my first comment and it wasn't nice:(

Heather, it's interesting how your post has brought out so many similar experiences and ideas about how best to react. I haven't had any negative comments yet, only teasing remarks from my partner about 'rasta plaits,' but appreciate the warnings and insights. I've always been a quiet non-confrontational person, the sort that turns to jelly at the slightest disapproving look. Hopefully my confidence will strengthen with my dreads. Wishing you love and peace and happy laughter.

updated by @hippiegal: 07/11/15 08:12:48AM

Next time say " I think straight hair in locks are so beautiful. I think some just have a chip on there shoulder, I dated a black man and got to know his family, they were so nice and excepted me into their family, but most the blacks were the ones that would give me the evil eye when they saw us together, not the whites. I guess they cant get their hair in very many styles so they claim the one they can. Sounds like they would have said something nasty about you anyway, some people are just rude. I use to take things to heart and it would really hurt me, I guess I thought everyone should like me, but soon found out some wont, so I just stay away from those people.

bring both hands together in the middle of your chest bow your head slightly say Namaste and leave

haters hate

That sucks that this happened to you Heather! There are a lot of mean people in the world because they have no love for themselves so that treat other nastily. I am a African American and other African American say nasty things about my hair too. Especially the ones with bone straight chemically relaxed hair. Even the black women and men with manicured locks give me some nasty looks as well. While you can see all of their scalp exposed and their poor hair being pulled so tightly and hanging on for dear life.

I usually just smile knowing that they are not at my level evolvement.

From you photos at your profile your locks look beautiful to me! Ugly just cannot stand the light of beauty!

Thank you for pointing this out, Desirae. The story of Indigenous people in Australia is much the same. Colonization took everything away and gave them nothing but poisoning, massacres, disease and exploitation. What's left of their culture, for instance, their art, has now become popular among the white mainstream, and fetches thousands in galleries. Often the artists don't get enough of it. I'm not Aboriginal myself, but I've met Aboriginal people who have humbled me with their strength and forgivingness. Yes, some are angry, but understandably so.

This is a huge issue, I know. I just wanted to say I resonated with what you said.

wow, desirae. you made my heart hurt i love all people and i feel soembarrassed that this country allowed slavery. i had nothing against this women who made the comment. i don't know why she felt the need to be mean to a perfect stranger but maybe it is a sort of bitterness towards white people for taking what she feels belongs to her race. when i see a black woman with straightened hair i feel a bit sad that she feels the need to chemically alter her beautiful hair. i had a friend in 3rd grade who had the best afro. (it was the 70's of course i remember wanting hair like hers so bad. i begged my mom for a perm so i could have an afro too. she said no of course and told me that i wouldn't be able to get an afro with a perm anyway. she was a hairstylist at the time and i thought she could do anything. i was so bummed.

please don't flame me for saying this but one thing i want to say is that i believe the black community really needs to stop using the "n" word. i cringe anytime i hear it on tv or in the movies and maybe its just me but its such aderogatoryterm and i don't really understand why anyone should say it.

Desirae Rose said:

I gotta disagree with you on this part, though. Black people aren't taught to hate white people, they're taught to love white people and anything associated with white people and hate themselves. It's true, though most will never admit it.

As for thinking anything 'black' is theirs, well look at the history. Can you really blame black people for feeling threatened? Stolen from their ancestral homelands, forced to abandon most of their ancestral cultures, enslaved and constantly told to this day everything about them and associated with them is ugly and inferior. Most don't even know where they come from, and black people are told they have NO history and didn't even exist until slavery by non-blacks. Then history is constantly rewritten to make black people look worse, look stupid, and everyone else look good. When black people DO 'claim' something it gets bashed and dismissed as 'ugly' and 'Ghetto' and 'less-than' and just another thing to further separate them from everyone else. That is, until non-black people start liking the same thing and then people want to act like it's so 'new' and awesome and wonderful and beautiful and great and then pretend THEY made it up, even though black people have known about the very same thing for YEARS. To black people, that can be seen as ONCE AGAIN having something taken away from them, not being able to have something that is truly their 'own'. Not only that, but then the blatant disrespect that comes with it; like the rest of the world is saying to them "This is only 'good' if non-black people are involved with it. When black people are associated with it, it's bad and inferior".

I'm not saying it's right or okay, but instead of just dismissing a lot of black people as just hateful racists, try looking at the history and the issues black people have. Black people have a LOT of issues, sadly due to the continued racism and prejudice and stereotypes they have to constantly deal with daily.

If you're still not sure what I'm talking about, I'd be glad to give examples.

kenny said:

well..in the U.S.A. the GREATEST country ever on earth they tell us anyhow.. a lot black people are taught to hate white people and that everything that is generally a black thing is theirs all theirs and everyone else is just an asshole racist of some sort...

i dont think it's some "african americans" i think its just ignorant people, not all people will like your hair...i get nice comments on my hair everyday, and i get bad comments some days...in the end its what you think of your hair, and feeling comfotable with your hair. Also no one can actually own a style because along with the Jamaican culture native americans have done it too, and alot of other cultures. Dont worry you don't have to satisfy people you don't know, your dreading your hair to satisfy yourself, and only yourself, dont take the negative comments people say seriously, people aren't all alike some may like your hair and some won't people all have different opinions.

also you can't lump black people into one group and say they're all racist, thats not the case, im not racist in any way, i was taught to love every human equally no matter what color their skin is, we're all human beings, pigment in your skin doesn't make anyone any less human...nor does it mean a race has 1 way of thinking. Just hold onto the good comments and let go of the bad comments.

I agree, they are taught to hate themselves. And that is no bueno. Everyone should be taught to love, especially yourself. When you have a hatred or love for anything about yourself, you tend to turn it out onto other people. So why not turn the love out? And the racism and prejudice goes *both* ways. I think people who are racist these days aren't inherently racist, they are inherently *taught* to be racist or prejudiced, whether it's by family, or by society. I'm a mutt. More of a European mutt, but I'm still a mutt. I hope that one day everyone will realize we have all been stolen from in some form or another, and make a promise to each other to give instead of take. :/ I also hope that one day everyone will realize they were born perfectly, just the way they were supposed to be.

Desirae Rose said:

I gotta disagree with you on this part, though. Black people aren't taught to hate white people, they're taught to love white people and anything associated with white people and hate themselves. It's true, though most will never admit it.

As for thinking anything 'black' is theirs, well look at the history. Can you really blame black people for feeling threatened? Stolen from their ancestral homelands, forced to abandon most of their ancestral cultures, enslaved and constantly told to this day everything about them and associated with them is ugly and inferior. Most don't even know where they come from, and black people are told they have NO history and didn't even exist until slavery by non-blacks. Then history is constantly rewritten to make black people look worse, look stupid, and everyone else look good. When black people DO 'claim' something it gets bashed and dismissed as 'ugly' and 'Ghetto' and 'less-than' and just another thing to further separate them from everyone else. That is, until non-black people start liking the same thing and then people want to act like it's so 'new' and awesome and wonderful and beautiful and great and then pretend THEY made it up, even though black people have known about the very same thing for YEARS. To black people, that can be seen as ONCE AGAIN having something taken away from them, not being able to have something that is truly their 'own'. Not only that, but then the blatant disrespect that comes with it; like the rest of the world is saying to them "This is only 'good' if non-black people are involved with it. When black people are associated with it, it's bad and inferior".

I'm not saying it's right or okay, but instead of just dismissing a lot of black people as just hateful racists, try looking at the history and the issues black people have. Black people have a LOT of issues, sadly due to the continued racism and prejudice and stereotypes they have to constantly deal with daily.

If you're still not sure what I'm talking about, I'd be glad to give examples.

kenny said:

well..in the U.S.A. the GREATEST country ever on earth they tell us anyhow.. a lot black people are taught to hate white people and that everything that is generally a black thing is theirs all theirs and everyone else is just an asshole racist of some sort...

updated by @heathen-hippie-o: 02/14/15 04:26:07PM