Location: Phoenix, AZ
Rambling and sadness
Well I asked my roomie to come home at some point today so I could talk to her about something... it's been two hours since she said she would be home a little later... ANYWAY what I plan on talking to her about is if everything is okay... last night she went out with our mutual friends.. big group kind of thing... I didnt get so much as a text message to even see if I was busy. Then I see them all posting how much fun they were having on facebook and I'm like wtf. Now she knows I dont have much money but don't assume I cant afford to go. I just get the feeling like she is avoiding me. Two days ago I heard her and her boyfriend awake in her room. I got up to go pee and there is no way you can't hear when one of us leaves our rooms because the doors are loud... well I was flushing when they walked out of her room and by the time I pulled up my pants and washed my hands they were out the door with it locked and long gone.. it was like they bolted out of the house to avoid talking to me. So I spent the rest of that day and the next day at my parents house and she didnt even come home this weekend except to do her hair for work. My mom suggested I move back home so I can save my rent money for a year and have the ability to move somewhere else (a different state) if I want. While I was at my parents I got super depressed and just had the gut feeling I didnt want to move back there so I made my mom take me home. After a screaming and crying match over my disbelief that my little brother isnt doing drugs anymore. I even asked my roomie and my ex if they could come get me to take me back here. She told me she was working until 10 I said no worries I am home now and I heard NOTHING from her til this morning in response to my text about her coming home so I could talk to her about something. So now it's 2 pm she most likely has to work at 5 and she prolly wont show up here until about 4. I don't know what is going on but I need to know.. I feel like my roomie and best girl friend in Phoenix hates me as well as the friends we share and since I dont know many others here anymore I sit in solitude watching every movie I own and being ignored by everyone. The only person that wants to talk to me is my Ex and that is slowly going away too since we've talked about alot of crap that happened in our relationship. It breaks my heart and I dont even know what I did to deserve this. I want to just start over somewhere new or find some new friends. But I work alone and cant find a new job so that I can meet new people. I can't really afford to drive downtown and go check out the galleries and just be around people that share the same ideas as me. Its getting really bad and I just want to curl up in a ball, cry and sleep everyweekend until work on tuesdays...