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Location: Munising, MI
Zipcode: 49862
Country: US


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600 Days of Dread...

user image 2013-03-22
By: Tia
Posted in:

Wow, when you put it that way... 600 messy, outrageous, bad hair, good hair, untamed, annoying, painful, wonderful days of dread. That makes it seem like it's been much longer than it actually has been. It's been good for me, though. This journey is allowing me to become the person I really have always been inside and only partially shown. Some people have stayed in my life and accepted me for exactly who I am and love me no matter what.... Some have distanced themselves, for what reason I'm still not entirely sure... It's just hair, right? I know some people can't handle my brass confidence and the fact that I truly do not care what others think (aside from my husband. I like to know he loves who I am.).

I had a best friend who I thought I needed at the time. I thought she was good for me. She told me my quirky make-up, different colored hair, mismatched socks, funky clothes, and way of thinking just weren't right. She "taught" me how to do all the "right" things and shook her head at me when I would continuously revert back to my "odd" ways time and again. She even thought I was wrong to be completely alright with being single and possibly never finding my perfect person (the least I could do was settle for now... WTF?!). I realized more than a few years ago that she was the one who was wrong the whole time and I think she knew it, too. She was intimidated by the fact that I was alright being different. So much so that she pecked away at my confidence every chance she got (and damnit, I fucking let her. Still kicking myself in the ass over that one) and made me believe that I was wrong for whatever reason. Life choices I tried making for myself she would belittle them and me, using my doubts against me until I believed what she was saying and changed my mind... every fucking time I was going to succeed at something, she would convince me that it was the wrong thing and that I would fail (which is my biggest fear.).

She moved away to another city, got married, and had a child... And I started hanging around with people who were okay with me being me. It was amazing and refreshing to just be accepted as I was. When she would come back to visit, it would go right back to her convincing me that I did things wrong, and the people I was hanging around with were wrong. And I still hadn't realized that she wasn't all that good for me yet... YET.

There was one good... no great thing that happened to me during this friendship. She decided that I needed to get back on the horse and start dating. So, she set me up with her cousin, whom she thought I could use as a "starter" to get my feet wet. She of course didn't tell either one of us this and figured we'd self-destruct because we are such opposites (him being a Marine and me so wishy-washy) and that when he rejected me for being so different I would see that I needed to go back to being "normal".

It's funny how things backfire in people's faces... Her cousin actually fancied me and I him (before she even considered getting us involved). We are definitely opposites, but what we have works and works really well. So much so that after seven years we still make people want to gag being around us. We have been through some pretty bad things in those seven years and have come out the other end smiling. We take our vows pretty seriously and didn't jump into the marriage part for the hell of it. We're in it for the long haul. My husband encourages me, there's nothing I can't do in his eyes. As independent as I am, he was what I needed (a real best friend) to really make me believe in myself.

I know I'm rambling (I'm on some pretty good pain meds for an injury lol). I just really love the transformation my life is going through. Not all of it has been good, but we are making it work and I am just thankful that he's been by my side through it all.

I'm done rambling and making no sense at all HAHA!

the Barrellady
03/24/13 12:00:22AM @the-barrellady:

Yours is a beautiful self discovery story. Life is so interesting with "different" people scattered into the mix. If we were all like you friend, and the clones that others think we should look like, then life would be dull for us and those around us. Some of the people that make comments or want/expect a certain look from family or friends actually have a secret jealousy of not being able to let go like we can, and to allow their self to be them, not what others in society want. You my friend have found the happiness to a good human being and be true to your self.

I am happy for you and your husband. Peace

03/23/13 11:14:10PM @tia:

Thank you!

03/23/13 11:13:34PM @tia:


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