Blogs

I got my dreads on June 1st. I bought rubber bands and went over to my friends house. I couldnt wait to start. I decided to use rubber bands because I was having like 5 of us doing dreads and it was just easier to section it all off. I tried to get "No damage/hurt" rubber bands but it hurt trying to take them out later so that was kinda fail. We used the twist and rip method. My friends got frustrated because they couldnt get the hang of it but they watched a few videos and finally figured it out. I made like 5 of them in the front.

Some of my dreads are itty bitty and others we call "catipillars" cuz they're fat and fuzzy. But the fat ones are my favorite. My head has a lot of charater now. I love them. And i've already started to notice them changing up a bit. I feel like the front ones are to small but I'm trying to just leave them all alone and let them do their thing. I wear them up when I go out cuz they are a little crazy down right now. But I'm letting them loose right now.

Sleeping is sorta difficult cuz I have really fine straight hair so sleeping with lumps now it takes me a little while to figure out how to lay them on my pillow. But none the less I love them and all my friends are really proud of their handy work.

Since I was a teenager I was always doing things that my parents and familydisapprovedof. I wore all black with chains and straps. I dyed my hair all sorts of funky colours. I gauged my ears out, and pierced anywhere I wanted to. Mohawks were not an uncommon hair style for me either, and I never once gave a second thought to how or why my whole family didn't like it.

I did. So that's all that mattered.

Maybe that is why I never cared about people's reactions to me when I started to grow my locks. I knew they looked goofy and haphazard when they were forming, but I loved them and knew that in the end they would look great and not like a mangy cat anymore.

I hear so many people talking about cutting their locks or combing them out because they got tired of hearing all of the negative remarks family members and even strangers make about their hair.

I don't know what it was that I went through that made me not give a rats ass about other peoples negative and bigoted comments. I grew up in a conservative Jewish home, where anything out of the normal was frowned upon. Maybe that did it. I was so sheltered that I had to find some way to express myself, and could not let anyone, even family, tell me that I was wrong.

So when I read posts about others going through those doubts, I just can't imagine it. It might sound like rebellion is a bad thing, but everyone needs to go through a phase of it to become their own person. It might have been easier for me, given my upbringing, but it's the natural order of growing up.

If you stop caring about what others think about you, you expand your chances of becoming an individual instead of part of the machine.

Sure that stage goes away in time. I still don't care what others think about me, but I am not doing anything, anymore, just to get a rise out of people.

When you get past the shock value of the rebellious stage, you just become you. People expect it of you, and they don't openly judge you for it. Their might be some deep seeded feelings, but it no longer is something that is talked about openly.

Give in to yourself.

Join the 7/20 Rally to Legalize Marijuana and Dreadlocks!

• http://www.facebook.com/events/298373803586422/

100% Pure Aloe Vera Gel for my dreads, would love to hear experiences with it on dreads, pros? cons? Gimme what ya got people Thanks for your time

Today is finally the day i start my natural dreads!! i am so excited, the only problem is i have to keep reminding myself that i can't brush my hair with my fingers, but other than that, i just have to be patient and let my hair be. i can wait to see how my hair turns out, especially in a month, i hope it all goes well:)

this is my first day on this site, and i plan on using it alot. i guess ill tell you little dreadlings about my dread experience so far! i started my locks about four months ago inFebruary. I wanted to dread my hair for a while because i havenaturallystraight hair and i was getting bored with it, and i also wanted to make beads and put them in them. but i got suspended from school so i had some time on my hands, it was the perfect opportunity. after i started my friend timmy, who has had his locks for over a year now offered to finish the ones in the back for me. he used the backcomb method, and i used both backcombing and twist and rip. i love my dreads and i cannot wait until there all tightened and fully matured. i make alot of my own beads out of clay, which i love to do also. but im going to bed, so goodnight guys.

peaceout<3

i combed my dreads out yet again. I am very sad but at the same time im not sure it was the right time to have them. It is very hard to try to make the transition and change when surrounded by people who dont understand. Ive made a post about this before, about my boyfriend not liking my dreads. he want non supportive or anything, he just didnt care. He didnt get excited about the loops and all the changes in my hair like i did and i didnt really have anyone to share those exciting moments with. I didnt nesicarliy NEED to share them with someone but it just would have been nice for someone to get excited with me.

I had made a post a while ago about not being sure if i wanted to dread my hair again. I think me not being sure should have been a sign that now is not the time. But i did it anyway and just ended up combing them out and now feeling like i wasted my time and energy just to comb them out. i hate that feeling. and if i try to talk to my boyfriend about it or say i miss my dreads hes like well u shouldnt have combed them out. but what he doesnt understand is that he is one of the main reasons why i comb them out. he didnt once compliment me or tell me i was beautiful for the three months that i had my natural set. but the day i started combing them out and he came home from work and saw what i was doing he said oh who is that pretty girl.. i hurt. A LOT. me having dreads doesnt change who i am or really how I look. All that changes is my hair( to him anyways.. it changes a lot for me but just to someone looking at you thats the only difference) my face is still the same, i still talk the same, IM THE SAME PERSON.. and what really sucks now is that after combing them out i feel ugly. when i had them it was like idk its hard to explain. i didnt really worry about how my hair looked and now i feel like i cant just wash it and let it be because i have to make it look a certain way now. i hate that. i loved myself with them and now i just feel ugly. thats the only way that i can describe it.

but at the same time when i had them i though about combing them out all the time. its weird. i think i just need to do some soul searching and then when the time comes and i finally feel like i can have dreads and actually keep them i will.

i just dont know whats going on in my head anymore. some days i love dreads some days i just wanted my hair and to be "normal" and not have people stare at me when i went to the store and stuff. I just wanted to be my old country girl self again i guess.. idk

anyways. sad to see them gone and its really different, but one day, one day they WILL be back.

Despite some coaxing along we are still going snails pace in progress. But it's fine. While I'd love a loop or knot there is a peace in just letting go & not caring about it. I'm happy just letting my hair fall free & whatever. I've had a couple issues when my 8 month old got her grabby fingers caught in my layers, she pulled out some hair but it seems my sections are all still intact, heck maybe she messed it up more & helped me along (i can hope!) After taking the pictures for 4 months of the back of my head I actually laughed out loud looking at them, & smiled. When starting this journey I thought heck knots form overnight this will be cake, I'll have progress in no time. I worried about the rats nest I'd have overnight & how hard it would be to separate & bead/wrap it. How silly I was At this pace I haven't had to worry about such things, & it's probably just the right pace for me. They know how to form, they know when to form, they will find their own way, in time.

I wash with the http://shop.dreadlockshampoo.com/ lockin liquid nag champa. I love it so much. I also have used the gel on my sections when they are noticeable. I do baking soda washes every once in a while. I have even done a few pastes to try to roughen my hair up & encourage knots. I use sea salt sprays sometimes, or use it in my bs wash. I've used lemon juice to try & lighten my dye job but haven't noticed any difference. I have a tam i've worn a few times, and I wore it to bed for a while, now I just have a wool pillowcase but I'm taking some time off from that to see if it's hindering instead of helping progress.

The beads I have all slip out of my sections so I went to the garage looking for smaller ones, I uncovered a load of hemp thread (YAY WRAPS!) & a couple small beads. I used the beads & lost a bunch of them already, i wrapped a couple sections & plan on wrapping up a few more today. I have enough of the thread to last me a while. I think the beads or wraps kinda helped my sections tighten & stick, no big changes. Maybe if i keep adding them over time it will show.

If you get frustrated with progress, aren't seeing anything one day take some motion photos. It's a new awesome view, even with little progress they seem to turn out pretty great! You'll get some kewl photos & a messy head

Even without the loops & knots I crave I'm enjoying my locks for what they are each day. Despite changing slow they do change daily, my sections tighten a little, or split in half or congo. I haven't separated at all yet, they have been left to work themselves out for now. Most of the sections are very tiny. I'm excited by my little slow changes, & can't wait to see the big milestones when they finally arrive. It's worth the wait. My locks are amazing now, & will be great in time. I love them for all they are & all they aren't yet. They are mine, they are unique, they are lovely

I don't have too much to say, only that it is my 9 month dreadversary and I couldn't be happier :D

June 1 came a lot quicker than I had intended and now I have nothing to say.. : S

I will say that last week was a very trying week for me because I had been very sick(since about Friday throwing up and the like) and on that following Monday, mom took me to the ER and it turned out that I was dehydrated. I had laid in the bed for around 3 days and he friction of my pillows really did a number on my dreads. The ones in back are really getting solid and I LOVE it. I just wish they would grow longer..

Anywho, the doctors gave me a liter of fluid and sent me home to rest up and I have been doing great ever since. That's pretty much all that has happened in the last month

I'm gonna try and post some pictures of my babies and their progress later in the week.

Thanks for reading! Have a good one :D

Please bare with me as blogging is not my greatest talent. Opening up and expressing myself has always been something I'm not great at either. This week has been a tough one for me, so this will most likely be a venting blog. A apologize ahead of time for this blog having no point, and also for it's randomness. I have honestly debated for a long time about whether to post this or not. I ultimately decided to because I thought maybe there would be at least person that can relate.

A little back story:

In Oct. 2001 I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance (depression and severe anxiety), and hospitalized at the age of 14. I can remember every minute, hour, day, week and month that I spent there as if it were yesterday. When I was younger I always wondered why I was always so sad. I knew I was different from other kids because they were happy, and I wasn't. My whole life I have lived under a grey cloud that weighs me down everyday. When I was younger I tried to kill the sadness with drugs and alcohol. They gave me relief, but that relief was always short lived. As soon as my buzz or high wore off, there I was again back under my cloud.

I know a lot of people suffer from depression these days, but it is still a subject that is not talked about enough. A lot of times the ones who talk about it only suffer from temporary depression, or a mild form that was brought on by a sad event. They go through their depression, and then they get over it. I wish I could say it was that way for me, but unfortunately it's not. When I was diagnosed, I was given a pill and sent on my way. Back then it was shameful to take an anti-depressant. I kept my hospital stay quiet, and only my 3 best friends and close family knew about it. Other "friends" from school were told many different stories, but no one knew for sure what was going on.

It took a few different pills to get the right fit for me, but after a couple months it was helping. This may sound strange to those who don't suffer from depression or anxiety, but I finally had a grip of what it felt like to be "normal". When I say normal I don't mean what society calls normal, I mean normal as in I finally felt like I should've felt my whole life. Happy. My cloud was gone, only rarely would it trail far behind me. I could finally interact with my friends and classmate like a happy teenager would. Every time I would spent time with my sister she would ask me who took her sister and replaced her with this talkative, hyper person. I wanted to do things with my friends. I wanted to draw, and listen to music. I didn't have to wake up everyday and put on my "plastic Stephani" and pretend I could function. I could actually do it, and I wanted to!

Unfortunately though, along with all that happy, I still had shame bottled up deep inside. Shame from having to take a pill in order to function like every other person. In my mind, no one I knew had to take a pill to make them happy, they could be happy on their own. Why did I have to take this stupid pill just to feel normal? I was angry. I was angry at a lot of different things. We all have things from our childhood that aren't such happy things, but I held on to mine for far too long.

When I started my pills, I was told by the Dr. that I would be on them for the rest the of my life. Most people who need anti-depressants are only prescribed them for a relatively short period of time. I stopped taking my pills about a year after I was diagnosed. My Dr, was not happy with me at all, and to this day still checks on me through family (he's been our family Dr. for longer then I've been alive).

My life since going off my pills has been a roller coaster of crazy. After I stopped the medicine I started hanging with the wrong crowd and I got involved in things I knew nothing about. Things got pretty bad for a while, and I kind of spiraled out of control until about late 2005. I was at a bar (under aged) and I fell and completely shattered every ligament in my right ankle. Because I was put in a HUGE boot and on crutches for 8 months I had to move back in with my mom. Looking back, tearing my ankle all to pieces saved my life. I was on a crash course to nowhere fast, and the train was about to derail. During my time isolated on my mom's sofa is when I met my husband. He was the best thing that could have happened to me, and in the first year we spent together my depression never showed it's ugly head.

I told you all of that, to tell you this... In the 6 and half years that I have spent with my husband, he has never had the chance to experience how happy I truly can be. He's never seen the person I am with the help of my medicine. My cloud is back, and it's in full force.

My depression is probably worse then it's ever been. I have gotten great at hiding it, but it's truly getting harder every day. I'm kind of lost and drowning in my thoughts every day. I will never revert back to drugs, or my old lifestyle. But, I'm more so going in the other direction now. I'm becoming a complete hermit, I don't ever want to leave my house, and the only reason that I really do is because I have to work. Even going to work is becoming a challenge. I LOVE what I do, but my depression is doing what it does best. It's so great at making me not give a shit about anything.

My Mom wants me to get back on my med's, and in my heart I know that is what I should do for own sanity, but still I'm conflicted. I have all these thoughts jumbled in my head and I can't express them. I just feel so frustrated and sad.

I honestly have no idea where this blog is going, or why I'm even writing it. I don't talk to many people about my depression, because most don't understand it, but I guess it's nice to just get it out regardless if anyone reads it or not. I wish I knew how to express myself better.