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Trying to find a middle ground with husband

Snick
@snick
5 years ago
28 posts

I've wanted dreads for a while, but my husband is opposed to the idea. I'd thought about getting dreadfalls and he's okay with that, but there's something about natural dreads that really appeals to me. As I'm making the switch to a vegetarian lifestyle, I'm wanting the natural dreads even more.

Also, I'm in a legal battle with my ex-husband, so I'm also hesitant to get dreads for that reason, since many people in those positions look negatively toward people with dreads.

I guess my questions are:

1. Is it ridiculous for a 32 year old married mother of two to get dreads in the first place?

2. Have you had people look down on you simply for the dreads?

3. Is it possible to have some dreads, but not your whole head dreaded?

4. Have any of you dealt with negative opposition from family members for getting dreads?


updated by @snick: 02/14/15 08:20:39AM
☮ soaring eagle ॐ
@soaring-eagle
5 years ago
27,921 posts

1no we have 65 year old grandmothers dreading im 45 and have had dreads 22 years now

2 for every 1 that looks down on u theres 10000 that look up to you you will get some negativity and the negative ones will be very vocal and rude about it but you also get ppl shoutting from a block away "respect" or "i love yiur dreads"

3 yesa but you will want a full head once your started

4 family are usualy the least supportivre often they are afriad of how your appearance reflects on them

like look who hes with whats wrong with her hair he must be a weirdo.. but when they see you get more respect and admiration then negativity they tend to come around and be prpud not ashamed to be seen with you




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Creator and head dreadhead at:
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Glider pilot student at:
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Baba Fats
@baba-fats
5 years ago
2,730 posts

If they will make you happy and feel better about yourself, get them.

People will make comments, but like Eagle said, it's usually family because they are insecure and think you're appearance reflects on them. My own mom still hates my hair after 6 years. She's not as vocal about it anymore, but she comments about them once in a while.

The best part of growing locks is that you are able to weed about the people who matter the most in your life. Your husband may not like the idea, but I'm sure that if you start growing them, he;ll learn to love them. There's a post here for people who want to show their parents that locks are not bad. Eagle may remember who posted it. I'll keep looking.

Snick
@snick
5 years ago
28 posts

Thanks, everyone! Keep 'em coming!!

Valérie
@valrie
5 years ago
548 posts

1. Is it ridiculous for me, a 31 year old mother of 1, to have dreads? I don't think so, what about you? ;)

2. To be perfectly honest, I have gotten a couple of dirty looks in public but I have not had any verbal negative feedback at all. In fact, I have had very positive feedback in the past 2 months!

3. It is possible but in a TON of cases where someone has done a partial they eventually go all out and let the rest of their head dreadlock.

4. My family hasn't said anything bad about the hair yet (which actually surprised me!) so if they don't like them then at least they are being the bigger person by keeping their opinions where I like them to stay.
My bf wasn't too thrilled about my dreads when I showed up to his house with them started. He had a LOT of misconceptions about dreadlocks (and I am pretty sure that is the reason why so many people are negative about them to begin with.) Ultimately, it's my decision and I'm a grown woman and I don't feel the need to ask permission for something within my grasp that I want.

You can always were a snood when you have to deal with the legal meetings with your ex (sorry to hear that it's come down to that) but unless you are a complete wretch of a human being, there is no reason for you to feel threatened by your stance in the legal system. A snood can be very lovely and a woman can look rather refined while wearing one. They are also pretty loose so that you don't have to worry about your hair being terrible set back by wearing one.

kezz
@kezz
5 years ago
28 posts

Hi, I'm 45 and just starting my dreads. Why does your husband care what you do with your hair? What is he worried about. I think you should just do what you want to do, if he loves you he will be happy if you are happy :) Good luck whatever your decision turns out to be!

Snick
@snick
5 years ago
28 posts

So, my husband has agreed to a trial with dreads. If he just can't get over it looking weird on me, I'll comb them out.

My husband has been super supportive of me with some major life changes (tattoos, piercings, going veg), so I'm going to let his hesitation on this issue slide =)

Baba Fats
@baba-fats
5 years ago
2,730 posts

I can respect that. But remind him that locks look really funny and not very much like mature locks for a good 6 months, depending on your hair type. So if he doesn't like in the first few months, remind him that it'll be some time before they mature

Snick
@snick
5 years ago
28 posts

Thanks! I'll do that.
Now I'm working on doing the dreads myself, since I don't have any dread friends to help. I like the twist and rip method, from what I'm seeing. Any tips for doing it yourself?

Baba Fats
@baba-fats
5 years ago
2,730 posts

Patience. It can take a while. Don;t make the sections too big. Mix and match sizes. Cookie-cutter locks don't look as nice as people think they do. a too big section is bigger than a quarter. they should be smaller unless you want to end up with a few massive locks. But huge locks are a pain to wash and dry.

Don' tighten them all the way to the scalp. over-tightening will cause you to pull out hairs and expose your scalp. This can cause baldness if done too often and to too many.

Don't make the pieces you are TnRing the same size. They end up looking braided if they are. uneven sizes looks more natural.

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