embarrassed to be seen in public

So every once and a while when my hair is looking extra crazy, my mom has to ask me why I don't do this or that. today she asked me pretty much if i ever palm rolled them, I told her"no, I don't want to, its not productive and I don't want my hair to look uniform and straight with no personality. You may be embarrassed to be seen with me out in public but it's just the way it is."the fact that she didn't repute that fact makes me come to the conclusion that I'm right. I can;t say I'[m surprised seeing as my mom is kind of materialistic, and I know she would love to be one of those orange county wives. Now I love my mother and I know that she's still going to love me, and may not see the beauty of my hair without doing a thing to it until they are fully matured.It doesn't help that every dready she's come across that she has talked to has told her that they palm rolled, continually backcombed, and used rubber bands. I haven't seen any of these dreads she's met, but all i know is, I'm not doing any of those.I just wish she would see it's not about having hair that looks awesome, although that is what first intrigued me, it's about not caring what others think about you simply based on appearance. About loving myself for me, and not how "pretty" I am. I dunno, how can i make her see the light
updated by @cavewoman: 01/13/15 08:44:52PM

The sad thing is, you can't little love. My mother is very similar, only, since she comes from the bible belt, I'm now little more than completely disgusting. My sister has the same opinion... it's just who they are. My mother and sister think that you can't truly be beautiful without tons of styling products, expensive makeup and weight loss drugs...it's sad, but that's what happens when you take today's media as the ultimate truth. Men should be sexy, forget their personality or brains, and should be able to take care of you for the rest of your life; marry for money, not love... you can always find love later. It's things like this that force me to stay away from them... these kinds of people are toxic for me and my relationships. Even if it means forcing myself to stay away from the rest of my family, my sanity is more important.As another side note, I learned a long time ago that no matter what I did to try to make her happy, my mother was always upset and disappointed with me. I'm not sure if yours is the same way, but I learned very quickly that pleasing myself should be key; don't waste your time trying to make others happy, because there are plenty of other people out there that love you for who you are regardless of what you look like.

fae is awesome some parents wont get it it took mine 15 years to stop nagging me bout my hair


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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

I can actually relate to this a lot the reason i cut off my first set of dreads is cause of my mom. Always telling me how horrible they looked, it wheres thin on you after a while your on mother telling you that stuff. So you just gotta push through it. I cut off my dreads and my mom and all her friends are saying "Aww i'm soi glad you cut the shit outta your hair" But I don't really feel like myself without them, so i'll be dreading again soon.So just don't dwell on it like i did. =)

My parents aren't totally for it either, but it's okay They do what's right for them, and I do what's right for me, and you do what's right for you! If everybody in the world did that, I'm thinking it might be a more tolerable place.Anyway, you look great, and I'm sure you feel great! Walk tall, sister <3

yea my dad came over the other day, and we had to run down to target to get a few things, and he said, why dont you brush your hair before we go, its a mess, and i said i dont do that no more..... and he replied with...... get the hell out of here your not starting dreads,,,,, i told him dont worry about what i do, im not under your roof now..... hes telling me this with all natural dreads, well the start of, but yet says nothing to one of my older brothers, who started dreads.... but with wax, and it looks gross... so i know what you mean though, just forget about the comments and what not.... dreads are for you not them, as long as your happy, but anyways hope your ok otherwise sister, haven't really talked to you in a bit : ( well take care....

Fae said it better than I could! My mom and I haven't spoken for 2 years because she disagrees with my ideas for my Bi-Polar daughter...but when we did talk it was toxic. She never wanted me in the first place and she has been disappointed with me ever since. She is my mom and I do love her, but I finally gave up on the notion that she would someday be the way I wanted her to be...the mom I always hoped for. Interesting that I hoped for her to be different and I know she wanted me to be different! Lol Anyway, since we don't talk it is the first real time in my life where I feel at peace and unafraid of being the complete version of me. I know she would hate the dreads! She would hit me with her Bible! Ha! But, what the heck...I like me and I am finally starting to experience what happy feels like.

My dad doesnt say much about them. My mom has a couple questions but has always been supportive of my crazy hair decisions. She tends to however be more judgemental of the guys that I date. (Only been 2!) The last guy was a disaster so I don't blame her for that but when I talk to her about my new boyfriend she has a judgemental tone to her voice about some things. He is bipolar and she made a comment about if we get married and want a family not to have kids because he could pass it on. It hurt that she would judge that so quickly especially since she knows I do want kids one day.In regards to how you dress, wear your hair, kind of tattoos you have, piercings etc. It's your body not theirs. They try and make the rule of if you are under my roof it's my rules. Try asking them why they are so against it. They most likely won't be able to come up with a good answer. Jobs as well with silly rules on dress code. I can understand with a safety concern or a health code issue with length but they wouldn't have the same issues with a girl who has super frizzy hair naturally that just isn't in dreads... It sadly is an ignorance thing.