Location: Phoenix, AZ
"Just want someone to talk to" Lonely and ranting.. read if you want comments appreciated but not neccessary.
I really hate being alone... I don't mean alone relationship wise either I mean alone alone... being alone in my apartment because my roommate is working and not having the gas to go hang out with someone else... My roommate and I work opposite schedules so I don't get to see her very much.. then when we happen to have time off together her boyfriend is over or she is with him... lately he has really gotten on my nerves and I hate that feeling. It happened often with my old roomie in Tucson's last two boyfriends. He is just joking but it gets disrespectful about the deaf community I hang out with (im learning sign language) saying that they are retarded and dumb and can't talk... which isn't true...Don't get me wrong sometimes you need to be alone and I enjoy it when I need it. At this point however I have had enough of it. It's been about 4 months since I broke up with my boyfriend and I tried being friends with him. That definitely didn't work out because he wanted more and just does stupid shit and pisses me off everytime even a text or anything comes up about him. In Phoenix I only have about 4 friends I can hang out with (or want to I should say) One I live with and the others are very busy or work opposite schedules. One friend is a guy I have liked since H.S. and when we hang out it always seems awkward like we are both too shy so I feel weird asking him to hang out just the two of us. I am not sure how he feels about me at all so I don't want to mess up the friendship. The others either have a significant other or no car so it's hard to hang out with them.I have watched most of the movies I own several many times and I have started creating hair accessories so I can sell them and keep me occupied. Many times my roomie will be off a night where I am home but she is going out with her guy to one of his friends birthdays or just a party. I've tried dropping subtle hints about wanting to meet new people and all that but I never get invited. It all feels exactly like when I was with my ex and never got invited to hang out with my friends because none of them liked him, now he is out of the picture and I am starting to think it was me they didn't like. I know it's not true but it seems weird. Not even an offer to hang. Part of why I want to get out of Phoenix so badly is I know no one here and the people aren't the kind of people I want to be around. This site is they kind of people I want to be around. Downtown Phoenix has alot of artistic and creative people and I am trying to find a second job down there. I did some work with an art festival and met some great people but that festival is only in April so the rest of the year I have nothing like that.This is all starting to really affect me and put me in a deep depression.. I am trying very hard to stay positive about it all. I know it will all work out and things will change and I am trying to look for the opportunities and not wait for it to happen. I said the other day I don't need a boyfriend but I want one. I miss cuddling and having someone to talk to and make me feel special and beautiful. It's especially hard when my roomie has such a fantastic relationship and I hear them in the other room all the time giggling, talking or having sex. Then get left out of things cuz Im a third wheel. I know it's not their intentions but I feel like they are rubbing it in. (Which is not the case at all but I am jealous)I feel like I need a change of scenery move to a new city or to move back to Tucson. I would do theatre because that always seems to get me in a better mood but I cannot afford to do a show since it eats up my nights and weekends and pays very little or nothing at all.At this point I am just rambling and complaining but I needed to put this down. If you took the time to read this I appreciate it.