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Location: Phoenix, AZ
Zipcode: 85024
Country: US

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"Just want someone to talk to" Lonely and ranting.. read if you want comments appreciated but not neccessary.

user image 2010-06-11
By: ☮Izzy-licious☮
Posted in:
I really hate being alone... I don't mean alone relationship wise either I mean alone alone... being alone in my apartment because my roommate is working and not having the gas to go hang out with someone else... My roommate and I work opposite schedules so I don't get to see her very much.. then when we happen to have time off together her boyfriend is over or she is with him... lately he has really gotten on my nerves and I hate that feeling. It happened often with my old roomie in Tucson's last two boyfriends. He is just joking but it gets disrespectful about the deaf community I hang out with (im learning sign language) saying that they are retarded and dumb and can't talk... which isn't true...Don't get me wrong sometimes you need to be alone and I enjoy it when I need it. At this point however I have had enough of it. It's been about 4 months since I broke up with my boyfriend and I tried being friends with him. That definitely didn't work out because he wanted more and just does stupid shit and pisses me off everytime even a text or anything comes up about him. In Phoenix I only have about 4 friends I can hang out with (or want to I should say) One I live with and the others are very busy or work opposite schedules. One friend is a guy I have liked since H.S. and when we hang out it always seems awkward like we are both too shy so I feel weird asking him to hang out just the two of us. I am not sure how he feels about me at all so I don't want to mess up the friendship. The others either have a significant other or no car so it's hard to hang out with them.I have watched most of the movies I own several many times and I have started creating hair accessories so I can sell them and keep me occupied. Many times my roomie will be off a night where I am home but she is going out with her guy to one of his friends birthdays or just a party. I've tried dropping subtle hints about wanting to meet new people and all that but I never get invited. It all feels exactly like when I was with my ex and never got invited to hang out with my friends because none of them liked him, now he is out of the picture and I am starting to think it was me they didn't like. I know it's not true but it seems weird. Not even an offer to hang. Part of why I want to get out of Phoenix so badly is I know no one here and the people aren't the kind of people I want to be around. This site is they kind of people I want to be around. Downtown Phoenix has alot of artistic and creative people and I am trying to find a second job down there. I did some work with an art festival and met some great people but that festival is only in April so the rest of the year I have nothing like that.This is all starting to really affect me and put me in a deep depression.. I am trying very hard to stay positive about it all. I know it will all work out and things will change and I am trying to look for the opportunities and not wait for it to happen. I said the other day I don't need a boyfriend but I want one. I miss cuddling and having someone to talk to and make me feel special and beautiful. It's especially hard when my roomie has such a fantastic relationship and I hear them in the other room all the time giggling, talking or having sex. Then get left out of things cuz Im a third wheel. I know it's not their intentions but I feel like they are rubbing it in. (Which is not the case at all but I am jealous)I feel like I need a change of scenery move to a new city or to move back to Tucson. I would do theatre because that always seems to get me in a better mood but I cannot afford to do a show since it eats up my nights and weekends and pays very little or nothing at all.At this point I am just rambling and complaining but I needed to put this down. If you took the time to read this I appreciate it.
06/30/10 02:27:31PM @sillywalkingminister:
Everyone has basically said everything that could be said...All I can give you is positive vibes,a hug and site called Click on any channel and watch movies/shows 24/7...Hope it helps a bit..:)

06/30/10 04:09:11AM @recoverytrouble:
Great reply Panterra & awesome advice:D That goes for everone's actually. I'm coming to grips with my partner leaving me unexpectedly earlier this year, & again being in the situation where all my close friends were those I had made through her. It's been a recurring theme with any of my previous partners also.On the positive side, a female friend (who has a great partner), who I lost contact with during my most recent relationship due to jealousy, has followed through on her promise to always be there for me when the chips are down. I've also found an even greater appreciation for the constants in my life, family who love me unconditionally exactly as I am & who I love back the same. They help keep my focus on the path, supporting any decision I make.If you can live life the way you want while maintaining a constant which keeps you centered, even if it evolves with you, then it's all you really need to be happy & at peace with life. Cherish all the good memories that have been so far, look forward to the ones still to come, don't count anything out cos just when you least expect it something fantastic will turn up.If it makes you happy & doesn't hurt anyone, then do it!

Panterra Caraway
06/30/10 02:18:18AM @panterra-caraway:
Hi! I suspect that I am a bit older than you...I have 3 daughters (ages 14, 13 and 11). I will give you a small bit of advice, something I figured out before I got married. I felt alot like you many times. After a painful breakup with what was to be my last boyfriend before "the one" I was feeling especially low. But realized that if I was a truly loving person who had all this great stuff to give to someone special then shouldn't I be pretty special myself? I stopped worrying about Mr. Wonderful and began to think about what I needed to be for myself. I really started to encourage myself to get out more and experience what I could. All the while being open to who I would meet or what I would learn. I looked at everyone as a new friend, not a potential romance. I became friends with alot of diverse folks and expanded my interests. I tried stuff that I initially thought was weird or not for me. Eventually, I met a guy who was not "my type". We have now been married 18 years! Just go fill your bucket baby girl...the rest, will take care of itself ( I promise!). Much love.

ashley ✿
06/21/10 04:49:04PM @ashley:
I know exactly how you feel, like, really, right down to it. My friends not liking me anymore and everything, it's really terrible. I'm gonna be moving cause I think a change in scenery is what I need as well, and a change in friends. New friends can be very good for people. I do spend allot of my time alone at home, not doing anything really. I think i hung out with one of my friends for the first time in weeks the other day. I'm going to be driving around the west coast, and then actually heading to Tuscon at the end of the trip. I hope your situation gets better, if you need anyone to talk to and what not, go ahead and message or something, I'm very open and talkative.

Jake Holland
06/16/10 02:26:40AM @jake-holland:
I am kind of in a similiar situation as you only I live in the apartment where my fiance and I once lived together. We have been broken up for about a month and a half now and I am surrounded by all the things we have accumulated throughout the years we were together. I work weird days on 3rd shift so I find myself spending a lot of time on either Facebook or this site. Its pretty much all I do when I am on a work day. I have been hanging out with friends when I can and fortunately have a lot of great ones, but I am trying to stay away from the ones with a significant other because they just make me feel awkward. If you want a boyfriend, don't look for one. Its something that will just happen, make random conversation with people. And if your hanging out with a friend, even if your interested in that person then just have fun. These things have a way of taking care of themselves. I just adopted the "I don't give a fuck" attitude which is basically AWESOME. I just go out and try and have as much fun as possible.

neil coe
06/12/10 11:46:14PM @neil-coe:
well first off Dont Worrie Be Happy : ) i hope you feel better. and if you ever need to talk im a good listener

06/12/10 10:57:34PM @greygargoyle:
I'm a very, very solitary person but I can't kinda relate to how you feel. The only person that I communicate with is my fiance, my grandparents and people online. I only talk to my grandparents once a week and I talk to my little brother once a week as well. I had a best friend in Georgia but he doesn't really talk to me since I've moved away, guess he doesn't care. Haha. But it's all good. I'm moving to Washington next year because it's beautiful and I need a change of scenery. Although I do love Wyoming and I've only been here four months, being in a valley sucks. You see the mountains and they're gorgeous but you only get to visit them once or twice a month just because it takes about an hour to drive there and back and gas is expensive. Anyways, point being is that cities kinda suck. =) lol.You just need to move.

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