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I often get trapped in a loop of thought. An argument with myself about liberty and what it entails. Two broken records bleat on and on, to the point where I get disgusted with myself. What affirms life? The act of protecting it? The act of building peace between those you love and living in the golden, primal structure of family? Does the knowledge of its fragility, the fragility of all those moments affirm life? I try not to contemplate mortality. Instead I look for in life what reinforces life. Yet that is what puts the needle to the seconddesire and fulfillment. Does attainment affirm life? It seems to be the popular idea. Life has no meaning, so fulfill yourself. Why? You lose the moments. You lose the surprises and the illuminations. You lose the wholeness that comes from the chaotic struggle for living and replace it with a slogging through the calculated wants of an untested mind. You live in mental construction, trapped in the neurotic structures of your desires, which are barrier to the living world. You need rawness to feel life. You need to be surprised and changed and broken down and reforged. You need to be able to prove yourself and acheive honor. Honor affirms life by building a person into something that touches more than the individual. Desire is to touch oneself only in fulfillment and attainment. Honor is to touch many, to live in many forms and in many hearts. An honorable deed sparks life in others. So where does this put liberty? What does freedom mean to a person trying to continuously affirm life? What does freedom mean to tight-knit groups of people, constantly reinforcing the lives of one another? How does it limit them? How does it enable them?
I have made peace with my inner struggles. Yet I think that only means that I am here to accept them.
I have adopted the Iron and Blood mantra. First comes the body, to be forged and cleansed, then comes the blood, to be roused by the divine and the mystic will of nature.
peace starts with one person, then another and another and another. Growing natural dreadlocks opens up your soul, makes you a better person, one who embraces everyone else. It is a beginning to a wonderful life that we need to embrace. You will see the good in people, you will see their beauty within. We all struggle in some form, but we we grow patience and love along the way. Your road will go uphill, just hang tight my friend.....peace
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kundalini:_The_Evolutionary_Energy_in_Man
Skip down past the Overview if you're so inclined. The rest is VERY informative about what you're going through, Vandreren.
Some people feel Kundalini rise spontaneously as they move throughout their lives growing and coming into contact with people and ideas. Others have to be prompted by certain things. It sounds as though your musings are taking you here.
Be brave. It is worth it. There is so much to see and feel.