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Location: Kensington, MD
Zipcode: 20895
Country: US


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vague and personal, probably some misspelled words, run on sentences and bad grammer, i don't give a crap- just need to get something off my chest. you don't need to feel obilgated to read it.

user image 2011-05-18
By: kdjordan
Posted in:

You know those moments when you are so sick of being alone, and you reach out to connect, no matter how small the gesture, and even if someone takes hold, it doesn't help because they are not the one person who could hold your damaged but still beating wounded heart. I am having such a hard time handling all of this on my own, I've been told not to go through this alone- go seek professional help to guide you through this- but I don't want to waste the time going through the back log, explaining anything. I just feel how I feel and am having a very hard time handling this while I am down here. I just want to be up close to them. I am stronger up there, have a bigger safety net, am loved. But here I am, battling financial 'need', over quality time and life. I need to stay here and remain an employee, girlfriend to my unsympathetic, "just hurry and get on with your grief so you can get back to making as much money as possible" girlfriend, contributing member of this family, and parent of my son the year old dog we got "together". Nights are the worst, trying to fall asleep with myself, it really hard to share a bed, let alone a head with someone you hate. I hate the part of me that is making me stay here, rationalizing my excuses(you have a dog, and no car, and a committed job here). But the part of me that wants to go be with Harold and Kaye in this time, is muffled over too much traffic and society demanding more and more money. It's soothed more coarsely than I may really be able to handle by my girlfriend, "well life goes on and money will never stop being a part of life, no matter how sick of it you are, oh and by the way I've stopped taking my depression meds again and really feel that you need to get through this alone because in the end that is all we ever have, ourselves". When I do sleep I have dreams that puts salt in wounds, but finds me in safe arms, loved and cherished if only for the moment. I don't know how much more I can take.


Darcie Rae
05/25/11 04:26:25PM @darcie-rae:
read the book Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle...Seriously! amazon has it for prob less than 10 bux...u are identifying too much w money and things u "need"..acknowledge those things thank God u have them and LIVE...abundance is having what u need when u need it..not money in a bank account...checkout eckhart tolle on youtube it's free!

Valentin the Jellyfish
05/20/11 11:46:15PM @valentin-the-jellyfish:
i agree with Punk4peace try meditating but i have found that something that can help you escape from the "real" world, in a natural way not through drugs, can be the same as meditating. i have found this escape for myself, it is music. if i am having a horrible day girlfriend is pissing me off i just turn on my ipod listen to like zeppelin, hendrix, floyd, or marley i find myself basically high and in a way better mood. my earphones broke about two weeks ago so i wasnt able to listen to music. during a test i could not do anything, i couldnt think and i couldnt write. my heart was racing and i was completely stressed out but once i found old earphones that worked my heart calmed and my mind was clear. just finding a simple escape for a couple mins a day can help a lot

05/19/11 10:10:35AM @kdjordan:
Thank you both for your encouraging words, I've never succeed at meditating but am more than willing to try again and again. I appreciate this site for connecting beautiful souls. I am thankful for the kind words extended, distance and time bridged to express peace and love and happiness to others we've never met met are so deeply connected.

Brandy :]
05/18/11 11:06:49PM @brandy:
you should nicely ask your girlfriend to try being less negative and close minded, you are NEVER alone. money will DEFF not always be a part of our lives. and i agree with Punk4peace, meditation relieves the mind of any stress, worry or bother you could ever have :) you will get through your troubles, keep positive, it may seem hard but do this and good things will come to you.

05/18/11 07:18:43PM @punk4peace:
as much as u might not feel it to be true, no one is ever all will always be with us even if only from a distant friend or fellow child of the earth that you have yet to meet...wish you well dready brotha...try meditating when your feeling like all you have in the world is yourself, embrace your aloneness as a friend so as not to fight it like an enemy...namaste.

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