So I have a lot of thoughts about my hair/locks racing the last few days, I'm trying to recollect & organize them & get it all out.

I wish I hadn't dyed my hair. I absolutely love the color I got it to, but my roots are already showing & I don't want to keep up on the dyeing as my dreads continue to grow. I dyed it before I made the choice to dread, & it had been natural for at least 3 years before that, so long & I just finally messed it up, right before I would discover I didn't want to dye it again at all. Had I just waited another week. Now I'm debating what to do about the color since I don't want to keep on dyeing. Let it lock up & then once i have enough natural growth chop off the color? Will it look awful with my light roots & dark dreads? Should I just shave it off now & start from scratch? Will my dreads still be lumpy loopy & loveable if i cut so much off of them after they've formed? Would it be better if I started over now before I become attached to them? (Full of panicked questions aren't I?)

I got my liquid shampoo. It smells beautiful (nag champa, my fav!) A sample chunk of Dragons Blood. & some of the locking gel (since nothing is knotting yet). I waited for wash day, & when it came & I washed my hair was so fluffy & soft. But any definition I had of my sections was gone. I feel like no progress is ever being made. My sections shift & change, but no knots or loops happening. One of the reasons for switching to shampoo over bs/acv was henna fading. Baking soda strips color. I hadn't noticed any changes yet, but I didn't want the color I have to fade because it won't fade back to natural (unfortunately because that would solve a huge load of my issues) it will just fade to bright red. & as much as I love a good redhead, I do not make a good redhead. Well after 1 wash with the shampoo my color was lighter. More red, less brownish. I don't like it but I guess I don't mind. I am frustrated with the whole color situation & debating the razor anyways. I'll just let it keep fading, I won't be messing with the color anymore anyways. The shampoo kept my hair from getting oily next day (I was able to spread out my washes finally!) but it did dry out my head some & my hands a lot. I loved the smells, I wanted to eat my soap

My daughter slept on my wool pillowcase. In one night she had several matted knots in the back of her head. It took me all day to work through the mess. I want her hair. BAD. A month & a half I've been sleeping on that pillowcase, & not brushing my hair or conditioning. No knots. I brush & condition the heck outta her hair & bam! Crazy mess. I'm crazy jealous.

I had someone tell me nice hair, I had to choke on my laugh. I think she was talking about the color...no style or nice cut, no dreading, just an unbrushed flop. She knows me as a blonde normally.

I'm pretty sure there have been other ramblings, but it feels good to get these ones out of my crazy head. I'm not sure what my game plan is from here on out with my locks, I want them badly, but I want my natural hair again. I wish I hadn't screwed it up, & I wish my hair wasn't taking so long to knot up. It makes me hesitant for my original plan of "just grow them out, comb them out, cut off color & let them dread up naturally again", it just seems like it would take me ages.

Truthfully I haven't brushed my hair in several months, maybe even a year...but I heavily used conditioner & if my hair wasn't in a ponytail it was being played with. Twisting strands, running my fingers through it, tucking it behind my ear, constant touching & messing with it. That kept it "brushed" looking enough for me. It's been difficult to stop messing with my hair, I've done it unconsciously for so long. I do feel I've stopped for the most part, every once in a while I catch myself starting to touch it & I have to stop before I run my fingers through it or twist a section. It won't be too long before the habit is gone, but I'm sure once I have true knots with lumps & bumps I'll be running my fingers over the lovely textures. I'll have to keep it to a minimum.

For me dreads were first an idea of beauty &convenience. I've admired them for at least 10 years & the thought of lessmaintenance also appealed to me. Short hair cuts were easy but didn't feel or look right on me (i felt my face looked too round). Longer hair required styling which wouldn't hold or a ponytail which pulled at my head & if worn too often or long would start to ache. I felt my only options were chopped off or ponytail, both of which I didn't enjoy, but both kept my hair out of my way & out of baby fingers. I revisited my old admiration of locks.

I came here, I learned a lot. I read & read, I asked questions & helpful kind people answered. No one had a hidden agenda, they only wanted me to have happy healthy locks & share in their own joy of them. The positive energy here was amazing. I had been in a very down spot in my life & having positive people around me for once really helped me look up again.

I'm continually learning. Not just about dreadlocks forming & caring for them but about myself as well. They are teaching me more patience & calm. I'm able to just let go. I'm usually a mellow person but I can get caught up with things & worked up quite easily, I'm already noticing a change in that...my calm lasts a bit longer...& hopefully as my dreads form & grow so can my calm. I've always been somewhat spiritual but I hope that dreading helps open my eyes, mind & heart more to the spiritual side of things.

There is only one things that worries me about my dreading journey, it's not how they will look or how fast they'll form. It's the reactions. Strangers I don't care about, it's my parents & my in-laws. My mother is extremely closed minded sadly, I know she will have plenty of negative things to say. I dread seeing her next. My conservative father may not say anything but he will have his silence ofdisapproval. No amount of information will help them understand, they refuse to be open-minded. My in-laws will probably voice their opinions based on misconceptions, & I will educate them. They will learn but that doesn't mean they will accept. It's hard when some of those closest to you are your biggest critics. I will try to teach them, I will try to ignore the evil things they will say, I will stay positive because this is something that brings me great joy.

Most of my hair is sectioning, the sections seem quite small & stringy but at the roots they seem to be of decent size so I'll let them do what they will. The sides & front top layers still are silky & smooth as if I've been brushing them all along. I'm not worried, it will all catch up in time. The sections in the very back seem to be starting a bit of knotting, but not enough that I would say I have any dreads yet. Slow progress is still progress.

Reading up on dreading currently. I'm super excited to start. I'm thinking of doing the natural route but I haven't completed my reading up yet so it's still debatable.

Switched to no-poo today & already my hair feels so amazingly soft, why didn't I try this before? (oh yeah because I loved the smell of my conditioner) I don't like the apple cider vinegar smell, so I may be messing with the recipe some, but I'm really enjoying how my hair feels after only 1 day!

I'm planning on going no-poo for a while, putting henna in my hair again to darken it some (it's really really red right now, I want a more brown/red) & then starting the dreading process.

I've always loved the look of dreads, & it makes sense to do it now with kids (won't be able to knot their fingers up in my hair & pull, but they will be able to pull on a dread or two, but I'm assuming it will be less hassle). I've always hated my hair, strawberry blonde wavy & won't hold a style. I resort to cutting it off, dyeing it, & hating it some more. I've only had maybe 3 hair cuts I've ever been satisfied with. I'm hoping I will love my dreads, I think I will.

Just by poking around this site a little bit today I've already learned so much I didn't know dreads & dreading, I can't wait to learn more & put that knowledge to good use!