Nappy & Happy (:

Hi my name is Kim, I was on this site last year when I attempted dreads, but shaved them off. I regretted it the moment I did it, so Im back again, and Ive been dreading now for 3 weeks... I started with tnr, and some back combing. but I have decided to grow natural , kind of a new years resolution. I have a few questions... Does a tam help the dreading process go faster. (patience is not one of my good qualities unfortunately) Im also a perfectionist and a bit ocdc especially with my hair... I noticed after I tnr that when i washed my dreads they would become looser, and unravel. I guess my biggest question is how do you keep from fussin with them... Im finding that very difficult! any and all help would be greatly appreciated. Thx <3

updated by @soulsurvivor: 01/13/15 09:16:26PM

Hi Kim! Okay, here is the thing. You don't actually have dreads yet...but you will. Doing T&R or backcombing is just a starter that some people utilize...but, it is not dreads. It is stuck together hair that resembles dreads. That is why it falls apart and loosens. The hair simply can not dread if it doesn't loosen and the strands don't rub against each other. That is how it "knits" together. So many people become anxious and try to "help" their hair along. Your hair doesn't need your help, it knows what to do. I find that dreads are something that kind of calls to people. We feel drawn to them for many reasons...some spiritual, some not, but we have reasons that they appeal. I also find that many of the people they appeal to are very O.C.D and obsessed with control and perfection. But I believe that is the lesson. Dreads can teach us many things about ourselves, we just need to stop asserting our will. You are the very type who needs dreads the most...to free yourself and be yourself...but, you are also the very type who it will be difficult with and drive crazy!!!! LOL...I know....me too! But you have to see that anything we strive so hard to control really is a problem. Instead of struggling, lay back and float....that is the lesson. Ofcoarse, right away...many people say, but I will look ugly and unkept...I will lose my job....blah, blah, blah.....All liesto keep you in a place of unhappiness. Who cares if you have messy hair? Really no one in the end but you. The best gift you can give yourself is dreads...and to get there you have to let go. Much love <3

A tam would keep you from fussing with your hair so much. I "play" with my hair alot but have been trying to lessen maintenance. You're just going to have to be patient dear as I'm sure yOu know there is really no short cut time is your friend. Get you a nice tam to keep your hands away from your head

Panterra Caraway said:

Hi Kim! Okay, here is the thing. You don't actually have dreads yet...but you will. Doing T&R or backcombing is just a starter that some people utilize...but, it is not dreads. It is stuck together hair that resembles dreads. That is why it falls apart and loosens. The hair simply can not dread if it doesn't loosen and the strands don't rub against each other. That is how it "knits" together. So many people become anxious and try to "help" their hair along. Your hair doesn't need your help, it knows what to do. I find that dreads are something that kind of calls to people. We feel drawn to them for many reasons...some spiritual, some not, but we have reasons that they appeal. I also find that many of the people they appeal to are very O.C.D and obsessed with control and perfection. But I believe that is the lesson. Dreads can teach us many things about ourselves, we just need to stop asserting our will. You are the very type who needs dreads the most...to free yourself and be yourself...but, you are also the very type who it will be difficult with and drive crazy!!!! LOL...I know....me too! But you have to see that anything we strive so hard to control really is a problem. Instead of struggling, lay back and float....that is the lesson. Ofcoarse, right away...many people say, but I will look ugly and unkept...I will lose my job....blah, blah, blah.....All liesto keep you in a place of unhappiness. Who cares if you have messy hair? Really no one in the end but you. The best gift you can give yourself is dreads...and to get there you have to let go. Much love <3

Thanks tron.... and thank you Panterra... You hit the nail right on the head, as far as my personality goes... I always have to fix, manage and control EVERYTHING, and I want so hard to just be laid back! I can do this!... is there anything that I should be doing, now that I know what NOT to do?

Well, I will offer this....there are things that you can do to encourage dreading. But, please keep in mind that the point is not to let even the good things become obsessive and chore-like. You want to strive for simplicity and just "being". You can cover your pillow in an old wool sweater, this is very helpful. You can use a spray of either ocean water (if you are close to a water source) or make a sea salt spray. You want to use real sea salt, which you can buy at most markets. There are several recipes for the ratios here. I use ocean water for the specific purpose of dreading so that it is not too strong. Spray your hair with the salt spray as often as you like, just keep in mind that some people find it can irritate their scalp as well. You can wear a tam....I also make those by the way!...wool ones work best, but don't over-do it. Wear it no more than 50% of the time max. Make sure you are washing more,rather than less. Some people neglect shampoooing and become itchy and irritated. You will find you dread the most when shampooing and sleeping. Your hair will go through LOTS of stages...there will be times that you want to shave your head and you feel like this process was a huge mistake. You may and probably will get nasty comments from some people, who try to tell you that you are doing it all wrong and don't wash and your hair won't dread and you look gross....whatever....DON'T LISTEN! These people are simply cousins to the voices in your own head that try to tear you down and defeat you and keep you a prisoner. It is no mistake that you began this journey...you were called to it. Just focus on everything besides your hair. If someone in your life can't wrap their mind around where you are at...maybe they are someone you don't really need. SE talked about dreads being a filter, and they definitely are. You will find that your mind will begin to change, at first subtlely, then in more significant ways. You will soon embrace who you were truly meant to be...not who others want you to be or think that you are. I am now at 18 mos. and there were so many times I almost gave up. I now see the beauty in what happened. I made peace with myself by realizing that is okay to not be in control...it can be scary and exhilarating...like falling off a cliff, but in this case...you soon fly <3

Hi Kim - Panterra's already answered your question superbly. I just want say I understand because I too had to learn to leave my hair alone. It's like any habit.When you catch yourself fiddling with your hair, don't get annoyed with yourself, just stop. With the messy phase, I do my best to embrace it. Laugh about it. If anyone says something like, 'Your hair's a mess,' smile widely and say, 'I know! Great, isn't it?' Guaranteed, that will silence them. Looking forward to seeing your progress. Please keep us posted. Love :D

Thank you Sweetheart hippiegal! (((HUGS)))

hippiegal said:

Hi Kim - Panterra's already answered your question superbly. I just want say I understand because I too had to learn to leave my hair alone. It's like any habit.When you catch yourself fiddling with your hair, don't get annoyed with yourself, just stop. With the messy phase, I do my best to embrace it. Laugh about it. If anyone says something like, 'Your hair's a mess,' smile widely and say, 'I know! Great, isn't it?' Guaranteed, that will silence them. Looking forward to seeing your progress. Please keep us posted. Love :D

its too bad this site doesnt have a like button for comments... thank you both so very much! Panterra I just love the way you covered everything Ive felt or thought! Last year I shaved my head after 5 mo or so of dreading, but I was fussing with it too... bad!, even started with wax before I found this amazing site. Thank God for this site. My brother has had dreads most of his life, and all he would say to me is just let them grow natural, and use Dr. Bronners to wash. I didnt listen to him about the natural part, but something with this New Year has got me thinking about where I am in life and how I view myself, so he called me a poser. I dooo need that self acceptance, and just to ease back and filter out the negative, in all areas of life. From the people I surround myself with to my own thought process. My girlfriend is my main support. I dont know what Id do without her. Again thank you both, and I hope to chat with you more along our journey (:

You are very welcome. I gained so much along the way...from everyone here. I didn't get "wise" or find all the answers in an epiphany. It took time, 18 mos. of learning, listening, trusting, daring, hoping, crying...all of it. I too hope we talk alot more as we walk down this road. Just know that you are not alone <3

Soulsurvivor said:

its too bad this site doesnt have a like button for comments... thank you both so very much! Panterra I just love the way you covered everything Ive felt or thought! Last year I shaved my head after 5 mo or so of dreading, but I was fussing with it too... bad!, even started with wax before I found this amazing site. Thank God for this site. My brother has had dreads most of his life, and all he would say to me is just let them grow natural, and use Dr. Bronners to wash. I didnt listen to him about the natural part, but something with this New Year has got me thinking about where I am in life and how I view myself, so he called me a poser. I dooo need that self acceptance, and just to ease back and filter out the negative, in all areas of life. From the people I surround myself with to my own thought process. My girlfriend is my main support. I dont know what Id do without her. Again thank you both, and I hope to chat with you more along our journey (: