By Kundalini Rise, 2010-04-16
I am one?The day was relaxed, apparently uneventful, although I realize it was the particularlyintellectually expanse beginning of the awakening. It was basically the decision that I woulddirect my time and energy towards understanding the universe around me, as well as the onewithin everyone. I had a natural inclination towards the unification of theories, acceptedand taboo, rather than taking safety in one side or the other.This, I believe, was part of the welcoming of the experience.I was dropped off sometime around dark, possibly a few hours after, around 10-11-12 during the summer.As I was walking to my bed, from the door of my room (why not while I was walking up thestairs?), a tingling hit me half way across my room. It felt like the regular (regularlyunusual) shiver or spasm you get when you're getting comfortable, your muscles are veryrelaxed or you are stretching. Well, I made it to the bed, and collapsed face down. What Ithought was a shiver or tingle, expanded into a intensely vibrating kind of light energy inmy lower body around the beginning of my spine. I say light because when I closed my eyes, Ifelt I could literally see a circular ball of energy as if I was looking backwards into myown body, through the circuitry of the optic nerves, possibly the visual cortex and directlyperceiving sight of this energy that I most certainly felt through my body, physically.It's almost as if this light energy wasn't so much being seen, as much as it was literallyshining through me, from the inside out.At this point, I'm lying face down (probably should've assumed lotus) out of sheer shock,and I am beginning of seek understanding of what was happening. I know it's not a shiver, ifat least, an unruly out of control shiver. I know it's not something I've experiencedbefore, and lies within that realm of beyond the mundane, even though it's entirely normaland recorded in other societies (Eastern). Without the teaching of what to do in thissituation, I had no preparation other than a slight understanding of the abilities andpotentials of the energy of human consciousness.The energy made itself known because as I began probing my mind and my perceptions for cluesas to what was happening, a kind of awareness "opened it's eyes" within the moment of theexperience. I had the feeling I was experiencing something, that was coming from "someone",even if it was me, it was a whole 'nother part of me, complete with the ability tounderstand what I thought and a message to give.This was the "probing" part, after it "ignited" and made itself known, by default, it beganto "explain" itself. There wasn't much in the explanation as far as human terms (compartmentalizedobjectified linguistic structure), but simply a beckoning and a wondrous expansion of creativity andpositivity with a glimpse of a great unknown with the potential to be anything. It was aware, I couldfeel that, it literally responded to what I felt, based upon the energy I allowed to float around my head/thoughts. There was positivity, as it reacted with my fear almost as a parent to a child in learning how to swim, with love and compassion. Although there was the unknown, why and WHAT was actually happening. Then came the next dimension. To learn more, I realized I had to change the way I thought. To change the way I thought I had to continue with the experience. This energy was pretty much asking me if I wanted to continue. In a most sincere, loving, and caring way, it wanted to know if I was ready for the next stage.THE NEXT STAGE?! I had just realized I was dipping my toe into the largest, most active andpopulated body of consciousness I had ever seen. This energy was not only the most powerfulforce of awareness I had come in contact with (no fear, ultimate wholeness, almost ancient and eternal, great compassion, deep "KNOWING"/wisdom) it was aware of my awareness of it, and asking for my own permission to continue in the process. That is....more than I was prepared for when I woke up that day...or any other day.While this tingling, which erupted into a full on consciously loving, glowing, light energysitting in the base of my spine, began to almost sway back and forth as if going"one...two......" and building up for something. I was interchanging thoughts and decisionson a very deep level between my self/subconscious and this kind of all knowing consciousforce that was making it's self known in a very powerful way.This was sort of like the death process, death of ego maybe. I was making sure to say goodbye, to tie up loose ends in my brain, just in case I was literally dying. That is the onlysentence which will come to close to fully explaining the depth of this experience.It was so powerful. So intense, so mentally revealing, emotionally fulfilling and unraveling, and intellectually stimulating that I had actually confused the experience for the moment of my physical death. I wasn't sure, so as the process continued the natural occurrences took place. I became aware that I had to get rid of fear (almost due to the beckoning of this force, which was at the same time ensuring me that this was "important", "powerful", and basically not a toy) if I wanted to make the most of the experience and my life.So I took my ego aside and whispered, "This may be it." Of course that bounced off as sheerwonder and awe, creativity and compassion took hold. I didn't care if I died, I was in thelight, and there was something taking me into death. I wasn't dying alone, and my body felt like pure energy, floating in the air, totally free. Very abnormal for a normally physical and solid human being.This was the release, this was the what the beckoning force wanted, this was the process,the permission the "Ok, commence stage 2."The perception of "I may die.", "What is happening?", and thoughts like, "This is it." kindof slipped out of view after that. There was no time, it was happening forever and too fast.The energy exploded into a kind of roller coaster effect, a kind of magnetic resonance thatbecame "en motion", it became not only ignited, but full throttled. It began making it's wayin a swaying, resonating, vibrating manner, up my spine, and to the limit of what you wouldcall my perceptual ability.It was breaking the limits of my perceptual ability because this energy was not simple heat,not simply the feeling of another person around, it literally felt as if the hottest,lightest, brightest, most emotional, most aware/familiar, magnetic energy was dancing it'sway up my spine. It was galactic, it was every energy we are aware of on earth, and something more.This is not something you feel everyday, so as it continues, you soon find yourself in realmsof experience which push the limits of "You". It changes you, all within a few seconds tominutes, which are perceivable eternities into themselves.So the fear was removed, naturally by default. Creativity flooded in, compassion, awe, andlight. I could literally close my eyes, and witness this kind of bulbous glowing ball oflight in the back of my mind as if I was looking directly down my spine.Stage 2.I had relaxed, I knew this spiritual force was aware of me and in a way just another aspect of my own awareness. I knew this was a gift.This created a kind of yearning, an acceptance, and an act of "letting go" into the experience. I really couldn't do much else, other than roll around and possibly get up and run out of the house in hopes of throwing my own energy off and avoiding what was happening.This didn't seem very productive.Ok, let's move on...the glowing, thinking, loving ball of light that bounced into the baseof my body and beginning of my spine, grew from a tingling, into a ready to launch force ofa thousand suns. I gave the Ok signal, simply because it was either that, or choose to actunnaturally and run around or something else which I really couldn't imagine doing at the time.Note: I am still lying on the bed, motor skills are there but not very helpful as I am literally being impaled by cosmic consciousness, thoughts are accelerated/hyped, and then thinned/refined into the most important/serious and sincere state of mind one get's in during types of experiences such as these.Thus begins the rising of the Kundalini. It isn't as simple as it sounds.How does Kundalini "rise" anyway? Does one "Rise" it? Does "it" "rise"?Chances are, all of the above. It felt as if the whole action was based upon a magnetic polarity that was defined within my mind and was accelerated/increased (amplified) the more I began to "let go" and allow the experience to envelop "me".The recurrence of fear, "Oh no!", "I'm dying!", "I need to take a shower before I die!!!", etc etc, simply paused this energy and created another, "Ready?" feeling. Along with this, the feeling that this was not going to last forever, and the more I waited, the harder it would be to complete the experience in balanced manner would be. So basically pressure was rising and needed to be channeled/expressed/released, and the more I stumbled the faster I needed to run to catch up and gain control.All these random thoughts seemed to be the last hurdles of a consciousness preparing to leave the body, as if they were the walls of perception's last stand at keeping you, where society has trained you to think you are. Here. And now. In the body, in the brain, and separate from everything else. These perceptions seemed to be phantoms, ghosts of people, aspects of people, or aspects of my own personality and a life that seemed very far away at this point.. They seemed to be the last strings of a spider web that was holding me back from realizing my infinite nature.They broke.The energy was magnetic. It was not rising due to it's inclination to adhere to heights, it was being pulled as much as it was being pushed, in the same way gravity is not a pulling, so much as it is a local alteration of the fabric of the space/time based upon a factor of a measurable limit (matter/density).So I realized the very perception of this magnetism was a portal into a much larger view of the universe, that there were two universal forces in me, really one, split into two forms of expression. The energy seeking to expand, love, transcend, create, push, rise, and connect with every other aspects (of itself) all at once.And the potentially (non)universal force of my own identity struggling to understand what was happening, and keeping the magnetism at a distance, pushing the force down in the opposite direction, and struggling to avoid total annihilation (which is impossible, as You/I/We [I AN I] are eternal energy).The funny thing is, as soon as the fear slips out for good, that pushing, restricting, separating force, simply floats/blows up/unifies into a combination of that universal force, along with what was a secondary universal, but local force.What this means, perceptually, is that as soon as you start to accept this experience, the swaying back and forth motion of the conscious energy stops seeking to ask permission while waiting patiently with the power of the suns, and literally ignites into a full fledged BLAST into your brain stem through your spine.The middle point of this series of rising waves, is literally the convergence point of a wave function.Like the crashing of a wave, the breaking of the sound barrier, the reaching of light speed, all rules, functions, perceptions, variables and parts of this experience combined into one full extension and there was no possible way to stop it once it surpassed this point.This was as soon as it passed the middle point or above, of my spine.During the earlier "beckoning" (maybe introducing?, better word?) I had the feeling I could stop this experience by simply giving into fear. I couldn't stop it "Just because." There was no just because, there was only meaning and an expression of what was deep within me, if I stopped it, it would've been because I wasn't ready to go. If I continued, it was because I was either stupid and crazy (in not knowing what I was getting myself into) or because I meant to accept this (natural) task of moving beyond.As soon as you feel it, you can detect the magnetic presence, at a moment, it could shoot light years away never to be seen again, it could release it's energy throughout the entirety of the body blowing it to bits. The only thing it seemed it couldn't do, was simply sit there and loaf. It had a message, a window of opportunity, and power. So it was in motion and it was up to me to conduct.This magnetism seemed to be connected through my spine, as if the spine is one long polarity, connected to the polarity (mind/duality) aspects of human consciousness within the brain, possibly to do with the very nature of the chemical-electro circuity of the central nervous system.The near middle of it all (both the spine, and experience) seemed to be a switching point, from one polarity system, to the transcended aspect of that system. Instead of going from here to there, it seemed to transform into a more complex energy signature and experience at the halfway point. One that defies the limits of the previous polarity system.Instead of being seemingly magnetically anchored to my spine, it switched, and was not being PUSH/PULLED TOWARDS my brain. The poles jumped, and now I was fighting with all my might to hold this energy inline so as to not spill my brains into the next dimension. I'm not sure what would've happened at that point, whether physical death, vegetation, or simply the lacking of the fulfillment of the experience.It was at first beckoning, and asking permission, and now it was simply winking with a "you asked for it(in good humor)" or a "ready, here it comes" perception. That was the middle point, from something that might possibly be in your control if absolutely necessary, to being completely and entirely in the hands of God with no mortal in view.The transformation began, and continued ascent as soon as it hit this middle to middle high part of my spine. Maybe even the real beginning of the spine, as it exists in the first part of the outward arch.THIS, was the beginning. The first part of this experience was the puppet show, this was the curtain lighting on fire and the puppets turning into interactive, self-aware holograms sending out messages of higher dimensional light and love/unity and limitless perception and imaginative ability. Far out? It was simply non-local at the time, out of left field, from above, from within. Whatever it was, it was streaming in through all my perceptual channels.There was nothing that would've prepared me for the perceptions which followed, nothing more extreme and nothing more serene.It shot, up my spine, hit the midway point, and seemingly rotated and released with more energy than I thought I could experience; it's path was my brain stem. The energy rose in a beckoning motion about 2-3 times after it flipped the switch (which was due to my acceptance of what was happening). This beckoning motion was no longer, "It's on you to accept, be careful, this is powerful", but more like "Here it comes, after this next "wave" there's no stopping it, so get ready", and it was no longer in my hands.I suppose it really never was, that the perception of "Control" is just another illusion, although the acceptance of peace, is power and truly only decided upon by You.The energy peaked after hitting the midway, and transformed into a kind of trailing ball of fire that tickled my brain stem.The brain stem was the goal, the brain stem was home plate, it was the height of the experience. It was the doorway into really changing my world and connecting with the "me" aspect of my consciousness (as our bodies are "we", just the same as our ideas of ourselves held within the mind). I knew this, because I could only guess what would happen at the next transformation point, if the midway point kicked it up into such a high gear.It tickled maybe once or twice, like I said previously, with the involuntarily "warning" beckoning" to get focused and prepare as much as I can allow (by allowing), and then it happened.It made it home, to my brain stem, to my brain.There was no longer a kind of singular force, it was in the background now, watching, as if it was simply the carrier of the next phase. The magnetism was there, but at the same time balanced into the infinite expanded center.What I felt had happened, to my imaginative perceptions, was that the energy notified, became present, grounded, blasted off, reached the first slingshot/pole switch checkpoint, and launched on a one way ticket into my brain.As it reached the brain stem, it rotated once more, in a way I couldn't imagine without experiencing it, and turned into something strange. It was no longer a dual and then singular force, a spiraling energy moving up the channel of my spinal cord. It erupted. It exploded. Into infinity.It literally turned into a fireworks of light, sound, synesthesia, perception, color, motion, imagery, peace, relief, and eternity.What I literally saw was that ball of light grow and slingshot, and then turn into fireworks as it moved from the bottom of my spine, to the middle, into the back of my head, and then literally the cerebral cortex. Fireworks were going off, heat, light, sound, color. I was experiencing ashow in my mind, starting as the transfer point/explosion point in my brain stem, and movinginto a perceptual landscape in cerebrum and cerebral cortex, the front, imaging part of the brain.There was no religious aspect to it. There was no direction other than my own. It was holier than any form of religion I had seen, even the fully involved and energetic experiences. It was more powerful than merely observing chemical interactions from a distance or close. It was literally changing the way I perceived existence, based upon energy and consciousness interacting with my own, in a way that I was not aware of beforehand.There was simply the most powerful force I had ever experienced which started as a magnetic, conscious energy, and turned into literally the substance of creativity and light itself.I felt as if my brain space, the place you think, had literally been expanded into the cosmos with points of light expanding in all directions dancing around themselves carving paths into an infinite universe. As I record this now, I realize this is the creation of a universe, the birth of a world, and the expression of the soul and all it knows.I saw universes, galaxies, and stars as expanding points of light and fireflying fireworking networks of big bangs.Universally vast spaces were at mental finger tip distance. There was no fear, fear was not in my perceptual ability, not even the ability to laugh at those unnatural fears, as that too was limiting.I could only look forward. To what was ahead. What I thought, in between moments of this extreme perturbation of my mind, was, an apple.I literally wanted to test out whether my brain was still functioning, and I had envisioned an apple. I saw it floating before me, in all it's natural glory. A three-dimensional, shining red, growing, living apple.It was somewhere around this conscious violation of the flow of things, that the experience quickly came to an end.All the universes of before and after, all the consciousness of heat light and love, all the magnetism and energy simply peaked into an arch in or around my head and dispersed into the universe.I was left feeling jelly-like, relaxed, in awe, laughable, cryable, but able to do neither but look into my own eyes, through my own mental reflect-ability and wonder, "What?"It was a wonderful way to initiate the toughest parts of the waking up process.I knew what had happened, just not right there, and just not in the terms that I would soon learn to express what had happened.It was a kundalini awakening. No, it was my life. It was something that my outlandish thoughts, my ability to feel compassion where there was no necessity visible, and my intellectual probing of my own creative nature, had welcomed and built up for my entire life.It left me feeling like I literally couldn't believe the life I was reflecting, like I had glimpsed into the real universe. I couldn't unsee it, and I could only lovingly accept how I feared death and wondered if I would die before the experience had ran through. I saw myself in a new way, and felt different.I saw how the higher light literally dissipated fear, but only when I accepted it. I saw how this energy was magnetic, how the body and spine and brain and entire system was actually polarized in various "directions" to ensure survival. That to complete the system of physical expression and literally vibrate into an ascension one has to consciously "let go" of the polarity aspects (fear, limitation) and allow the collective organization of the organs and energy centers create a kind of "resonation" within the body and spirit that literally attunes one to the energies beyond this dimension or what you perceive as directly visible.I cannot tell which comes first! Faith or intellect, but both are required in this life.