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Any polyamorous dreadies?

Patience
@patience
8 years ago
51 posts

At one point in the past I was living in a menage a trois situation with two men. It seemed to work pretty well for a while but eventually one relationship and then the other came to an end. I don't think I'd try it again - there's far too much potential for hurting someone or being hurt.

JavaLizard
@javalizard
8 years ago
89 posts

Yes in a few cultures it is the norm for a woman to have multiple husbands.

Yes sex is involved, because these are marriage relationships.

In Western Society we have this idea that only savages do certain things and it stuck. Americans can and do practise it but they face jail time, yet other sexual orientation can live together and not be legally persecuted. There is always a favorite, usually wife number tow I'm guessing because she is super awesome?( just a joke)

But when entering into a relationship like that usually the first marriage is established and is consented to add another spouse. Then it goes form there. Wife one usually has a child or two at this point, in most cultures. Lots of things change so it isn't this wife has a child due and this wife is doing this. It is a family so it is our wife had an emergency so our family responds to that emergency, birth, graduation etc..

Sexually speaking usually there are no three somes, as that does add drama and complicates things. Also in the religions that practise it that is wrong. Keep in mind this isn't like having a wife or husband on the side. It is literally having two partners. So sexual times are set, like this week I'm with wife 1 next week wife 2. If more is needed it can be discussed.

And while the TV show isn't the best place to look it does give a more practical view of the polygamist lifestyle, or an ideal. Just like other shows give us the ideal house, or life. By some wrapped sense of reality. In America most people don't make enough for this to work, you would literally have to live in a rural setting or a commune type life. The average cost to raise 1 child from birth to 18 is $165,000, average yearly US debt $45k, then cars, house, internet, mobile phones, water...food, it would suck to have 4 boys from wife 1 then 4 from wife 2... there would never be any food!

In truth if both wives worked since women have potentially... ok I think I'm going off target here sorry for the rambling.

DaThrill Helton
@dathrill-helton
8 years ago
48 posts
What about a real life relationship and a online relationship? Would this count?
Niesje Sigrid
@niesje-sigrid
8 years ago
56 posts

It might for some people. I'm not really sure because I'm just learning about the poly communtiy. However I specifically am trying to learn about committed, serious relationships.

DaThrill Helton said:

What about a real life relationship and a online relationship? Would this count?
Niesje Sigrid
@niesje-sigrid
8 years ago
56 posts

I really think the success of the relationship depends on the love and commitment between the partners. There may be a jealousy issue from time to time. I'm only married to one person and he gets jealous sometimes. But if they really love each other, I think they can work through it. And about choosing who to spend time with, from what I saw on the show I mentioned, they are all a family and do these things together. If you were graduating and your sister was in a car accident, you probably would skip out on the ceremony, right? Same with your sister wife or girlfriend/wife. What I'm talking about is a family, nit a group of people ONLY interested in sex. And there is a relationship where women have multiple husbands, it's called polyandry. I don't see it a lot, but I don't think I know any guys who would be willing to do it. Most guys have too much trust and jealousy problems to handle that well. That's not to say all men are like that, I'm sure there are plenty of them. I watched an interview with a woman and her 2 husbands that was really interesting. The wife and one husband worked and the other husband stayed home with their son. They also said they didn't want to know who the father of the little boy was so that they would both be equal fathers.

Noodle-Doo said:

Are we just talking about sexual relationships here? I think it's posible to have a deep emotional connection with several people at the same time, which you could call being in love with all of them (maybe in completely different ways). But I've never been in a sexual relationship with more than 1 person at a time. Wouldn't conflict come of it, because at some point several of the partners will want or need attention at the same time? What if a man has one partner having a baby, and it's the other's graduation day? What if one has a car crash and is in hospital, when he's meant to be doing something with one of the others? Who does he choose to be with? There will always be a favourite.

It may work in other cultures, but they have very different roles for men and women to the standard in USA and Europe, that have been accepted for many generations. It may have started in relation to maximising the birth rate in a dangerous environment, where many people and children die? Or perhaps rich and powerful people cementing their advantage by having many children? Being raised with a western mindset it would be a hard shift to truly accept a polygamous situation, wouldn't it?

You don't really hear about multiple husbands for each wife, do you? Most people would equate systems like this with oppression of women, seeing it from a western viewpoint.

Not saying I think it's wrong in itself, if everyone if freely accepting of the situation. But surely it will get torn apart by jealousy in the end?

Niesje Sigrid
@niesje-sigrid
8 years ago
56 posts

The people I'm referring to are mormon and were raised with multiple wives. So maybe they're just more equipped to handle it because they were raised that way. But they see each other like sisters. They love each other as much as their husband, but just as sisters.

JavaLizard
@javalizard
8 years ago
89 posts

I think you are still looking through that ingrained looking glass. At this point we are just repeating ourselves. Because this is a group, a decision, different expectations etc. Yes there will always be a favorite, but that would change in time as well.

JavaLizard
@javalizard
8 years ago
89 posts

Yeah Mormons do a decent job, at it in America. Even those who did not grow up in that

JavaLizard
@javalizard
8 years ago
89 posts

Ok this website is not mobile phone compatible. But what you are asking is a hard question rooted in western culture. The people who enter in a marriage like this enter in an agreement knowing boundaries and expectations. If it is set up where the husband has private time with one spouse then he can show favoritism there and not in other areas. These types of marriage are not star crossed lovers, but with souls who understand each other. So chances are the wives are sisters in mentality not rival wives of lovers.

The husband shares a special bond with each with. If I had two wives my favoritism would only be shown privately in our alone time. But the other things come into play as well, like the wives wanting space! Or just not being in the mood, or simply not liking you at that moment. There is also a good chance the the wives become very close and the husband is the outsider.

What makes these arrangements different is everything. One wife can work, they both can. One can say she wants no children the other wants 10 etc., Jealousy is part of love. The husband may be jealous of the close relationship of his wives, or one wife of the other. The difference lies in the root of jealousy. Is it because of love or selfishness. If it is selfishness then the whole union becomes stressed and would be dealt with as a family.

Does that almost answer your question?

Randi2
@randi2
8 years ago
28 posts
I think everyone is confusing polygamy and polyamory as the same thing, which it's not. Polygamy is rooted in Mormon culture and is one man married to several women. It is done so bc they feel a religious calling to it, dating it back to the biblical days of men having multiple wives. Polyamory is when several people, who are not necessarily officiated with a religion, date and perhaps live together as a unit and sometimes family. It can have many different scenarios as far as how many and who all is involved. Many people find it unnatural to be monogomous and feel that love shouldn't be bound to just one person.
 
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