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Starting to hate my hair...
Well, it's 14 months for me today. I love my dreadies, even though they are not really that.
They don't look like that. At all. When I lift a part of my hair up, you can kinda see them, but when my hair is down, as it normally is, it just looks messy. Now, that wouldn't be a problem if I was at, I don't know, 6 months, or even 9. But I'm 14 months in, and for the past 4, nothing has happened.
Literally - nothing. One of them has maybe moved a loop a bit up, and that's it.
I am unemployed, and I really need a job. I realize they cannot discriminate against spirituality/religions, but I'm not even sure there is something like that in Serbia (regarding the law), and even if there is, they would never tell me I did not get the job because of my hair.
After the interview, they just don't call back. And even if I were to ask, the valid reasons they can give me is that I have no working experience in that field. Which is true. But in order to get experience, somebody has to hire me. And to get the job, I have to have experience... And so on. Catch 22.
So, I love them and I hate them.
Aaand, winter is coming, and I can't sit indoor all day drying my hair.
This is my hair last night,
and this is my hair 10 minutes ago, sunlight an all. And it's wet, so it's supposed to be more defined than usual, but... Well, you can see.
If I were to comb them out, which I believe I will do, I will keep a couple of them. The two behind my ears which are the the only mature ones I have (they have been that way for a looong time), I sometimes tie them back to keep the hair out of my face. And maybe a few more special ones.
But I'm afraid I'll regret it. On the other hand, I've been thinking about this for months.
It kinda frightens me that I used to break up with boyfriends and completely cut them out of my life after only a week of doubting the relationship, and I cannot bring myself to comb my hair after months of thinking about it. That sounds rather wrong...
I'm glad u kept some !
Hair looks healthy, too
Thank you all for your support. After thinking about it a lot (previous to posting this), and reconsidering after posting this, I have decided I will, after all, comb them out. I have kept 3 of them: one that is my favorite dread, it was the first one to come to be, and it was 'born' while i was in a train, sleeping on the lap of my dearest friend. You can kinda see the bead on it in the photo.
The other two are behind my ears, and I plan on still using them to tie my hair back and keep it away from my face.
How did I get them out? Well, first I separated them as much as I could with my fingers (kinda the way you would separate a new tn'r), and then combed them. It's amazing how much hair we lose over 14 months! Since most of the hair that fell out stayed in the knots, it all fell out now, and I have a big bag FULL of my hair. o.0
Anyway, it was fun. Dreading, I mean. Combing them out - not so much. It took me 13 hours. But it's fun to have something different. I might get back to dreading someday, too. Until then, this is what I'll have on my head. (And as you can see, not much length 'came back', which tells me I did not really lose any, which again means that dreading process was not going that well at all...)
Lost of love to all of you. <3
They look great to me! And if nothing, else I bet they will be even more fantastic in a year. But there's always this option... comb it out if you want and maybe somewhere down the line you'll feelthe need to grow them again. I'll almost bet on it. hehe.
Hey love
as others have said- you need to do what's right for you. If your dreads are causing more stress and unhappiness in your lifethan anything else,what is the point? Thats not how dreads are supposed to make you feel. Thats like..eating gross ice cream. Its sole purpose is to taste good, so if it doesn't- why would you eat it? I agree with Ixchel and Baba, I think your hair looks great. But again, it's not about what other people think/want.
In terms of suggestions to help it lock up- wraps help mine a lot.The ocean/sea salt works as well, so I've been told. Backcombing then wrapping and leaving the wraps in for a few weeks really locked my first ones up.
Do what you need and what makes you happy. As has been said- the support will be here no matter what...as long as you inform us about how brushing it out goes if thats what you choose to do
i think what you do have looks rather lovely. i understand it can be difficult to find work sometimes at all, & dreads can make that harder (although they shouldn't). if you find it's what's right for you, do what you have to, but make sure you think hard on it & follow your heart in the matter. (& share the comb out process if you do!)
if you keep them- have you tried sea salt rinses/sprays/adding it to wash? maybe mix up your wash routine a bit :try a dread shampoo if you normally use bs/acv (or the other way round), or tweak the bs/acv a bit (or skip acv once to see if that helps nudge ya)? try sleeping on a wool pillowcase for maybe a week & see if that helps or not?
If you have been feeling badly about your hair or any other aspect of appearance or ability, that can come through in an interview. The interviewer will not generally be able to pinpoint what it is, but they may see you as unsure or something... What would it take for you to love your hair again? Sometimes just a shift in perspective is all you need.
Our main problem with EU is Kosovo. That's a looong story, but we are supposed to approve Kosovo's independence or something. But most of the people here consider it the holy land of Serbs, so they are not ready to give it up. I don't really understand why, but... It's not up to me, anyways.
But we have a lot of problems in general, including religious persecution (it's not persecution in the real sense, but Muslims are hated here, primarily because of the Kosovo problem and the Albanians there...
Anyway. I'm still thinking about it. I do pull my hair back in a bun for interviews, but I have loops near the roots, and it looks weird. :D
I did tn'r a couple, and they did exactly the same as others. It did not help at all.
And some of my dreads even hurt my head, since they have tightened too close to the roots, and when I move them, it feels the way it would feel back in the day when I had my hair in a tight ponytail for too long.
And I separated them the wrong way for too long )until I saw your video, Baba), so they are partially damaged from that too.
I think I will comb them out, and then maybe restart them later, if I regret it. But in that case, I will take special care when separating, and try not to let them dread too close to the scalp. If that is even possible? I don't know...
Serbia is not in the EU, so I guess there are a few reasons for that. One may be some social reasons. I wouldn't be surprised if you couldn't fight for religious reasons. Even though Serbia has a history of religious/ethnic persecution that was fought over.
They look great though. Far better than mine did at that age. If you really feel like you should comb them out, that's up to you. But I think that you should stick it out a little longer. The second pic obviously looks like you have pretty mature locks. Even in the first pic you can see that your roots are very defined.
We'll support any decision you make. But remember, that everyone's hair takes it's own time.
It's true that your hair is not fully dreaded, but I think it looks really cool. It's certainly not as messy as mine was at 14 months, mine was a nightmare! Do you tie your hair back when you go for a job interview?
It is easy to get discouraged at this stage of dreading, especially when you don't see much progress, but you're definitely not alone in thinking this. Mine are 28 months old and I still have my doubts about them. What irritates me most is waiting for them to dry, I'm in Ireland where it's not so warm, I can only imagine how long they would take to dry in Serbia!!
You could always try and and t&r or backcomb a couple? I think your hair looks great as it is now and it would be awesome to see it totally dreaded =)