By Athena G, 2014-04-11
My grandfather(73) passed suddenly on Saturday (4/5/14). This leaves my grandmother(66) alone with three dogs and two cats. She has had multiple health issues her entire life, cannot drive, and has to move around with a cane, but she falls quite frequently. Obviously, I want to do whatever I can to help her during this difficult time.
Having said that, she is a blatant racist, republican (everything is Obama's fault republican), and likes bringing up all the people she has struck as a result of irritating her. And since I am single, living at home, and not tied down by babies, I have been selected to move in with her. I say selected, because this was decided without even asking me how I felt about it. I thought I would be able to find a different solution, mainly because I have lived with her before (before my grandfather passed) and they made it painfully clear they didn't want me there.
But yesterday, while everyone was sobbing and paying their respects at the casket, she asked me if I would be moving in. I never had a choice, and in that moment I couldn't say no. I do want to help her, and I understand WHY I am the perfect (and really only) candidate to move in, but I was never consulted, and they told her before I could even make a decision.
In the midst of not knowing how to handle the passing of my grandfather's death' I'm harboring resentment towards my family. I'm 24, and single for the first time in 10 years. I wanted to start my life this summer, and instead I'll be confined in a home with a bitter old woman whom I have NOTHING in common with other than genetics. That's harsh, but I'm taking a moment to be selfish. I can either become the asshole of the family or become a caged bird. I'm mostly upset that they asked me after they confirmed it, and when I tried to find other alternatives they were shocked, and upon confronting them, they agreed they did it behind my back because there are no other options. "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!"
I've suggested the alert pendants and care-givers, but those ideas have been rejected.
So I'm asking this dready community for advice.
By Athena G, 2014-05-02
Disclaimer: Sorry for bringing in the negativity lately guys, I just feel like this is a safe place to get out what I'm feeling and if advice is offered it's objective and not just my family telling me to deal with it. I really appreciate this community and thank all those who have helped by offering suggestions and the like. Your support/guidance helps more than I can express. <3
As stated in my previous blog, I've been selected to move in with my grandmother following the sudden death of my grandfather. I was weary at first, but gradually became used to the idea and even a little excited at the thought of having my own space upstairs. BUT NO, that would be silly...
My step sister has been with an alcoholic for a few years now, and they have a beautiful 7 month old daughter together. But a week or so ago, the inevitable happened; he came home drunk and started pushing her around. She didn't put up with it and stood her ground, but he did cause her a serious gash on her leg (pushed her over the baby's walker, baby wasn't in it though). She has since moved into the house I'm currently in (my parents/her mom's home) and took no time in asking my grandmother if she could move into the other room upstairs at her place. I wouldn't have had a problem with that if my stepsister was a normal person. Drama (and marijuana) is so essential to her life it's practically another food group. I busted the alcoholic over here at midnight snuggled up with her in the recliner and then on the pullout couch bed in the livingroom. That was a few DAYS after he had been shoving her around their livingroom and caused her physical harm, in front of their child. I have never told someone to "Get the fuck out!" in such a fury before. Instead of telling my stepsister how stupid that was, I tried to empower her and tell her she was smarter, and better than that (in front of his fucking face). So the next night she spent the night at his place (after telling me I had to leave the living room so she could get sleep for work)
I absolutely hate being lied to. I would rather she said she needed a piece so she was gonna go stay at his place (his home is literally right across the street from my parents home). And of course when I confronted her for him being there she said "he was only there to see Layla". It was midnight, she goes to be at 8:30, and he wasn't snuggled up with Layla, he was snuggled up with HER... -_-
Now, my grandmother has told her if she has anything to do with him aside from the baby, she's NOT moving in. So I assumed I was going to have the upstairs to myself again. NOPE: again, she switched on the tears and got her way. But I'm not budging on the issue; if she has any further contact with him aside from their baby, I WILL NOT live in the same house as her. I refuse to watch someone continue to be manipulated by someone who makes them utterly miserable. I've told her his alcoholism and abuse only gets worse from here, and she goes and spends the night with him after a few days?! No. Just...no...
Adding to that, she is going to start working second shift next week, so I KNOW when we officially move in to my grandma's home I'm going to be expected to be her built-in babysitter, and that really pisses me off. I was worried about being a caged bird, now it seems that will surely happen. My niece is great, but I don't want my services abused because I'm also living there. I don't want children, and I don't feel as though I'm stable enough to handle a baby going through separation anxiety. Crying exasperates me quickly.
Any insight is appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read my (growing) frustrations :P
By Athena G, 2015-08-19
Hello beloved dready community,
I see my last blogs were pretty downright miserable. Trying to cope with the loss of my grandfather, being forced to move in with my grandmother, living with a step-sister who notoriously makes very poor decisions, and being seperated from my partner.
The bad news: I lived with my grandmother and step-sister for about 4 months before I snapped. My step-sister was allowed vast freedom, and I was indeed expected to be a caged bird, only allowed to wallow in my grandmother's misery and frustrations, and maintain the house. The step-sister is back with the alcoholic asshole.
The sad news: Shortly before I moved out of my grandmother's I noticed she had been over medicating and going into nearly comatose states. When my grandfather's birthday and the holidays started to roll around, my grandmother's mental state continued to diminish. She has been diagnosed with dimentia, which both her parents had. She is living with my father and under hospice care for now. I know she just wants to be with her husband again, and it's the hardest thing to see someone suffering to live without their life long partner.
The good news: After 2 1/2 months apart, Brent and I realized we are soul mates. We got back together in (I believe) early June 2014, and he proposed in September of last year. We will be married on October 10th of this year, having been in love (if not always together) for over 8 years. We continue to address and work on our isssues and have allowed ourselves to be truly open to what the other needs to say.
The dready news: I've had my deads in for just over 1 1/2 years now and my constant need to fuss with them seems to be hindering their progress. I purchased and installed double ended dreadlock extensions by passing one end through the root of my actual dread and pulling until they were even. It didn't take long for me to realize the damage I was doing to the roots. They began splitting from the weight of the wool dread constantly pulling down. They've been out for a few weeks now and IF I reinstall them it will only be for the wedding to get the longer haired look I want. Patience has never been my virtue. I have been washing with Pantene Aqua Light which is free of parabens, silicones, or dyes. I did an intense BS/ACV wash a few months ago to get any built up gunk out and haven't been using conditioner as much (twice a month and shampooing once a week). I am concered with some thinning near the roots though, but wonder if that it just from the "extensions" and will diminish?