.. It gets very hard to not feel a tad beaten down by the world around me. I don't live a common lifestyle as it is, never mind in a part of Louisiana that is the basic opposite of New Orleans (ohhh how I love NO)... And I get tired of explaining myself. Or, maybe, not explaining myself, but why I do what I do to others.... I want to, to help them understand and educate themselves, but it's tiresome....because for every positive and uplifting response I get, there are ten more negative responses.

I don't shave. I had a night where I had some sort of weird epiphany... I noticed that I always push the shower curtain to the right when I take a bath... upon noticing this I defiantly pushed it to the LEFT. Feeling a bit more triumphant I took my bath... with my aloe and olive oil shaving stuffs pre-prepared and ready, I picked up the razor and stared at it. Now, before I completely stopped shaving I didn't shave often, maybe once a month, just for the hell of it. But that night I pondered on why I should at all. I don't enjoy it, and the only reason I could think of as to 'why' I did it was because I was 'supposed to'. Well fuck that I said. And i haven't shaved since. Upon relaying this notion to my husband, he merely looks up from his book, shrugs and says..."well, your a mammal. Your supposed to have hair. I never asked you to goofy." Yea. He's fantastic.

I said that to say this. I get SO MUCH SHIT for having hair on my legs, from so many people... "Why don't you just shave it off??" to which my response has become, "Why would I?" Which makes some people think. It makes others scoff and look at me like I am in fact the craziest person in the universe. Now add the fact that I have dreadlings, which at this point just looks like Helena Bonham Carter is my hair stylist, considering all the hairs are trying to find homes, the fact I don't really wear make up because I don't want a bunch of chemicals on my face, I don't use soap or shampoo, I make my own laundry detergent because I don't like putting harsh chemicals into the earth, and THEN tack on the fact that :::gasp::: I'm a secular humanist and don't believe in a god and I am basically the strangest person ever. So forgive me if I ever get snappy or heated on these subjects if we speak.. It's only because I'm so very tired. <3

I finally managed to post some pictures of Justin and I's wedding. It was wonderful. We had it at a park, barefoot with a very small group of friends and family. Good stuff. So much love floating around!

Say no to goverment drug warrior propoganda and look at the federally funded, scientific studies... I found this here .

Here are just some of the many studies the Feds wish they'd never commissioned:

01) MARIJUANA USE HAS NO EFFECT ON MORTALITY:

A massive study of California HMO members funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) found marijuana use caused no significant increase in mortality. Tobacco use was associated with increased risk of death. Sidney, S et al. Marijuana Use and Mortality. American Journal of Public Health
. Vol. 87 No. 4, April 1997. p. 585-590. Sept. 2002.

02) HEAVY MARIJUANA USE AS A YOUNG ADULT WON'T RUIN YOUR LIFE:

Veterans Affairs scientists looked at whether heavy marijuana use as a young adult caused long-term problems later, studying identical twins in which one twin had been a heavy marijuana user for a year or longer but had stopped at least one month before the study, while the second twin had used marijuana no more than five times ever. Marijuana use had no significant impact on physical or mental health care utilization, health-related quality of life, or current socio-demographic characteristics. Eisen SE et al. Does Marijuana Use Have Residual Adverse Effects on Self-Reported Health Measures, Socio-Demographics or Quality of Life? A Monozygotic Co-Twin Control Study in Men. Addiction. Vol. 97 No. 9. p.1083-1086. Sept. 1997

03) THE "GATEWAY EFFECT" MAY BE A MIRAGE:

Marijuana is often called a "gateway drug" by supporters of prohibition, who point to statistical "associations" indicating that persons who use marijuana are more likely to eventually try hard drugs than those who never use marijuana - implying that marijuana use somehow causes hard drug use. But a model developed by RAND Corp. researcher Andrew Morral demonstrates that these associations can be explained "without requiring a gateway effect." More likely, this federally funded study suggests, some people simply have an underlying propensity to try drugs, and start with what's most readily available. Morral AR, McCaffrey D and Paddock S. Reassessing the Marijuana Gateway Effect. Addiction. December 2002. p. 1493-1504.

04) PROHIBITION DOESN'T WORK:

The White House had the National Research Council examine the data being gathered about drug use and the effects of U.S. drug policies. NRC concluded, "the nation possesses little information about the effectiveness of current drug policy, especially of drug law enforcement." And what data exist show "little apparent relationship between severity of sanctions prescribed for drug use and prevalence or frequency of use." In other words, there is no proof that prohibition - the cornerstone of U.S. drug policy for a century - reduces drug use. National Research Council. Informing America's Policy on Illegal Drugs: What We Don't Know Keeps Hurting Us. National Academy Press, 2001. p. 193.

05) PROHIBITION MAY CAUSE THE "GATEWAY EFFECT"?): U.S. and Dutch researchers, supported in part by NIDA, compared marijuana users in San Francisco, where non-medical use remains illegal, to Amsterdam, where adults may possess and purchase small amounts of marijuana from regulated businesses. Looking at such parameters as frequency and quantity of use and age at onset of use, they found the following: Cannabis (Marijuana) use in San Francisco was 3 times the prevalence found in the Amsterdam sample. And lifetime use of hard drugs was significantly lower in Amsterdam, with its "tolerant" marijuana policies. For example, lifetime crack cocaine use was 4.5 times higher in San Francisco than Amsterdam. Reinarman, C, Cohen, PDA, and Kaal, HL. The Limited Relevance of Drug Policy: Cannabis in Amsterdam and San Francisco. American Journal of Public Health. Vol. 94, No. 5. May 2004. p 836-842.

06) OOPS, MARIJUANA MAY PREVENT CANCER (PART 1):

Federal researchers implanted several types of cancer, including leukemia and lung cancers, in mice, then treated them with cannabinoids (unique, active components found in marijuana). THC and other cannabinoids shrank tumors and increased the mice's lifespans. Munson, AE et al. Antineoplastic Activity of Cannabinoids. Journal of the National Cancer Institute. Sept. 1975. p. 597-602.

07) OOPS, MARIJUANA MAY PREVENT CANCER, (PART 2):

In a 1994 study the government tried to suppress, federal researchers gave mice and rats massive doses of THC, looking for cancers or other signs of toxicity. The rodents given THC lived longer and had fewer cancers, "in a dose-dependent manner" (i.e. the more THC they got, the fewer tumors). NTP Technical Report On The Toxicology And Carcinogenesis Studies Of 1-Trans- Delta-9-Tetrahydrocannabinol, CAS No. 1972-08-3, In F344/N Rats And B6C3F Mice, Gavage Studies. See also, "Medical Marijuana: Unpublished Federal Study Found THC-Treated Rats Lived Longer, Had Less Cancer," AIDS Treatment News no. 263, Jan. 17, 1997.

08) OOPS, MARIJUANA MAY PREVENT CANCER (PART 3):

Researchers at the Kaiser-Permanente HMO, funded by NIDA, followed 65,000 patients for nearly a decade, comparing cancer rates among non-smokers, tobacco smokers, and marijuana smokers. Tobacco smokers had massively higher rates of lung cancer and other cancers. Marijuana smokers who didn't also use tobacco had no increase in risk of tobacco-related cancers or of cancer risk overall. In fact their rates of lung and most other cancers were slightly lower than non-smokers, though the difference did not reach statistical significance. Sidney, S. et al. Marijuana Use and Cancer Incidence (California, United States). Cancer Causes and Control. Vol. 8. Sept. 1997, p. 722-728.

09) OOPS, MARIJUANA MAY PREVENT CANCER (PART 4):

Donald Tashkin, a UCLA researcher whose work is funded by NIDA, did a case-control study comparing 1,200 patients with lung, head and neck cancers to a matched group with no cancer. Even the heaviest marijuana smokers had no increased risk of cancer, and had somewhat lower cancer risk than non-smokers (tobacco smokers had a 20-fold increased Lung Cancer risk). Tashkin D. Marijuana Use and Lung Cancer: Results of a Case-Control Study. American Thoracic Society International Conference. May 23, 2006.

10) MARIJUANA DOES HAVE GREAT MEDICAL VALUE:

In response to passage of California's medical marijuana law, the White House had the Institute of Medicine (IOM) review the data on marijuana's medical benefits and risks. The IOM concluded, "Nausea, appetite loss, pain and anxiety are all afflictions of wasting, and all can be mitigated by marijuana." The report also added, "we acknowledge that there is no clear alternative for people suffering from chronic conditions that might be relieved by smoking marijuana, such as pain or AIDS wasting." The government's refusal to acknowledge this finding caused co-author John A. Benson to tell the New York Times that the government "loves to ignore our report they would rather it never happened." Joy, JE, Watson, SJ, and Benson, JA. Marijuana and Medicine: Assessing the Science Base. National Academy Press. 1999. p. 159. See also, Harris, G. FDA Dismisses Medical Benefit From Marijuana. New York Times. Apr. 21, 2006

The American Public Health Association, American Nurses Association, Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, National Academy of HIV Medicine, two former U.S. surgeon generals, and hundreds of other medical professional groups all say that marijuana should be available to patients whose doctors recommend it.


Cannabinoids Curb Brain Tumor Growth, First-Ever Patient Trial Shows
http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=6947

Pot Compound May Offer Non-Toxic Alternative To Chemotherapy
http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=7433

Tetrahydrocannabinol inhibits lung cancer as well as metastasis
http://www.nature.com/onc/journal/v27/n3/abs/1210641a.html

Inhibition of skin tumor growth by activation of cannabinoid receptors
http://www.jci.org/articles/view/16116/version/1

Let me start off by saying my fiance is amazing. AMAZING. I love being with someone who is my intellectual equal, if not surpassing me in so so many areas.I never expected our indulgence in science and educating ourselves in the facets of it would lead us to... well, I guess, modern day hippie-dom of sorts.Justin has been practicing Trancendental Meditation at like 4 in the morning, I haven't tried it yet, but I'm very very interested. Mind over matter, scientifically proven? In-ter-est-ing.... Worth a shot anyway, we know that even regular meditation is helpful.We are planning on attending a Rainbow Gathering in the next few years... apparently there are buses that run all over the country that will pick you up and take you... man how wonderful. It's full of people from everywhere, from all different background, from all different beliefs, who come to just get back to nature, to love each other and to live in harmony with each other and with the earth. The video is worth watching, it's hard to watch the whole thing and not want to go there.My thought processes are changing, as is my worldviews. It's strange..... in a wonderful way. Also, I feel much less aggressive since I've been off my birth control shot, I wonder how much of an effect on my psyche it had? I'm starting to feel like myself again. More at peace with myself and the world.It still makes me sad that loving the earth, and trying to be healthier, and trying to get chemicals out and off of our bodies makes us weirdos.... societies standard of beauty and health, societies standard of what makes life good... its all so corrupt and twisted.... so many things we hold dear are in so many ways completely devoid of value, we romanticize things that have and hold no real value.... our world would seem so strange to those who came before us... and I must say, as an american, who really does love my country... it makes me so sad to see what we as Americans have become... we are falling behind, our civil rights pale in comparison to other countries on level with us... Germany is outlawing the death penalty. GERMANY. And we have a state that basically has a death penalty express lane. ::sigh::" An eye for and eye leaves everyone blind"- Mahatma GhandiHow long will we continue this existence that separates us from ourselves? Love is all you need.

I've loved dreadlocks since I was nine, and my neighbor had them. He was always very kind to me, an only child who was homeschooled and didn't have many friends, being that he was in his mid twenties. He was what I would come to know as a free spirit. He was a completely different type of person than what I was used to, he seemed disconnected from the rat race that was the world my parents and I lived in, and that had a profound impact on me, even though I was to young to realize what it was, or why.

Am I going to pour my heart out now? Why yes, I believe I am.

I made 26 in November. I live in southern Louisiana, a very very VERY red state. Which, well, its not that bad I suppose, but its hard to find anyone who understands why I try to live the way I do. I have two wonderful daughters and live with my partner/they're father Justin .

We stopped using shampoo about six months ago (using baking soda and apple cider vinegar instead), as well as eating clean. We also make our own laundry detergent in effort to make less of an impact on the environment. We live in a place where it's hard to find someone who cares about our planet or our impact on it at all. Most people label you a crazy tree hugger and disregard anything you have to say, and kindness and openmindedness is over run with blind ignorance and hatred. Being non religious in any way, I still respect other people's opinions and ideas, and I foolishly expect the same... even when it comes to my family.

I have a wonderfully understanding, supportive mother, even though she disagrees with many things (especially the locks, I got the " but your hair is so beautiful" speech..) but nonetheless, she loves and tries to understand what my reasons for things are.

The other side of my familyon the other hand, and my grandmother, well, it seems they have been brainwashed by religion and right wing agenda and have lost the ability to think for themselves in any way, shape or form. Money is the key to everything with them and liberals are basically terrorists waiting to happen in they're eyes. Needless to say, it's hard to deal with. They're concern always amazes me, especially since I was condemned to hell by them eight years ago when I got a small tattoo on my ankle. There is a part of me that would like to run the other way and have nothing to do with such ignorance and bigotry, but then I feel that there would be nothing to learn, nor would I be any better than them by shunning them. Besides, I keep hoping maybe, just maybe I'll rub off on them at some point. =)

I spent some years doing this and doing that, falling in line with what I was supposed to do or what was 'cool'... but eventually, sometime in the past two or three years - developed an incredible distaste for what society dictates as correct, clean or pretty, and became obsessed with informing myself. It's just so silly, being so separated from nature, which is the only true, pure beauty that exists to begin with. I refuse to become part of the rat race society tries to put us into just for the sake of money. Obviously I work, I am fortunate enough to work for Whole Foods, which is unfortunately a corporation, but at least it does positive things in its communities and promotes health, but the bottom line is and always will be money.... even if it is less of a priority than with other companies.

I hope to start a photography business in the future, I am definitely someone who would prefer to dictate my own schedule and actions... and I plan on moving to Oregon in the next year or so. I need more nature and beauty in my life.

So why did I dread my hair? Originally I wanted to just let nature take it's course, but I can be a bit impulsive at times, and that got the better of me. I just wanted them there with me. So I used the twist and rip method to get them started and now I'm just letting them go. I keep trying to pinpoint a reason and I can't. Part of me feels like it's an asshole filter, as it will weed out assholes and help me avoid them, part of me feels like its as close to nature as I can be, like some sort of tribute to my ancestors, but mostly, they just feel like freedom. Plus, I'm pretty sure they are here to stay.

I hope I can be that person that my neighbor was to some child in my life. That they will see me and my locks and feel like its a representation of love, open heartedness and openmindedness. And most importantly..... Freedom.