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Athena G
Athena G


Location: Ohio
Zipcode: 44095
Country: US


Soaring Eagle, Christian "Lazy Dreads", Quinn of SG, KoRn,


Blogs: 3
images: 12
audio tracks: 16

Let's add to the bullshit shall we?

user image 2014-05-02
By: Athena G
Posted in:

Disclaimer: Sorry for bringing in the negativity lately guys, I just feel like this is a safe place to get out what I'm feeling and if advice is offered it's objective and not just my family telling me to deal with it. I really appreciate this community and thank all those who have helped by offering suggestions and the like. Your support/guidance helps more than I can express. <3

As stated in my previous blog, I've been selected to move in with my grandmother following the sudden death of my grandfather. I was weary at first, but gradually became used to the idea and even a little excited at the thought of having my own space upstairs. BUT NO, that would be silly...

My step sister has been with an alcoholic for a few years now, and they have a beautiful 7 month old daughter together. But a week or so ago, the inevitable happened; he came home drunk and started pushing her around. She didn't put up with it and stood her ground, but he did cause her a serious gash on her leg (pushed her over the baby's walker, baby wasn't in it though). She has since moved into the house I'm currently in (my parents/her mom's home) and took no time in asking my grandmother if she could move into the other room upstairs at her place. I wouldn't have had a problem with that if my stepsister was a normal person. Drama (and marijuana) is so essential to her life it's practically another food group. I busted the alcoholic over here at midnight snuggled up with her in the recliner and then on the pullout couch bed in the livingroom. That was a few DAYS after he had been shoving her around their livingroom and caused her physical harm, in front of their child. I have never told someone to "Get the fuck out!" in such a fury before. Instead of telling my stepsister how stupid that was, I tried to empower her and tell her she was smarter, and better than that (in front of his fucking face). So the next night she spent the night at his place (after telling me I had to leave the living room so she could get sleep for work)

I absolutely hate being lied to. I would rather she said she needed a piece so she was gonna go stay at his place (his home is literally right across the street from my parents home). And of course when I confronted her for him being there she said "he was only there to see Layla". It was midnight, she goes to be at 8:30, and he wasn't snuggled up with Layla, he was snuggled up with HER... -_-

Now, my grandmother has told her if she has anything to do with him aside from the baby, she's NOT moving in. So I assumed I was going to have the upstairs to myself again. NOPE: again, she switched on the tears and got her way. But I'm not budging on the issue; if she has any further contact with him aside from their baby, I WILL NOT live in the same house as her. I refuse to watch someone continue to be manipulated by someone who makes them utterly miserable. I've told her his alcoholism and abuse only gets worse from here, and she goes and spends the night with him after a few days?! No.

Adding to that, she is going to start working second shift next week, so I KNOW when we officially move in to my grandma's home I'm going to be expected to be her built-in babysitter, and that really pisses me off. I was worried about being a caged bird, now it seems that will surely happen. My niece is great, but I don't want my services abused because I'm also living there. I don't want children, and I don't feel as though I'm stable enough to handle a baby going through separation anxiety. Crying exasperates me quickly.

Any insight is appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read my (growing) frustrations :P

Athena G
08/16/14 03:13:38AM @athena-g:

Update: So it's been just oiver 3 months. Shortly after moving in with my grandmother, my boyfriend and I reunited. We had been separated for a little over 2 months. In that time I realized I only wanted to be with him, and he realized things were not as good as he thought they were (he understood why I felt the need to leave). We worked through everything, and we are now better than ever and even planning our wedding. We have been together for the better part of 7 years, aside from occasional "breaks".

Now the living situation: Turns out I never had to worry about watching my niece, and my step-sister is rarely here. She still manages to cause me grief by coming by every few days to royally mess up the house and steal/borrow $ from my grandmother. My grandmother is well aware she is stealing the $, because she is leaving it out as bait. BUT, she will not DO or SAY anything to make it stop, and gets mad at me when I tell her she should. But she complains about it practically non-stop. My step-sister has been using her car for 4 months, and hasn't paid for the insurance once. I hear every day about how she is going to throw my step-sister out. She won't. And now I know why; she craves drama just as much as my step-sister does. To avoid it, I've worked out a schedule of when I will be home, and when I will be at my boyfriend's house. I spend the night here Friday and Saturdays, I'm here until 7:30pm on Sundays, Monday until 11:30pm, Tuesday until 1:30am, and Wednesdays and Thursday I spend entirely with my boyfriend (his days off). But Fridays are becoming unbearable. I come in after being gone for two days and immediately start cleaning (because apparently I'm the only one with the capacity to DO that). I'm met with guilt trips about being gone for two days "I fell" or "I ate PB sandwiches for dinner" (I purposely cook extra throughout the week so there will be plenty of leftovers for two days). She is so hostile towards me. I never wanted to be bitter with my grandmother, but I've seen the kind of person she really is, and I understand she is still grieving over the loss of her husband, but dammit, she was just as bad before. And because I was chosen to move in with her, I feel like I had to be strong for her, and haven't been allowed to deal with my grandfather passing. In short, when I'm here, I am in a slow growing state of desperation. I feel like my will is slowly being skinned away. I've never been so damn miserable. These two women are killing my soul with their drama. I've talked to my dad about everything, and he actually understands. He's asked that I make an effort to stay with her the whole week while he is on vacation, and I've agreed. But I told him after that I can't live here anymore. He leaves today, and is due back on the 23rd. My boyfriend has agreed to stay with me for the week, hoping to ease some of the stress. I start school again on the 25th, so that's a good reason for me to step away. I need to be able to focus on school. I NEED to be allowed to focus on the positive aspects of my life instead of being sucked into the drama and pain.

Athena G
05/06/14 12:56:09AM @athena-g:

S.E. - I wish I could do that :/ But I already feel guilty for living there for free. Everything will be provided for, so I'd feel bad expecting $ on top of "being taken care of". I just didn't think that in turn for me being supported financially I'd have to look after the home, my grandmother, niece, AND 4 dogs, and make sure the stepsister has dinner for when she gets home (5-7days/week). It's definitely not a fair trade. My parents have a way of convincing me everything will work out, but I don't believe it, and I told my mom today I resent being put in this situation. I know she feels bad, but isn't prepared to do anything to help me.

I felt (and sometimes continue to feel)...totally helpless. But slowly, I'm refusing to be.

The final straw came today: one of her friends acted in a manner unforgivable to my entire family (spreading lies and attempting to turn us all against eachother, all while putting on this "poor me" facade). My stepsister remains friends with her (because of her addiction to DRAMA), and has convinced my grandmother to allow her to visit. That I cannot, and will not abide. I just won't. The fact that my stepsister has already made my life 100x more dramatic just by being in the same household/prospective household as me, infuriates me. But

☮ soaring eagle ॐ
05/05/14 11:04:11PM @soaring-eagle:

ok tell them that your time is worth at least 15$ an hour

taking care of 1 is an 8 hour a day job 7 days a week so you expect x ammount but if your expected to take care of 4 thats a 20 hour a day 7 days a week job so u expect x ammount plus overtime over 40 hours

or they can get someone elsee

Athena G
05/05/14 09:43:25PM @athena-g:


The stepsister has been moved in for 1 whole day. When she split with the alcoholic, they had just gotten a mastiff-pit mix puppy. Guess who else move in? The puppy...

That was never part of the plan, the plan was to give the pup back to her friend (whose dog is the mother). The puppy is of course, not trained. As mentioned, the stepsister works second shift (3:30p-12a) so in addition to taking care of my grandmother and inevitably my niece, I now have to care for a rambunctious, teething puppy that is going to become huge in no time. Did I mention my grandmother already has three older dogs, who aren't taking to kindly to this new addition?

I said I'd take ONE for the team, not FOUR! I don't know how much more of this I can take, and I haven't even moved in yet...>.<

Athena G
05/03/14 12:02:49AM @athena-g:

It's not so much the notion of having to care for my niece while her mom's at work that bothers me. It's the fact that since my grandfather died I just keep being told what I'm GOING to do and being fed this false notion of having a choice in any of this when I was never given one. It's knowing I am EXPECTED to do this without complaint or argument that bothers me. Layla is for the most part an easy munchkin to care for, save for the fact that she is teething right now. In a way I think that refusing to babysit was my last chance to show I'm not just gonna be told what to do. I'm an adult, I expect to be the one making decisions about the course of my life. That's why I didn't want this situation in the first place; having the responsibility of ensuring my grandmother's safety/wellbeing, along with caring for a baby during the's too much for me. I want to have/live my own life. So I am bitter, and resentful. Not at Layla or my grandmother, but at those who assume they can command, and I'll obey. It also goes back to the lying thing. It's been said that my stepmother will watch Layla, but that means my stepsister will have to drop her off around 4:30pm and pick her up every work night around 12:30am. That might last 2 weeks at most. But I KNOW after awhile it'll be easier for THEM if I just watch her. So, bitterly, I've decided if they are doing everything in their power to make my life harder/not what I intended, I'll respond in kind however I can. It's childish and selfish, but at this moment I feel it's all I can do. I won't take it out on the innocent parties, but I will not blindly comply an instant longer.

California Emmet
05/02/14 10:04:19PM @california-emmet:

I agree with you that her relationship with him needs to be terminated as soon as possible. Otherwise, she will probably develop Battered Woman Syndrome, and its not uncommon for a battered woman to stay in an abusive relationship because of her emotional dependency on the man and lack of self-esteem and self-confidence until either she snaps and kills him or he kills her. So yeah that is a highly dangerous situation she is in. As far as your position I think so far you have treated it well in standing firm on your position. I personally would babysit anyway, but I know that you resent that idea a lot and in view of the situation you might: a)insist on being paid for taking care of the baby b) insist that she finds somebody else to take care of her c) or enlist your grandma to help you take care of the baby. Although, it would almost be good for her to have minimal contact with her parents as both seem to lack good sense and stability in which case you and your grandma may be the only positive influences in your niece's life. And really, living in such an unstable situation she will need all the love, positivity, and discipline she can get. As that mantle seems to be falling on your shoulders, you can choose to resent it and become another negative part of your niece's life, or choose to do the best you can with the situation you're in and to bear your burden proudly. You have been placed in this situation for a reason, for your benefit as well as your niece's. And just like dreads, it will be a rough yet rewarding journey. :)

☮ soaring eagle ॐ
05/02/14 04:36:19PM @soaring-eagle:

abused women crave abuse and control they think itts love when they beat em for not wiping his ass "he just cares hes trying to make me a better person im horible youd beat me too" mentality she needs escape ..counceling at the very least but more likely a battered womens safe house would be great option its like an apartment in a safe hoiuse with counceling to help break out of the abuse cycle

that would get her into her own place eventualy ..and able to handle things oin her owbn

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