him he might seem mean but hes just passionate dont take offence its just how he is" or som,ething that way ppl know its not anything personal like an attack its just a personality traite


--
27 years growing dreadlocks the natural way
My dreads are over 10 feet long

also on the board of, and a student glider pilot with freedoms wings international - soaring for people with disabilities
❂•Paula•❂
@opaulao
9 years ago
751 posts
I agree with you cavewoman that some people need more understanding than they do repremanding(especially new people). Some people who don't respond well to critisizm may be put off of the site completely by a negative response...so I guess we just have to deal with it as it comes.But like SE says, some people respond differently to different approaches. If you see a blunt/negative comment, counter it with an extra nice one :)
Cavewoman
@cavewoman
9 years ago
165 posts
I wouldn't ask someone to change who they are, but maybe consider the way you're putting your sentences together. Sometimes it just sounds like a hidden insult within something that's supposed to sound nice.I dunno. It's not like it's happening all the time, but when it does I just feel bad for the person.I just think it's more encouraging to someone self esteem and to their whole journey when they don't feel like something they're doing is "stupid."that's just the main word I have a problem with I guess. Yea maybe it's the first grader inside myself that still gets angry and hurt when I'm called stupid, but while sometimes it really doesn't affect you, when you're in search and entrusting random strangers to help you, stupid still hurts =/
☮ soaring eagle ॐ
@soaring-eagle
9 years ago
29,338 posts
agreed instead of saying like crochet is a stupid idea say simething like crochet is popular and pushed alot by salons because it makes a extreme tidy look but its not a smart thing to do because it makes them weak very damaged and will make you have to constantly fix themandthe people recomending it love to keep yopu ignorant of that fact so they can charge for the serviceits important to stress that they arent dumb for believing things instead they were lied to so its easy to see why they believe it


--
27 years growing dreadlocks the natural way
My dreads are over 10 feet long

also on the board of, and a student glider pilot with freedoms wings international - soaring for people with disabilities
Island Mamma
@island-mamma
9 years ago
530 posts
I said it in Pixies thread and it applies here as well.Interpretation is in the readers eyes.It's colored by your own expectations and assumptions. You expect a certain response or answer and then inject your own feelings and experiences into assuming what tone something was offered in.I find this forum very mellow and peaceful and sure once and awhile there is a disagreement usually by someone misinterpreting some one elses responses and then sound off about it.Aside from obvious targeting like we saw when SE was caled names and we were all lumped in as having shit locks etcI certainly do not want to police any one and I don't want to be policed.I don't feel like we should be going around apologizing for anyones words but our own.If you personally have a problem with some ones words or preceveid tones take it up with that person directly.
NaturalWomyn
@naturalwomyn
9 years ago
849 posts
ummm i'm REALLY not being rude but i just wanna make sure this is a legit discussion this time and not a hacker like the last one similar to this??
NaturalWomyn
@naturalwomyn
9 years ago
849 posts
couldn't agree more IslandMamma! We are all adults so lets act like it! I DO try and be kynd to everyone here as i would be if i met you on the street but nobody should have to censor their personalities here. We have freedom of speech and we should use it. It is just the internet. Island Mamma said:
I said it in Pixies thread and it applies here as well.

Interpretation is in the readers eyes.

It's colored by your own expectations and assumptions. You expect a certain response or answer and then inject your own feelings and experiences into assuming what tone something was offered in.

I find this forum very mellow and peaceful and sure once and awhile there is a disagreement usually by someone misinterpreting some one elses responses and then sound off about it.

Aside from obvious targeting like we saw when SE was caled names and we were all lumped in as having shit locks etc

I certainly do not want to police any one and I don't want to be policed.

I don't feel like we should be going around apologizing for anyones words but our own.

If you personally have a problem with some ones words or preceveid tones take it up with that person directly.
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