As suggested to me by several people I have done a lot of looking into Rainbow Gatherings and although couldn't make it this year I will another. It's funny how when your doing the right thing there are blatant "signs" if you will. A friend of mine who had natural (neglect) dreads for 16 years and recently cut them off called me up to come over and catch up at there house/ small farm. I started telling him that since becoming partially (sometimes completely) disabled I have really been able to find myself and learn to love myself and part of that process was talking to Rainbows and becoming a part of an amazing community of people. Who have really renewed my faith in humanity, which had been lost after being homeless for years and living as a drug addict amongst some very lost people after my mother had been sexually assaulted and because my father had no one to be angry choose me. I have completely recovered from all this and am with the most caring loving dreadlocked woman I have ever met (she decided she wanted to let her hair dread and it only took a month to be locked pretty tight). Anyway back to my friend (short story long I know) he started to tell me how their oldest dog Kaya is a Rainbow dog that a good friend had given to them to take care of she got older. They really made me feel more at home than usual once we realized we shared a deeper understanding of each other that we hadn't been aware of and it was one of the warmest feelings I've felt in a while. As I've started to learn to love and know I deserve to be loved by myself as my girlfriend has been away on a cross country bike trip building houses I have realized this world is such a wonderful place. You don't have to spend your time waiting for the next fix or drowning your sorrows there is a lot to rejoice and celebrate right now right here. I no longer feel lost and I was brought to tears when I called my mother, who is an old hippie, and told her of all my realizations and how I finally felt like myself again after all the years of literally dying and being tormented by my own mind. The only thing she said to me as she held back tears of joy was,

"Welcome Home"