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Location: Phoenix, AZ
Zipcode: 85024
Country: US
Zipcode: 85024
Country: US
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A eye opening opportunity with limitless possiblitlies... my journey to finding me
What a yucky day... prepare your self this is going to get very personal... my relationship is teetering on the edge of who knows what... I love my boyfriend but I feel he and I are too different to really live a happy life together. I am or at least I try to be a pretty positive person. He is very opposite. He has a negative look on so much in life. I feel like I am constantly trying to get him to think positive and it's pulling me down. I have seriously considered ending our relationship. But this isn't the whole story. I think he may be bipolar. We are pretty sure is mother is and it is a hereditary thing. He doesn't even know he is being a jerk when he's doing it. He can be a total sweetheart, he constantly tells me I am beautiful and sexy and that he loves me. He will stop what he is doing just to come over and kiss me. He holds me as we fall asleep at night and as soon as we wake up in the morning he gives me a kiss and says good morning beautiful.I have some pretty bad self esteem issues since I put on the 70 lbs I had lost plus close to 20 more. I am 5'10" and no joke big boned. I am now at 320lbs and totally out of shape. I have no shut off switch and will eat like it is my job. I have a goal to change my life style for the better and healthier but my motivation is circling the drain even though I have a goal to get this going by September next year. My cousin is getting married and asked me to be in the wedding. I want to make it to next year and hopefully be well on my way to a full 180 lifestyle change.I am depressed because I have to work so much and still can't even afford to finish school or do any theatre, which is where I am truly happy. I am miserable in Arizona but it is currently where I HAVE to be. I hate that I am tied down by money and am beginning to very much dislike the "material" person I have become.I don't create any of my art anymore because I have ZERO inspiration and no space to create anything in anyway.I am trying to listen to myself more and my surroundings. I try to spend at least 10 minutes outdoors just listening. I spend far too much of my day indoors and alone. I have started to listen to any encounter that I have and see that it was meant to happen for a reason. The greatest example of this is my new journey with dreadlocks. I really think I am meant to have them. For one I am always attracted to them! There is a young man at the Blockbuster I frequent and I met him when I was working on my first set (waxies). He always encouraged me to help them along and loves his. I was there last week and he was sad but understood since he too had had waxed dreads. He said if I get the chance I should go for them again. Then this site and soaringeagle came along! *meant to be* I joined and as SE put it "decided to move in and am staying put" I learned so much and really felt that it was time again to embark on a journey few understand. This simple spark to "just do it" and my new "ear". I am beginning to find out more about myself than I thought I was capable of.It breaks my heart that me finding myself could eventually lead to an ended relationship but I have to do whatever it is that makes me happy and really listen to my heart and soul so that I can live the best life I can with the time I am given on this earth.A friend of mine went through something like this recently and her ending her relationship actually opened both her and her boyfriends eyes and they are both completely different people and have a beautiful new relationship. If what I have does end perhaps the same thing will happen. If my man can open his mind and heart to positive change and true happiness than awesome. If not then it isn't "meant to be"I cannot dwell on the past... only learn from it.If you read this feel free to leave any words you feel. I am open to anything.Thank you for reading...LoveJoyPeace&Patience this is my new mantraIzzy
I'll only offer a couple of quotes from my Favorite book by my Favorite author (of fiction)"Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do si to sign on as it's accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My Love for you has no strings attached. I Love you for free.""The word that allows yes, the word that makes no possible.The word that puts the free in freedom and takes the obligation out of Love.The word that throws a window open after the final door is closed.The word upon which all adventure, all exhileration, all meaning, all honor depends.The word that fires evolution's motor of mud.The word that the cacoon whispers to the caterpillar.The word that molecules recite before bonding,The word that seperates that which is dead from that which is living.The word no mirror can turn around.In the beginning was the word and the word wasCHOICE."Tom Robbins- Still Life with Woodpecker.All that being said, perhaps it's time to make the choice to figure out YOU!! To mae you Love you, don't wait, you are the most important person you have. Take care of you first and everything else will fall right into the place it's supposed to!! You're still young Love, now is the time to be a little selfish, live for you and you'll find that as soon as you feel good about yourself, everybody will feel good about you too!! Then the "Negative Nancies" will feel brighter because your there, or they'll avoid you because you shine too brightly, but burn for your self. Love who you are, I do!!!Eternal Sunshine!!
"Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it, even at the risk of separation or loss."who said that cause it sure sounds like something id say but its spelled too good to be me
"Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it, even at the risk of separation or loss."i've had to learn this the hard way and honestly i'm glad. it wasn't meant to be.. but just keep doing what you feel is right and maybe you can figure things out a little easier than i did.
not real sure if i understand you right sista, english is not my first languagethinking of finding the right words as i have plenty smilegoing to be happy, should be - happyi follow the good things, try to look up to all the positive things, not wasting the energie in bad vibes, of what you do not like, but bring all the energie in the things you believeyou are strong as you stood up, and have dreads now, this wil also strengthen up you on your wayooo very nice djembe, and yes love to hear the drums ))
http://www.archive.org/download/2002_Rainbow_Michigan/2002_Rainbow_Michigan-Drums_Drums_Drums.mp3
I really like this thank you. Only question is what is a djembee? I am taking things one step at a time now. going to start by being happy with myself first then watch as others follow. I will observe others rather than get irritated by them. Stop judging others and reteach myself to learn from them and see what I don't like in them is just something I have repressed in my own self.
with reading, i think you are a very sensitive person, who feels in the heart the way you have to trod, but the world surround, guess much try to keep you downdo not know why you have to work such much, in a place you do not want to be, butwith wanting everything at one time, its such much (you think) that you do nothing and keep on this way, what makes you more and more unhappiertry to do in small piecesstart to celebrate the moment to the maximum, looking up at the sun, and hear the birds, such great beauty nature is, makes you humble and realize that we are all part of the big planmake from a meal a big thing, cook in a good way, and do with much joy, put a candle on table, and try to drink much water, it helps to clean, try to avoid the tv, which is a medium to keep you down,me personally helps always goood sound, it make me jump for joy all di time,when my king was down, he started to work his emotion out on a djembee, smilemany ways, just listen to your heart, it wil tell youas soon as you are started you will get plenty ideas again, and back you are creative and with a smile, as it gives much satisfactionsmile and love to you, and yes also there for you, just stretch out
You do have support behind you sister, and if there's anything I can do or if you just need someone to talk too, I'll be here for you too, Much Love to You and Yours.
ok hmm positives and negatives create a cuircuite i dont know what thats suposed to mean i just woke yup and havent had coffeee yetbut..ok enerrgy flows along a pathwhen you complete a cuircuite enerrgy flowss from 1 into the otherso ofcourse hes sweet and loving while feeeding off your energyand look what happenes to you, your drained you constantly try to replennish what you lost with constant refuelling and your health sufferscontinueing with the anologu when yiouy have a battery that you are constantkly draining and recharguingf 1 of 2 things happen evbentualy..it refuses to take a charge and dies, or..explodeswhats all this mean?well he can either start switching poles becomming an energy giver too a possitive prerson or hell suck you dry till you leave in self deffence.now on to other issues.we have a reltationship support group its set to invitre only and private to protect the members from possible prying eyesif you cant see the group let me know ill invite u..not much there now but that can change with your 1st post.weight..dont wait on the weight..now is the time not next yearit can take a year to reverse what you have done..eating and depression are very closely linked/..so change your life whiler changing your habbitsheres a suggestion i read somewhere..slow downset a clock in front of you while you eatday 1 count the seconds between bites..stop eatting at 20 minutesday 2 double the time betwween bites..stop at 20 minutesday 3 tripple the time between bites..etcget to about 30 seconds between bitesyou will find you still get satisfied at 20 minutes eatting time with far less food eattenthen..when you go outrside..go and go..walk..far..farther each daywhen 5 miles no longer tires you..go seek outr steep hills to climb long stairwaysthen when you feel strong enough..start to jogyou see katy in the members? shes a good friend who was about your size too last year..moving away from her family changed everything and she lost a ton of weight (she looks great now..i was blown away by the difference)talk to her get tips and support.now happineess and nappyness dreading often gives u a more possitive attitude as well as makes u happierbut theres more we can do..supporting eachother is important when u feel you got support behind you it doesnt seem so hard to climb that hill outr of depression..so you should know u have alotta ppl behind you urging yiu to go on..im gonna send u something