So on sunday I meet this amazing girl at a giant public pillow fight and like... right now it's a HUGE clash of happiness and optimism, and feeling hurt and pessimistic. basically I kept chasing her throughout the crowd that night, well not literally CHASING her, but scoping her out.. not like a creep! just I reallyyyy wanted to meet her. she was like reallyyyy hippiesh like hugging hella people and being friendly to everyone who said hi to her, and all that. So I finally manage to go up and talk to her, she says hi and seems friendly and hippie dances her way off. damn. then later I go up to her again, we talk for maybe 12 seconds, then she hippie dances her way off. fuckk is she one of those types that you just can't hold on to?? so i see her chatting with some other guys, and more guys and yadiyada, i mean she's dancing all over the place so naturally hella guys go up to her, but no guys seem to be able to hold her talking for more than a minute or two at the most. so finally i just sit there and almost give up. then she walks by me, and is like hey! so i'm like fuckk this is my LAST CHANCE!!! so I get her to talk to me for like 40 minutes and get her to sit down with me, and things go pretty well. so she seems really intersted in me, hugs me, leans near me, and when her friend comes to tell her that shes leaving, she just kinda politely shoos her off, which was amazing, cuz i thought she would have used that as her excuse to ditch me.. so then she hears music playing somewhere and drags me with her, and i ask for her email, and she gives it to me, and give me her number to, voluntarily. turns out that this was the SAME girl i saw at the bluegrass festival and lovefest back in october! (but was too shy to talk to) so i say how crazy that is, and she smiles and says that it was meant to be. sounds like a good deal doesn't it? well there are some MAJOR things that are troubling me. First off... she's 22!!!! and I'm 17!!! I swear she looked like 18!!! I was NOT expecting her to say 22! it troubled me so much that I just didn't want to believe it. I told her I was a senior in highschool, and she still seemed interested in me. another thing that really bothers me, is that she seemed REALLLYY blazed. like she was smoking a joint, and just was spacey as heck. its not weed i have a problem with, it's just the idea that she might have only talked to me cause she was high... and didn't actually realize what she was doing.. or maybe shes just one of those really free love hippie types who will just "love" anyone... look I think thats great and have nothing against that at all, but i mean.. I really did think I was special... bottomo line... Is it weird that I want to be friends with this 22 year old??? I can't help but think that it's just really... just seems wrong.. even though i really want to be her friend..

So i had a really disturbing dream last night. I was in some river and I looked up at the night sky and there was this astronomically large black circle just taking up like 30 percent of the night sky. I remember hearing it was like some portal or something, activated by some other lifeforce out there. It was truly a terrifying site, and each time I looked at it just fell to the grond and started bugging out. This probably has something to do with my astrophobia, and fear of large astronomical bodies just manifesting in the sky. The sight of this black spot in the sky was just disgusting, and I couldn't figure out how to process this concept. I've always wondered what would happen to the human mind if something like a giant image just instantly took up the whole night sky, or if the whole sky just started sparkling and shifting shape and form right before our eyes, and if we as humans could handle it. I've always wondered what that feeling would be like, and I now know to some degree what it would be like. Yes, I am weird.