I almost posted this under "help save my dreads" because maybe the solution to my problem is to remove them?
My dreadlocks are more a part of me than just hair. They feel like my roots to the world at times. That's why, when I started them, they represented an outward act of love for my self. After struggling with turning 30 for a few months I decided to dread. My biggest struggles seem to center around the lack of love in my life, and I figured the only way I was going to get love is from myself (insert masturbation joke here). I was really starting to reach a point in my life of acceptance, accepting who I am and how my past has shaped me and how to forge a future with what I've been given. I really felt like I've been a dreadie all along but without the locks to show for it, and I was just becoming more myself. Dreading was not only a loving gift to myself, it was one other people could see, one that I could wear proudly, like a woman wears an engagement ring or the guy with his sports car. I loved myself, which we all know isn't the easiest thing to achieve sometimes.
Immediately after starting my dreads I met someone. I instantly felt connected to this person, like everything else became dim next to his brightness and I simply could not look away, I was drawn like a moth to the flame. I didn't know what love could be until I met him. I felt like I was made for this person, and he was made for me. I felt grateful to his parents for birthing him, for crying out loud. I am known to feel things deeply, but I have never felt so much love for another person. When I told him I loved him for the first time I wasn't even aware I was saying it until it was coming out my mouth. I felt like I had met my match, my soul mate, my best friend, my life partner. I didn't even try to save a little love for myself, I gave him every last bit.... and there's my problem.
Yup. He dumped me.
Now I'm not in a good place. In fact I'm not dealing with the breakup well at all. I can't seem to find any love for myself anywhere inside of me. And I'm wearing these locks every day, I can't just take them off until I feel better. And I also have the unfortunate circumstance that my dreads basically formed while I was in this relationship. All my beads are connected to him somehow, all the reasons I do what I do with my hair are because of his advice, I almost feel like they are our dreads and not mine, that I didn't grow them myself? I know that sounds crazy.
I keep thinking I should take them out until I feel love again. I also keep thinking I shouldn't do anything crazy just because I got dumped. I don't know if anyone has any good words of wisdom, maybe a story of their own dreadlocks emotional journey.... have you restarted your dreads for similar reasons? Maybe you just have something nice to say to help bring some love and light back into my life.
This is long. Thanks for reading.
updated by @lisasimpson: 02/14/15 05:44:49AM