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Not sure what to do. I've been depressed for the past few days, which would be understandable if something had happened to influence these feelings. But there's nothing. And to be honest it's very draining. I feel ridiculous typing this up, but I figure that maybe if I express it some way it will make it a little better and help straiten out my thoughts. I don't have much to be sad about, quite the contrary I have a lot to be happy about. Not sure what to do with myself. Yesterday I was on my way home from work and I felt something hit my seat belt. I look in the backseat and on the floor is this little baby bird. Fortunately, I drive with my window down. What a crazy experience. The birds doing fine, for any with concerns. He's outside and I'm hoping he gets strong enough to fly away soon.I don't understand why I feel like this. It makes sense, but I don't understand. And I don't know what to do about it. I know I'll feel better eventually I always do. But I never know how long it'll last. And I don't really want to deal with it. Don't have much of a choice I guess. Been feeling isolated too. So that doesn't help. Anywho, it can always be worse and it can always get better. Toodles.

I really hate being alone... I don't mean alone relationship wise either I mean alone alone... being alone in my apartment because my roommate is working and not having the gas to go hang out with someone else... My roommate and I work opposite schedules so I don't get to see her very much.. then when we happen to have time off together her boyfriend is over or she is with him... lately he has really gotten on my nerves and I hate that feeling. It happened often with my old roomie in Tucson's last two boyfriends. He is just joking but it gets disrespectful about the deaf community I hang out with (im learning sign language) saying that they are retarded and dumb and can't talk... which isn't true...Don't get me wrong sometimes you need to be alone and I enjoy it when I need it. At this point however I have had enough of it. It's been about 4 months since I broke up with my boyfriend and I tried being friends with him. That definitely didn't work out because he wanted more and just does stupid shit and pisses me off everytime even a text or anything comes up about him. In Phoenix I only have about 4 friends I can hang out with (or want to I should say) One I live with and the others are very busy or work opposite schedules. One friend is a guy I have liked since H.S. and when we hang out it always seems awkward like we are both too shy so I feel weird asking him to hang out just the two of us. I am not sure how he feels about me at all so I don't want to mess up the friendship. The others either have a significant other or no car so it's hard to hang out with them.I have watched most of the movies I own several many times and I have started creating hair accessories so I can sell them and keep me occupied. Many times my roomie will be off a night where I am home but she is going out with her guy to one of his friends birthdays or just a party. I've tried dropping subtle hints about wanting to meet new people and all that but I never get invited. It all feels exactly like when I was with my ex and never got invited to hang out with my friends because none of them liked him, now he is out of the picture and I am starting to think it was me they didn't like. I know it's not true but it seems weird. Not even an offer to hang. Part of why I want to get out of Phoenix so badly is I know no one here and the people aren't the kind of people I want to be around. This site is they kind of people I want to be around. Downtown Phoenix has alot of artistic and creative people and I am trying to find a second job down there. I did some work with an art festival and met some great people but that festival is only in April so the rest of the year I have nothing like that.This is all starting to really affect me and put me in a deep depression.. I am trying very hard to stay positive about it all. I know it will all work out and things will change and I am trying to look for the opportunities and not wait for it to happen. I said the other day I don't need a boyfriend but I want one. I miss cuddling and having someone to talk to and make me feel special and beautiful. It's especially hard when my roomie has such a fantastic relationship and I hear them in the other room all the time giggling, talking or having sex. Then get left out of things cuz Im a third wheel. I know it's not their intentions but I feel like they are rubbing it in. (Which is not the case at all but I am jealous)I feel like I need a change of scenery move to a new city or to move back to Tucson. I would do theatre because that always seems to get me in a better mood but I cannot afford to do a show since it eats up my nights and weekends and pays very little or nothing at all.At this point I am just rambling and complaining but I needed to put this down. If you took the time to read this I appreciate it.

So I know awhile back when I joined this site I posted my intro saying that I was worried I might need to cut my dreads to get the job I was trying to get well a lot of you showed concern and support telling me not to cut them. I sure havent haha. My dreads are growing in great, getting tons of cool lil loops and unique quirks to each and every one of them.Well I interviewed for my job almost two months ago now and I didnt hear back from them for several weeks. I had applied as an EMT for a private summer snowboard camp and I was not certified in that state at the time. I completed all the steps I needed to to take the national registry test, took that and passed my first try! I got home from school and received an email telling me that I did not get the job. I was a little bummed but not too surprised because Id been made aware they receive roughly 5-7 THOUSAND applications per summer for around 100 staff positions. so I just moved on and began working on my parents new house at home and just enjoying life.Well there was a big snowboard contest coming up in Portland and I talked to a few friends of mine who had qualified and my buddy and I decided we would drive down there for the weekend together. I had other friends coming from PA, CO, ID, WA, CA and more (like I said, its a pretty big contest). Well corey and I slept the first night in my civic up in Government Camp at the base of Mt. Hood. Well that just so happens to be where the camp Id applied at is. We got up and went to a lil coffee shop there and chilled for awhile since we didnt need to be in Portland for at least six hours and we didnt have anywhere to go there. I decided I would go by the camp office, put my head in the door, introduce myself, shake some hands and get a face-to-face hoping that would help me get a job there possibly next year. Little did I know what the next five minutes would hold.Since it was Friday of Memorial Day weekend the camp directors were not there but I happened to meet a lady there who had only stopped in briefly(if Id come by an hour later or any other time in the next four days, the entire camp would have been desolate). She told me, Youre not going to believe this but one of our EMT staff just bailed on us and we need another one! I couldnt believe my ears! Well a long story short I couldnt get a hold of the camp directors for the next four days. They were camping and had no service I found out later. I rode on the mt Sunday and then met people and camped out and partied for the next few days looking for other jobs in the area. Tuesday morning I finally talked to the guys in charge and they told me well actually, we are not for sure hiring another EMT, but we might. Call me in two days. So on that note I drove home to Idaho and started working for my dad again. I called them back Thursday and I got the job! I drove back down here three days later.Im currently going through staff training week and getting all the medical supplies organized ect. Every day I realize more so how great I have it here. For one thing the camp buys a season pass for each of their staff. These passes cost $865 for the summer. On top of that as part of the medical staff I get a pass to cut lines. Only a handful of people on the whole mountain get this privilege. I also get paid more than double what a lot of the staff do(I still dont get a lot but its a very expensive operation to run). I share a house with one guy and have a room to myself. Many veteran staff have to share a room with 1-3 people. 8 diggers live in one giant room! Everyone loves being here and wouldnt trade it for anything. I just feel so blessed to be given this opportunity to provide care, share knowledge, and create a fun environment for kids snowboarding all summer. My dreads were not a problem at all and they are just doing their thing and continuing to change and grow. Every moment we are so busy preparing for camp. I'm always trying to offer to help out with whatever i can and try to keep making a good, hardworking impression. Im bursting with excitement to see what the next few months hold.

So lately, too much bad things were happening around me. I ended up getting frustrated with my developing locks and brushed them out (that took a couple days of combing btw) then I felt like I didnt belong here because I was dreadless. (Which I know isnt the case, but its hard to get over yourself sometimes lol) So I disappeared for a while.Also lately, I've realized that life is too short. I cant keep procrastinating things, because life doesnt wait. It will pass you by if you let it. And I definitely dont want life to pass me by. Lately I've felt like I've just been stuck in limbo. and it's time to get outta the rut and start living life to the fullest again. Which definitely includes a new set of dreads. I read a discussion on here. I forget who posted it. But it was all about parents pushing you to do what they want. And I can definitely relate. I always try and keep my parents happy, but no matter what I do, they arent happy anyways. So I'm living my life for me and my family (my husband and my daughter)As I was writting this my one year old just walked across the livingroom for the first time.I think I need to live my life more like a child or an animal. Living in the moment, not holding grudges and celebrating the small things.

I sll jewlery because i am disabled and cannot hold down a 'real' job. i mad a website, which is still under constuction, but i was wondring if anyone ele had a website and would like t cross-promote withme. The search engine pick up on the sites that have a lot of cross-promotion, so it would ean your site would come yup onner in th list in the search engines. Let me know if you are interested!!! my site i www/flatheadjewelry.com (remember still under construction). But you can check it out and make sure you leave a comment so I know you were there! Also, you would get 1/2 off all jwelry if you advertised it me- there would be no money exchanged; i would put my link n your site and yu'd put yours on mne. i have a way that you can click on a pciture and it takes yu to the website, so you could submit a photo and the desired url to be directed to and that is it. i would do the same.Let em know peeps, much love, holly

......FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!I haven't felt this angry in ages.A number of things is making me pissed off.1. My homeless, jobless boyfriend.2.The boy who got dreadlocks.3.The useless media teacher.4.Being moneyless and jobless myself.5.My path on finding religion.ugducgugcusvcuvuis!!!1 <----- ANGRY!1. BOYFRIENDHe's been living with me for nearly 5 months now, he's never had a job. Doesnt try and get one, pays my mum 15 pweek rent with tax payers money. REDICULOUS. Within 10 weeks he wont have a place to live because im going to uni and his family is going to wales.2. DREAD BOYMy bestfriends ex, first boyfriends whatever. I found out he was getting dreads. Hes gone all eco friendly etc which is good. I thought i'd lend him a few tips. I linked him to this site. "cool". =/ . whhuuuuu. I asked what method. Backcombing. "i dont really know much about them..."I saw the pictures ttoday. LUCKILY!!! they look wax free. but something wrong has definately been done to them. I have a sneaky suspicion a crochet hook was involved. because they are rather neat for backcombed. They look alright actually. he loves them. .....So does everyone else. Everyone has made a HUGE fuss over them. "wooowww"" awsssoooomme""" "maaaazziiiinn" etc.This never usually happens to me. but it has. Im properly jealous for the first time in YONKS. And its over THIS!?!?!? im annoyed. because one of my best friends who aways touches my dreads when im near her, i can feel the 'disgusted' vibes coming from her. she said his are "PURE AWESOME!" wtf. way to make me feel like shit.If only everyone had the knowledge of locking. Then theyd see who was better (me lol)BAH! annoyed. especialy as mine look a little braidy from t'n'r. People probably think its a poor attempt at dreads. when actually its alllllllabout the process. I know that mine are taking the better route. it just annoys me that this has happened. his are all puffy and biiiig and sticky out. everyone loves them.3. MEDIA TEACHER.Ive been taught how many chocolate bars I can name in an houri n his lessons. what a load of *. Im obviously going to FAIL.4. JOBLESSI need a job. Ican't get one. I have NO money for summer, no money for cutlery and things for uni. literally. not even a 1.5. RELIGION.I've been searching for a religion for months now. I just need something that I can always feel is there for me when im left alone by myself. I can't seem to find it andits making me lose my mind.There. im done.x

Update here: http://herdreads.blogspot.com/2010/06/it-is-better-to-travel-well-than-to.html

Having one of those "WHAT THE FUCK???" dread days....I love my dreadies, and the back of my head is totally awesome but my god! It has been 2.5 months of absolutely zero action on the sides of my head. Nothing at all! Totally knot free.I know... "patience, patience, patience." I've been known to have a problem with that It's also annoying because after every wash, my whole head feels great, but the next day the roots are all oily again. I tried the thyme tea and it didn't do anything. ( i wash between 2-3 times a week... every 2-4 days or so.)Anyone else out there with this issue? What do you wash with? Dr. Bronner's didn't work for my hair (though I use it for everything else) and the baking soda deal wasn't working too well either. Right now i'm using a hand made soap, but i'm thinking it's maybe targeted at more dry scalp than oily.I just want the sides of my hair to start knotting and my scalp to be less oily!

I guess I am just writing this down so I don't forget. Using synthetic hair is a challenge. The type I'm using is still attached to the wig, so I don't have to worry about using any elastic. (I'd be lost if I did!)Here is what I've done to achieve what I have so far, with a pre-made, synthetic (non-human) hair wig:1. Brush the wig as you normally would as if you'd be putting it on your head and wearing it. Use aerosol spray sold at your local supply store to "soften" the hair, as it is naturally thicker than human hair. You want it as thin and manageable as possible.2. Begin by separating, using about a pencil width of hair at a time.3. Backcomb. Do NOT over do it. Do not pull the hair(s) too rough, nor be too afraid. The idea is to get it puffy, not to maintain it's straightness.4. Work from one side to the other, in layers. Layering is very important, and do not dread all of it, because then where the extensions are attached will be visible to anyone who looks at your head! With a wig, dreading all of it will make it look like extended spider legs, so be sure to layer, keeping 70% dreads, the other 30% straight. (It sounds odd, it's not--- trust me!)5. This is new and up to you: I use tiny, tiny bands at the base (root) to keep the dread from unraveling. Remember, this hair will NOT grow. Chances are, you will have to heat seal it using a blow dryer or soaking it in boiling water in order for it to smooth the dreads and make them look their best. Even with the greatest amount of back combing, some pieces are just stubborn! And because it doesn't grow, you will have to maintain it in all likelihood, by occasionally doing a little bit of combing.6. Don't be afraid to try on your dreads. I highly, highly and strongly advise against using any type of wax, even if its clear. If you want the dreads to maintain the strength, a water based (more malleable, non-sticky) pomade is a good option, plus it gets rid of the sometimes irritating "wig" smell. (I used "Men's Grooming Pomade by Christophe" and I found it @ CVS.) The tips are tricky, those have a tendency to unravel after you've worn them awhile, and this is natural. Again, applying glue or anything like that would be a death sentence. It will NEVER come out of synthetic hair. Just flow with it! Be creative! 7. Since this is all experimental, don't fear trying something new! Just remember, synthetic hair is completely different to work with as opposed to human hair (which will be my next, AFTER I successfully finish this piece!) It is resistant to dye and every hair product except those made for "synthetic hair pieces."So far, I am happy with the results. I am near completion, and have not yet decided whether or not I want to leave in the bands or remove them. This hair is quite stubborn. And since its "fake" no product in the world is going to work. It could do more damage than good. But all in all, it has taken me three days to dread almost a full head of synthetic hair (wig). Here are some before and after pictures below to illustrate. Same wig.Before:

After:

PS: This is also a great option if you don't know if you are ready to dread your hair yet, or simply want to try something different, either for one night, a week or until your hair grows out to where it needs to be to start dreading it. You may find that you love it (like me) or maybe you want a different color that accentuates your face better. So, that's how I did mine. =] Thanks Bonnie, for re-awakening my interest in dreads!!Love,~Juno (aka Bethany)

so i just had real human dreaded hair extentions crocheted to my dreads,i ve done them myself in order not to use wax or nasty stuff to my dreads..thats not love..no..noo.on the second day of crocheting them in the fell off,well,some of them.Sice i didnt use any product..so i decided to use thread as a decoration and to help my locks stay together until the hair knots up...now in need to wash my dreads...d you think it would be safe D:?i mean would they say in place?i need help ..gahh.lovelovelove bredrens and sistrens =]