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Dreadlocks Emotional Journey

7 years ago
19 posts

I almost posted this under "help save my dreads" because maybe the solution to my problem is to remove them?

My dreadlocks are more a part of me than just hair. They feel like my roots to the world at times. That's why, when I started them, they represented an outward act of love for my self. After struggling with turning 30 for a few months I decided to dread. My biggest struggles seem to center around the lack of love in my life, and I figured the only way I was going to get love is from myself (insert masturbation joke here). I was really starting to reach a point in my life of acceptance, accepting who I am and how my past has shaped me and how to forge a future with what I've been given. I really felt like I've been a dreadie all along but without the locks to show for it, and I was just becoming more myself. Dreading was not only a loving gift to myself, it was one other people could see, one that I could wear proudly, like a woman wears an engagement ring or the guy with his sports car. I loved myself, which we all know isn't the easiest thing to achieve sometimes.

Immediately after starting my dreads I met someone. I instantly felt connected to this person, like everything else became dim next to his brightness and I simply could not look away, I was drawn like a moth to the flame. I didn't know what love could be until I met him. I felt like I was made for this person, and he was made for me. I felt grateful to his parents for birthing him, for crying out loud. I am known to feel things deeply, but I have never felt so much love for another person. When I told him I loved him for the first time I wasn't even aware I was saying it until it was coming out my mouth. I felt like I had met my match, my soul mate, my best friend, my life partner. I didn't even try to save a little love for myself, I gave him every last bit.... and there's my problem.

Yup. He dumped me.

Now I'm not in a good place. In fact I'm not dealing with the breakup well at all. I can't seem to find any love for myself anywhere inside of me. And I'm wearing these locks every day, I can't just take them off until I feel better. And I also have the unfortunate circumstance that my dreads basically formed while I was in this relationship. All my beads are connected to him somehow, all the reasons I do what I do with my hair are because of his advice, I almost feel like they are our dreads and not mine, that I didn't grow them myself? I know that sounds crazy.

I keep thinking I should take them out until I feel love again. I also keep thinking I shouldn't do anything crazy just because I got dumped. I don't know if anyone has any good words of wisdom, maybe a story of their own dreadlocks emotional journey.... have you restarted your dreads for similar reasons? Maybe you just have something nice to say to help bring some love and light back into my life.

This is long. Thanks for reading.

updated by @lisasimpson: 02/14/15 05:44:49AM
Valentin the Jellyfish
7 years ago
79 posts
i dont think you should take them out, you learned from this experience as anyone does from everyday. The dreads and beads will be a reminder of what happened, but it would also be a reminder you kept on going. You said, "They feel like my roots to the world at times." you should let your roots grow and become stronger.
Alicia Burnit
7 years ago
17 posts

I was in a bad marriage when I begun my first dreadlock journey. My exhusband had dreadlocks when I first met him, and he very much influenced the route I took in my dreadlock care. I didn't ever feel quite right in my first set though, I felt ugly and like I wasn't pulling them off at all.

I did cut off my dreadlocks shortly after I divorced him. For me that was the way to go. I afterwards discovered self-love for the first time ever. Of course, I then started my dreadlocks journey a second time and love every bit of it.

What I'm saying is, I can relate and it's really only something you can answer for yourself. It would be a shame to let him take away your "roots to the world," just because of some ass that didn't recognize the awesomeness that is you.

I hope you soon realize the right path for you and your dreads.

Shanxon Lemasters
7 years ago
411 posts
How long have you had your dreads in? Just outta curiousity. I don't think you should let someone else ruin something that is so deep inside of you, but if they don't feel yours maybe you should take that step, cut/brush them out and start a new journey in your life, only you can really make that decision. I hope that the decision you decide on is yours alone (and if it is it will be the right one) and not based on someone who did not see how lucky they were to have you!
7 years ago
19 posts

Thank you everyone for the love and the light. I really could use all the positive energy I can get and I'm trying to keep myself as open to it as possible.

I think the reason this has been so hard for me is that it is a compound problem; there's more than one thing that is making me consider cutting my dreads. One, the absence of self-love and two, the ties to my ex. Combined, they make a persuasive case, but on their own aren't good enough reasons. Alicia is right, it would be a shame to allow someone else to take my dreads away. And Valentin is right, too, it will only make me stronger (thus strengthening self-love!) I just have to keep being patient and wait for the storm to pass. I mean, dreadlocks are the biggest test of patience and I am doing really well at that.....

Shanxon I started my dreads in January. I know that's not that long, really.

7 years ago
1 posts
Firstly... i am not a stalker, i found your video on youTUBE - (even subscribed to you for more dread update videos because I felt I found a kindred-spirit ha!!) and you you recommended this website, so I duly clicked and then looking through the awesomeness of information and inspiration and I scroll down and THERE you were!! an eyecatching photo just snagged me so I clicked to say hello to you, and I found your post above about misplacing your attachment for your dreads because your heart got punched in the face. oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh YOUR HAIR IS A PART OF YOU keep them! CHANGE all the beads !!!!! - keep them as sentimentals if you must:P -, but take them off your person BREAK THEM WITH PINCHY-PLIERS -remooooove them!- x reclaim your dreadlocks with colours, bravery in the brightness, and something sparkly! and something organic - a crystal bead, whatever, just make the adornments all from you and in the same token as your FIRST INITIAL reasons for first getting the dreads - that's your HAIR- a part of you and don't see any association with him, he also had your lips, and your heart (!). but you don't CHOP or disown or remove those parts of you, or feel less love towards them. X had your dreads and you loved yourself (and wanted the world to see that - which he did and was obviously attracted to because that's the most beautiful thing in the world) - so before he came along and played rugby with your heart (rough as man, a brutal sport, kicking, and more punching!) - so love you again, take away the relationship-linked-beads, any that have a story...! and get yourself new ones, wrap up in colour and take a day at a time X i am sending my most positive best loving thoughts wishes strength and care X ~Char*
7 years ago
184 posts

I very much agree with Char. Your dreads are attached to YOU, not to this man who (figuratively) belted you in the heart. He doesn't deserve to be linked to something as personal as your hair - nor to you. In time you might meet someone who truly deserves you - and your dreads. Meanwhile, dress them in new beads, threads, crystals, whatever you like. Nourish yourself, keep in touch with people that care for you. In the end, your dreads - and you - will turn out to be stronger than this heartbreak.

I guess it's just like getting dreads - getting stronger inside takes time, care and patience.

7 years ago
836 posts

You started your dread journey before the relationship.You started it for you...not for him. Your dreads are a symbol of your self love. Right now you are hurt. Don't punish yourself by cutting them. If you cut them, you are cutting the symbol of your self love. That would be a horrible thing to do. The act of cutting them would then be symbolic of self hatred. of proving to yourself that you are unlovable. Let your dreads be your strength (just like Samson).

I do agree with Char, get rid of beads that have memories tied to the relationship. Reclaim YOUR journey. Learn to love yourself again. You are so very worthy of love!

7 years ago
69 posts

I can totally relate and sympathize with your broken heart...The woman who thought I was the one, told me shes not ready to commit to anyone right now in her life and needs space...But, im not here to talk about my story, Im here to tell you that I too am heartbroken and need to focus on loving myself because I gave this person all my love without saving any for myself. So needless to say my floor has been taking out from under me, I can find no motivation or inspiration, im devastated...But im not here for pity, Im here to let you know your story inspired me. Dont cut your dreads. They are yourdreads! Not his. I agree with a previous poster about changing the beads, which isa much more logical approach. In anycase, make an attempt to keep your chin up and if you need support from another heart broken dreadie shoot me a message.

☮ soaring eagle ॐ
7 years ago
28,421 posts

mhmmm like he sais alotta us ghgert in these situatiobs

but lisa your my fave cartoon charachter and i love ya alot

dont u worry you are surrounded by love even if u cant feel it at the momment being sheltered by your lil protective barrier you put up to sheild yourself from the pain but dont ya worry the pressure of all that love will break down that barrier oon enough you'll rrealize how much love u truly got and it will alk be ok

love you

27 years growing dreadlocks the natural way
My dreads are over 9 feet long
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