Trichotillomania and Locks. 1 month old - Crochet method start.
Introduce Yourself
Hi there,
I figure I should introduce myself, since one of the major contributing reasons for having dreadlocks is potentially somewhat unusual & it may be of interest to someone else.
I have suffered from a scalp hair-pulling disorder for the past 10 years or so called Trichotillomania. See good ol' wikipedia for more info : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichotillomania
Suffice to say that it has caused significant distress, and I have battled it with various methods - all the while, hiding it from everyone I knew. It is the standard story that most people with the disorder tell. There is a huge sense of shame, confusion to its cause, internal conflict due to the appearance of a habit or addiction, despite no real awareness of the pulling taking place. The knowledge that it makes one appear slightly crazy, looks like a form of self harm, and at the same time seems as though it should be easy behaviour to curb has been quite difficult to deal with over the years. Luckily, I am much more at ease with myself nowadays - hence being able to talk openly about this, despite it still being something I struggle with.
Anyway, my first set of dreads was at the age of 17. I think I started pulling at around the age of 15, and had a bald patch on the top of my head that I had spent a year or so struggling to grow back. At 17, I was starting to grow into my own mind. I had always loved trees - and to me, dreadlocks represented a way to remain grounded, whilst aspiring to grow and reach beyond myself - much like roots and branches. I am sure many of you have linked dreadlocks both visually and metaphorically to the form of a tree before - personally I find it a very powerful link.
On a more practical level, dreadlocks provided a way to hide some of the damage I had done to my hair by pulling and discourage me from doing more.
At the time - the advice I found on the internet was poor advice. I had my dreadlocks 'installed' with synthetic (bad idea!) hair extensions to lengthen them, and wax was used on them initially. I never continued with the wax, because it never felt quite right - and I kept my hair as clean as possible with something that claimed to be a residue free shampoo. I loved having dreads. My natural hair is curly - Type 3b - and took well to the dreading process. I had a LOT of frizzies on top due to the curly nature of my hair (it is somewhat rebellious) and also due to the short hairs of new growth from my previously bald spot. I sometimes hated my 'halo' of frizz, but tried to remain philosophical about it being something my hair needed to work through.
About 8 months into my journey, I met someone who had just chopped his dreads off in an attempt to get rid of headlice. Turned out he hadnt got rid of them completely - and I ended up with them. In a panic (and with his encouragement) I also chopped my dreads short, combed them out and doused myself with noxious chemicals. So that was the end of that. I was actually rather traumatised by the whole thing.
Well - fast forward 10 years. I have battled since then to find other ways to mitigate or halt the damage caused by my pulling. I have also spent those last 10 years gazing longingly at others with beautiful dreads. Worries over jobs and whether I had enough hair left to actually *have* locks, prevented me from taking action. I experimented with having a shaved head - which I can definitely recommend as a fascinating and liberating experience - thoroughly worth it. I have also had many elaborate fake hair creations made out of foam, plastic and wool - all great fun but expensive and a lot of hassle.
Also during this period, my hair was always attempting to tell me how much it *wanted* to be in dreads, by forming terrific great knots at the nape of my neck by the end of each day, no matter how much conditioner I used! I expended huge amounts of effort preventing my hair from doing what it wanted, which was time consuming, exhausting and expensive.
So this time around, I knew I didn't want wax in my hair - when my last set got the chop, there was a rather unappetising core of icky-looking stuff running through the centre which I am 100% sure now was wax (bearing in mind that was only with TWO applications of wax).
However - much as I would have preferred to have gone the natural method for the journey and the look (gnarled old tree roots beat straight ugly sticks any day in my book) - a few things made me decide not to.
My main problem was my pulling. It was completely out of control, and getting worse. My hair was disappearing at a truly alarming rate, and I had approximately half the amount of hair on my head that I should have had, and some thin patches all over starting to become very noticeable.
For that reason, time was of the essence for me. If I had gone natural, I would have undone any baby knots with my constant playing with the strands, and would have had no hair left by the time dreads were starting to form.
I decided to have my hair crochetted. I realise now that this forum tends to hold the view that this is very bad for the future health of the dreads, but to be honest - for me - it will probably be the lesser of two evils. I have not touched them with a crochet hook since they were installed for me by a lovely guy called Vitto in London. If anyone reading this needs someone to install crochet dreads for them - I would have absolutely no hesitation in recommending him. They were not done too tight, and although they do inevitably have that somewhat manufactured look to them - they are already starting to naturalise and look more at home on my head!
If I was not in the difficult position caused by my Trichotillomania, I would have undoubtedly gone the neglect route (job allowing - therefore would not have been possible at the moment), or at the very most twist and rip. I also would like to have tried a method that I am fairly sure would work for my hair, which is sectioning the hair how I wanted it, braiding it, then leaving it for about three months. I once had plastic braided in a four-way-plait into my hair, and when I took it out after 3 months, I had the cutest little 1 inch dreadlocks! I would have left the rest loose (assuming it was only a few inches long) to form into my natural ringlets at the tips of the dreads. That would have been my ideal situation, but I am very happy with where I am now nonetheless.
Many of the roots are already locking up nicely - especially around the nape of my neck. I seem to have got over my initial problem with severe itching, and overall I have been much happier since having locked hair. I am washing them every other day on a rotation with different products, and I am loving not having to wash and air dry my curls carefully every time before I leave the house. I also adore how versatile they are in terms of styling, and how sculptural they can be. The tactile texture seems to reduce my urge to pull hair - and whilst I still find the odd loose one and yank on it occassionally, I am - for now at least, free from my Trichotillomania trances.That for me is a huge, huge relief.
My dreads have made me feel like me again, and for that... I love them.
p.s. If anyone else comes across this page, and connect with my journey, or is curious about the trichotillomania etc - please feel free to message me or post in the comments.
p.p.s I am sorry for the EXTRAORDINARY length of this post. Being concise is generally not one of my strong points.
p.p.p.s One great side-effect of having locks is that you have dozens of built-in cat toys on your head :D
updated by @lull: 02/14/15 08:20:34AM