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There was a wall of worry, and i ran headlong into it. There i sit, dazed from the impact, blinking up at the looming height, a cliff of my own making in my mind. A breath, and then i begin my ascent. Patience, i tell myself, is all i need, but my hands scrabble for purchase as fears and insecurities tangle my feet under me.
There's some that are unraveling, and more disconcerting, some that aren't. There are some that cause me doubt, and some that simply seem "wrong" to my eyes.
My frustration with the seemingly insurmountable obstacle of my own uncertainty sends me catapulting to the bottom of the wall, shaken. i need to change my approach. i can't go around, it stretches for miles, closing off the horizon. It's set deep, i can't tunnel under. All avenues exhausted, i finally stop searching for a solution. It's okay, wall, i can wait.
This anxiety and unease will cease if i stop worrying about not worrying. Instead of fighting against my fear, i will recognize it for what it is, and allow it to pass me by.
It crumbles before my eyes.
The state of ambiguity - that messy, greasy, mixed-up, confused, and awful situation you're living through right now - is enlightenment itself.
- Brad Warner