I decided that what I've been trying to do in my life is wrong... I need to truly reach out and hope to find someone to love me and Oriana for all that we are... so. If you think you want to know me, or something, please check out my profile on the dating site. Or, shoot me a message on here. You guys are amazing, wonderful beings. <3

I am spreading my insanity to my art, like a plague, but I think this will help me through these hard times. I find it strangely therapeutic, like a requiem playing a haunting, yet nostalgic tune.

I'm feeling very lost and alone right now. I don't know where to turn. I have no family here, and my friends turned their backs to me, because of drama that led them tobelievetheir older friends, known to lie already, over this crustacean dread headed girl.

I don't know where I belong. I can't move. My court went terribly and my ex won. He gets her every second weekend and every thursday night, and I have to get the court's permission to move, otherwise I can have my daughter taken away.

I just want my life back. That which was torn from me. I just want to breathe. I want to fall into the arms of someone who can help me through these times. But there is no one here. My only chance to be embraced by the love I so admire is to find a way to move-- with my dearest Oriana-- out of this place.

I started off using a product called Knotty Boy dread wax, a Canadian brand I was able to pick up at the hemp shop. It cost about 10$, smelled great, so I started using it. I loved the smell, and how tight it made my newbie dreads look. Not realizing how much it stayed in my hair, I used it for over a year. My dreads locked up nicely, so I didn't think anything of the sort. But, due to a relationship I was in at the time, I was coerced in to combing out my dreads, so I could look 'normal'. I was desperate for a job at this point, and so I followed through. While combing out my dreads, I was pulling gunks of this wax out at the same time, which was black and had probably gained consistency from the dandruff particles that mixed in with it. Needless to say, I had a giant ball of hair and wax by the time I had finished.The second time I dreaded my hair, I barely used any wax in the beginning. Then, a few months later I moved and in that time became obsessed with working on my dreads, trying to gain a really great look for them. I used wax again, but not nearly as much. When I finally combed out my dreads almost 2 years later, there was much less wax than before.Now I've dreaded my hair again, about four months later. I had only used wax a couple of times and I regret doing it. I can already feel the difference in my hair. I spent awhile doing a vinegar soak, and have washed vigorously. My dreads feel so soft and are locking up much better than before. It seemed almost like the waxing was more so gluing my hair together, instead of locking it. Sounds a little gross, ne?At any rate, if you wax in moderation, I don't think it's that bad at all. But there are people out there who overwax and end up with a disgusting head of dreads. Unneeded weight, Unneeded gunk. Unsanitary...Why risk that when your locks can be beautiful, natural and clean?I'm never cutting my hair again. <3