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Is a womans sexual appeal/value really in her hair?
Its been long accepted that women with long flowing, soft hair are considered more feminine, attractive and socially desirable. In every country I've been to this is the accepted view. A woman's value in all societies is based on her sexuality/attractiveness. On the whole dreads are not seen as attractive (unless of course your asking someone who has dreads.) So knowing this I decided to dread my hair to dissuade undesirable males who are quick to ask me out without knowing a thing about me. I thought dreading would act as a filter and for the most part its working. Living in L.A. were everyone is an actor or model its easy to feel a little out of place and undesirable, now that my hair has changed my value in this patriarchal society is now made lesser and its apparent. Has anyone else experienced it this way? How do women feel they are perceived with dreads as opposed to before the dreads? Is anyone having different (better or worse) dating experiences?
Beautiful Kato.
before i had dreadlocks whenever i saw them on other people i always thought they were sexy, my husband was the complete opposite and always thought they looked rubbish especially on women. even though i knew he didnt like them i let my hair dread anyway because it just felt more like the real me. since ive had dreadlocks my husband thinks im sexier than ever!so i really think its not the hair but the fact that loads of people with dreads are confident to be themselves and that makes them sexy or appealing.peace and blessings confident dreadies!
Wonderful feedback guys. I'm really on board with you Baba fats.
JavaLizard you said "Patriarchal society is very interesting because within that society women also make up their own rules based off of a perceived idea that a male might have." This isn't women making up their own rules so much as women who are conditioned to believe that they are only valuable and will only be loved if they do XY and Z. We are all conditioned by our experiences and the society that we live in (for better or worse) and it sounds to me that you were able to recognize some of your conditioned beliefs when your girl friend grew her hair out. In my experience women tend to be harsher critics of other women and themselves then men are.
I've been really surprised by how my messy hair, now at 9 months of neglect has had no apparent effect on men chatting me up and giving me admiring looks ... if anything I think it I get more admiring looks... and from men I really would not expect to be interested in women who dress or wear their hair like I do. I think people are attracted by what is wild and "exotic." Or perhaps it's the self confidence I feel since I've started this path that makes me more attractive, even to people I wouldn't have much in common with...
I think a lot of it depends on the guy/girl looking at you. Not the one with the hair. do I think locks look good on everyone. Sure. But if everyone had locks, would they all be attractive? Not at all.
I fully understand that your first impression about someon is how they look. If you deny it, you're lying to yourself. Unless you're blind, you always see a person before you speak to them. It's just the way it works. So what you need to do is not care how you look. If someone judges you for how you look, and won't talk to you, that's a good thing. You just saved yourself some aggrivation.
Personally, I love girls with short hair. Locks or no locks doesn't matter. But short hair is something I find attractive. But that wouldn't stop me from being attracted to a girl with long flowing blonde hair. If she's a nice, down to earth person, I'd like her. but to me, it's more important that she's intelligent. I can't stand talking to people who are one sided.
My wife is a perfect example. When I met her, she had a pixie cut. But she lets it grow out fr 2 years, and then donates her hair. I don't find her progressively less attractive over those 2 year cycles. If you can't be happy just talking to someone, you're wasting both yours and their time.
All that said, dreadlocks are a perfect filter. They quickly show you who does and doesn't like you for who you are
Very interesting, I have always loved girls with nice hair, that compliments them. That doesn't mean length and color per se but groomed and complimenting. I had one girl friend who had short hair and when she grew it out, for me, we decided that my views need to change and her hair was not nice long:)
I also am weird though, I think women who are natural are just a tad bit hotter than girls who shave everything. You could have an average girl unshaven standing next to a "attractive" girl shaven and I think the one unshaven is far more sexually attractive, perhaps that is because she already shows her independence and her inner strength and view of herself, which adds to attractiveness.
Patriarchal society is very interesting because within that society women also make up their own rules based off of a perceived idea that a male might have. Most of my guy friends are all for au natural girls, with the accepting if trimming leg hair, but it is my female friends who find their body hair disgusting and head hair never perfect. Not because men find it attractive or not but because other women think a certain way.
Hey guys!
I'm moving this to the discussions.
I beleive that a persons value should be based on the content of their character and not on the way they look. With regard to the person who messaged me saying "I agree that woman with long, soft hair are more attractive. Long, flow-ey hair seems like something that every girl should have" I have a feeling your view is less authentically your and more a view you were conditioned to believe. Conditioning is very subtle and most people don't realize to what extent they've been conditioned by society and their parents. I think visual appeal for me comes in many forms yet can always be destroyed by a bad attitude.
Here is a comment to this discussion that was sent to me via messaging:
I agree that woman with long, soft hair are more attractive. Long, flow-ey hair seems like something that every girl should have. Guys are "supposed" to have short hair so woman being the opposite gender should also have long hair. I guess it's like a gender defining feature. So when a woman has short hair, even if she looks great, I can't help but think she could look even better with longer hair.
Now on dreads vs un-dreaded, even though I have dreads and am starting to like them more on woman, I still see plenty of girls I think would look better without them. So I'm not dread biased lol.
I used to have permed hair (past my shoulders) 2 years ago. Everyone loved my hair and I got a lot of attention from girls because of it. Now, I've cut that hair off and have freeform dreads. Most of the time I keep them covered but I noticed I get different reactions than what I used to. But, I love my dreads FAR MORE than my previous hair so I don't really care. I'm not a girl but since I had long, straight hair in the past (over 10 yrs), I figured my opinion might count for something. =)
I feel that sexual appeal can come from a number of different areas. I wouldn't find someone who acts like a little bitch attractive. Similarly, I only find people who don't mentally stimulate me attractive for a certain period of time. After that time, the attraction dissipates. Other important areas include but are not exclusive to genuine kindness,creativity, intelligence, physical fitness, etc. Hair doesn't generally come into play with me. Although, I must admit, I might be reluctant to date someone with alopecia. But this depends on how many other boxes they tick and to what degree.