Getting a bit frustrated and needing help!

Hi, everyone! I am at my three month mark with my dreads, which I did using TNR method. I am having problems with dandruff and with them falling apart whenever I wash them. I usually wash every 3 days with baking soda, which I let sit while I shower, then use a Bucks County shampoo bar on top of that. I also have the Lockin' Up liquid shampoo. Both are great shampoos, especially for suds and rinsing with my hard water. They are great, leaving my hair very soft, but unfortunately NOT great for dreading or locking on MY particular hair, as the wonderful softness seems to just make them come apart! In the very beginning, I used my all natural body bar soaps, which seemed great for dreading, drying out my hair and helping it knot up. Would that leave residue or cause problems? I used Tom's or Zum soaps. Recently I have been using adding tea tree oil to the baking soda and using an ACV rinse. The ACV seems to help a lot with the dandruff but REALLY leaves it soft and makes dreads come apart!

I am OCD and always re-twist-and-ripping the loose ends. It used to be loose just at ends, about 2 inches or less, but now it is about the bottom half of the dread!! They are locking well in the middle but loose at the top and ends. Also having trouble with the back of my head - don't have anyone to help and it becomes quite the mess trying to do it by feel!

Anyway, what is your best advice on the dandruff? And is there a way to wash my hair more gently so they don't fall apart as much, or a different soap? Should I wash in a sink full of water rather than under the hard(ish) spray from the shower?

I also have lots of loose strands, which I am at a loss on how to get them into a dread! I know you're supposed to 'let them do their own thing and they'll find their place into a dread,' but when I leave them alone, I just keep getting more and more loose hairs! (And if they do find their own place, it is invariably in a dread 4-5 inches away, ha ha).

BTW, I am white and have white girl very, very fine, straight hair!

I have sprayed with sea salt water, but it leaves chunks of salt in my dreads which are hard to get out. It does help, though. Has anyone tried the Magic Locking Gel from the shampoo site you link with? Any reviews or comments on that?

Any advice would be much appreciated!!! Thank you so much for reading and helping!!

updated by @renee-stewart: 02/14/15 08:12:39AM

I actually do suffer from these disorders as well. (I am not 'palm rubbing' or doing anything near my scalp, just tightening the ends so they look something like dreads! So I don't think - I hope anyway - that I could be causing that kind of damage. I'll have to check cuz I certainly do not want to go bald! So, if you don't mind my asking, how were dreads your therapy? I am genuinely sympathetic and interested! Also, what is T-gel, and did you mix it with your shampoo? And when you used the oils on your scalp, did you do it before you washed or every day, anytime it needed it, or what? I have been spraying water with tea tree oil onto my scalp for the itching, but it hasn't really made it go away. It is also hard to aim for the scalp and not get the hair, and I end up with wet, oily hair! The Q-Tip idea is great. Thank you so much for taking the time to share all the advice!

Britany said:

looseness is good, OCD twisting will lead to balding and permanent damage of the hair follicle. all you need to let go and let time and patients take over, i suffer from actual OCD and BDD and dreads have been my therapy and soon they will change you, takes time and love.

i don't have dandruff advice but if you search through the forums there are a lot of posts with suggestions there.

as far as loose in between hairs & loose ends. leave them be. they will take care of themselves given time. the more you tnr the ends the more hair you are breaking & the longer they will take because any knotting they may have done you are messing with. just let them go & relax.

apart from the dandruff, I have almost all the same things going on. I do re tnr the ends as well... I had let them be for a week or so, but they were almost completely undoing. I found that if I redid them they did lock up. for me personally. I only leave the ACV for like second then wash it out. I found that this way my hair doesn't get too silky. I use tea tree in the BS wash, and lavander in the ACV. I have been lucky not to have dandruff or too much itching. But I have very oily hair... Sometimes I even BS twice if needed. Second one leave on less time and use less water.I am waiting to get my locking shampoo (liquid) and the locking spray... I'll let you know if it seems to help, once I get them! all the best!

I too have been obsessing, but do try to remember to just let them be! I have noticed that the majority of the ones that are loosening at the roots have been re-locking, slowly but surely. But re-tnring the ends hasn't seemed to keep them from locking better or worse. I about a month and 1/2 in.... Also I have found the ones that have beads in them don't seem to loosen up. try putting some beads in them.

Thank you so much for the support and advice. It is nice to hear someone else has re-done their ends and not suffered for it. I will try not to do it so much! They actually do fall out, though! I am really not doing this just to look the same in a year. I also did it so that I would NOT have to mess with my hair all the time! I was sick to death of curling, blowing dry, fluffing, spraying, etc. and still not being happy with the way my hair looked. It is so fine it would fall flat in an hour anyway! I have loved dreads for a few years and finally decided to go for it. I already tried your advice of putting some beads in - I hope that helps. Seems like a good idea. I also need to look up how to wrap dreads, because I've been wanting to do that, too, and it might help, or at least keep me from messing with the wrapped ones, ha ha! If you don't mind, please do let me know how the locking spray works; I was thinking of buying some too. Thanks again for taking the time to listen, understand, and help out!

Vanessa Ashley said:

apart from the dandruff, I have almost all the same things going on. I do re tnr the ends as well... I had let them be for a week or so, but they were almost completely undoing. I found that if I redid them they did lock up. for me personally. I only leave the ACV for like second then wash it out. I found that this way my hair doesn't get too silky. I use tea tree in the BS wash, and lavander in the ACV. I have been lucky not to have dandruff or too much itching. But I have very oily hair... Sometimes I even BS twice if needed. Second one leave on less time and use less water.I am waiting to get my locking shampoo (liquid) and the locking spray... I'll let you know if it seems to help, once I get them! all the best!

I too have been obsessing, but do try to remember to just let them be! I have noticed that the majority of the ones that are loosening at the roots have been re-locking, slowly but surely. But re-tnring the ends hasn't seemed to keep them from locking better or worse. I about a month and 1/2 in.... Also I have found the ones that have beads in them don't seem to loosen up. try putting some beads in them.

Renee Stewart said:

Thank you so much for the support and advice. It is nice to hear someone else has re-done their ends and not suffered for it. I will try not to do it so much! They actually do fall out, though! I am really not doing this just to look the same in a year. I also did it so that I would NOT have to mess with my hair all the time! I was sick to death of curling, blowing dry, fluffing, spraying, etc. and still not being happy with the way my hair looked. It is so fine it would fall flat in an hour anyway! I have loved dreads for a few years and finally decided to go for it. I already tried your advice of putting some beads in - I hope that helps. Seems like a good idea. I also need to look up how to wrap dreads, because I've been wanting to do that, too, and it might help, or at least keep me from messing with the wrapped ones, ha ha! If you don't mind, please do let me know how the locking spray works; I was thinking of buying some too. Thanks again for taking the time to listen, understand, and help out!

Vanessa Ashley said:

apart from the dandruff, I have almost all the same things going on. I do re tnr the ends as well... I had let them be for a week or so, but they were almost completely undoing. I found that if I redid them they did lock up. for me personally. I only leave the ACV for like second then wash it out. I found that this way my hair doesn't get too silky. I use tea tree in the BS wash, and lavander in the ACV. I have been lucky not to have dandruff or too much itching. But I have very oily hair... Sometimes I even BS twice if needed. Second one leave on less time and use less water.I am waiting to get my locking shampoo (liquid) and the locking spray... I'll let you know if it seems to help, once I get them! all the best!

I too have been obsessing, but do try to remember to just let them be! I have noticed that the majority of the ones that are loosening at the roots have been re-locking, slowly but surely. But re-tnring the ends hasn't seemed to keep them from locking better or worse. I about a month and 1/2 in.... Also I have found the ones that have beads in them don't seem to loosen up. try putting some beads in them.

All right, I will try to just leave them alone! I suppose this many people can't be wrong. Thanks for responding, everyone.

Ixchel said:

i don't have dandruff advice but if you search through the forums there are a lot of posts with suggestions there.

as far as loose in between hairs & loose ends. leave them be. they will take care of themselves given time. the more you tnr the ends the more hair you are breaking & the longer they will take because any knotting they may have done you are messing with. just let them go & relax.

do not re tnr the ends u are only resetting progress everytime u do ..just let them loosen they wuill tighten back up 3-4 months is when they should be at thier loosest if u tnr its soon as=fter (if u left them alone all aLONG) THAT THEY REALLY START TO DREAD

damn caps ..

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

No problem Renee! I will let you know. I should be getting them around the 16th. I too made the decision because of the up keep. My hair seems to be super similar to yours. One of my biggest reasons was showering. I lost half the time getting all the hairs that would fall from my head. I was losing so much hair, not to mention a million more products, shampoo, conditioner, etc... It's nice to just BS/ACV... and touch up after the shower. Can't wait for my locks to mature so I can play with some fun up-dos! Best of luck, and I will keep you posted about the spray!

SE - I am trying not to tnr the ends. But the ones I have seem to be locking more at the roots... and the ones that are loosening are not... any ideas? Do you think it might be because of my hair type? I am now stumped on this. LoL

As for the wrapping make sure you do the criscross that way the locks can move around as they need to to lock. I normally use cotton string, but I've heard that wool is better. take a long piece and fold it, make a knot at the top, I normally do it near the root, about an inch down, knot once and then one more. Then just criscross XXXXXXX down to where you want it. then I normally knot it a few times. You can always check youtube. There are some good vids on there for decorating your locks!

Renee Stewart said:

Thank you so much for the support and advice. It is nice to hear someone else has re-done their ends and not suffered for it. I will try not to do it so much! They actually do fall out, though! I am really not doing this just to look the same in a year. I also did it so that I would NOT have to mess with my hair all the time! I was sick to death of curling, blowing dry, fluffing, spraying, etc. and still not being happy with the way my hair looked. It is so fine it would fall flat in an hour anyway! I have loved dreads for a few years and finally decided to go for it. I already tried your advice of putting some beads in - I hope that helps. Seems like a good idea. I also need to look up how to wrap dreads, because I've been wanting to do that, too, and it might help, or at least keep me from messing with the wrapped ones, ha ha! If you don't mind, please do let me know how the locking spray works; I was thinking of buying some too. Thanks again for taking the time to listen, understand, and help out!

Vanessa Ashley said:

apart from the dandruff, I have almost all the same things going on. I do re tnr the ends as well... I had let them be for a week or so, but they were almost completely undoing. I found that if I redid them they did lock up. for me personally. I only leave the ACV for like second then wash it out. I found that this way my hair doesn't get too silky. I use tea tree in the BS wash, and lavander in the ACV. I have been lucky not to have dandruff or too much itching. But I have very oily hair... Sometimes I even BS twice if needed. Second one leave on less time and use less water.I am waiting to get my locking shampoo (liquid) and the locking spray... I'll let you know if it seems to help, once I get them! all the best!

I too have been obsessing, but do try to remember to just let them be! I have noticed that the majority of the ones that are loosening at the roots have been re-locking, slowly but surely. But re-tnring the ends hasn't seemed to keep them from locking better or worse. I about a month and 1/2 in.... Also I have found the ones that have beads in them don't seem to loosen up. try putting some beads in them.