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Tara C


Location: Liverpool
Country: GB


Blogs: 3
images: 71
audio tracks: 43

A Battle With My Self-Esteem

user image 2012-06-12
By: Tara C
Posted in:

Well, dreading my hair has been the best thing I could've done in terms of my confidence as well as my outlook, patience, etc. It's such a cliche, I know, but it's true, it's helped me a lot. All in things I never expected it to make any difference with. That said, there's one thing it can't really help with, and that's feeling self-conscious over my eczema/sores. I have this huge, deep sore on my forehead at the moment, and I went out today and no-one even looked at me twice. It's a huge relief to feel like I can go out and not be seen like a freak, because although things like that usually don't bother me, it's not particularly pleasant.

Anyway, I went to my nan's house to see her after going out and it was petty busy. My uncle and auntie were there, cousins, one cousin's friend, etc. Everyone was fine, but the friend of one of my cousins just stared at me for literally about thirty seconds. She didn't say a word to me at all, just stared at me. That made me feel really self-conscious. It's annoying, honestly, cos that's what kids do. We're all curious creatures, but kids are the ones that openly stare or say insensitive things. She's a couple of years older than me, so I would've thought she'd have had the maturity to not openly stare at someone without saying anything. At the very least, you can ask about it. But to just stare at someone like they're an outcast is just...rude and insensitive. I don't mind people staring regarding the dreads, cos that's my choice, I love them, so why would their opinion bother me? But this is different because it's not something I choose, it's something out of my control and that I aready feel bad about.

Rant over, basically. I'm not a confrontational person whatsoever, so it's nice to just be able to let it all out on here.

Tara C
06/15/12 03:42:04AM @tara-c:

Yeah, I have scars on my hands and arms too...raised ones, unfortunately :\ sorry to hear about the compulsive picking thing though, I hope you find a way out of it, and thanks for your comments, I appreciate it :)

Tara C
06/12/12 11:17:53PM @tara-c:

Nah, it's nothing like that. I don't get any rashes, the sores are actually caused by me scratching because I'm extremely itchy 24/7 to the point of not being able to resist scratching. Even in my sleep. For some reason I can't shake the feeling that it's linked to me Coeliac disease, but who knows? I've opted for a gluten-free diet though so hopefully if I go long enough with it, I'll see improvements.

☮ soaring eagle ॐ
06/12/12 10:54:10PM @soaring-eagle:

omg i wonder if its pemphugus

i went to 3 diferent ers before i got a diagnosis then the last hospitol (university of penn) had the worlds leading authority on pemphugus and the work[lds top researcher

if i hadnt found them when i did i would literaly have no skin now

go to a teaching hospitol where they research and have experts in rare disa=eases

most of the dernantologists i saw never even heard of pemphugus

u really need to get to a dr whos able to really diagnose what it is

Tara C
06/12/12 10:43:36PM @tara-c:

Thanks everyone, your comments have kind of motivated me to just let it go and try not to care. I suppose I'll always care on some level, but I guess it's possible to get to a point where you can shrug it off. Appreciate it, everyone :)

And Valerie, yeah I have seen a dermatologist, but he's starting to think it's not even eczema, so it's basically this mystery illness that no-one can solve at the moment. Been on steroids for three years or so though, so safe to say that won't be helping any time soon lol.

Tied up in knots
06/12/12 02:56:14PM @tied-up-in-knots:

I have sores and such on my face as well. I compulsively pick at any imperfections. Everyone feels like they can make assumptions. I'm a meth addict, I have syphilis, I've never heard of acne medicine...and everyone thinks they should be able to make a comment. Like I didn't look in the mirror this morning!

It's hard when it's something you don't choose. But just remember, while you can't choose the condition of your skin the people looking at you can choose how they act. Being different in any way is a good way to filter out the people who are worth the time.

☮ soaring eagle ॐ
06/12/12 02:37:20PM @soaring-eagle:

i can relate years ago i had an infection in my elbow and the drs hacked it all to peices and really screwed it up ao it looks alien now

one day im cruising down the street and i hear this kid screamming ..ewww look at hos arm look at his arm and starts following me screaming over and over what happened to you whag happened to you..i just ignored it and kept going but then hear hi s brother say shhh shut up or he'll kill you

just dont let it gert to u

06/12/12 02:32:32PM @valrie:

I understand that Tara. Feeling as if people see you as anything less than human can really get under my skin.. eh, no pun intended, truly.

Have you seen a dermatologist for treatment of the eczema? I used to have it really bad when I was a child and it now only comes in patches randomly. I had it really bad on my stomach when I was pregnant and had to get steroids to get it to heal up after a month.

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