my journey... so far >:)
wow. i loved reading your story. someone is watching over you, my friend.
I just made a post in general talk and decided to make another post here.
I am two weeks into my dread journey and I am already seeing the change,
not the change with my dreads, but the change with myself.
I was recently diagnosed with PTSD (post truamatic stress disorder), I am currently in therapy.
When I was a little girl, My grandfather sexually abused me. When I was a teenager, My dads partner ( he is gay) verbally and physically abused me. For the longest time i refused to believe my grandfather did anything to me, and I am still having difficulties remembering what happened, all i remember is being diagnosed with an STD when i was just eight years old, thank goodness it was treatable. I do, however, remember everything My dads partner said and did. He was always very mean to me and then one day he punched me, gave me a black eye, and I still thought i was going to be the one getting introuble for it. I moved out shortly after and to this day I still deal with the emotional abuse from that side of my family. hence the therapy. My dad got custody of me when I was nine years old. They said my mother was an unfit mother because at the time she had an undiagnosed illness. Come to find out she had something called Celiac disease, and if any of you know what that is, all it means is she cannot eat gluten. how that makes her an unfit mother is beyond me, so we moved in with my granparents, because my dad really didn't want us, us being my brother and I) and to be honest, my entire life is a blur. except for before the court battle, when everything was peaceful and i had the best family anyone could ask for, but that all ended.
I recently, (june 2011) moved back in with my mom. I 20 years old. 19 at the time. I don't know what took me so long,
before i made this decision, on my own, it was never an option. I always did what others asked me to do, i never made my own decisions, someone else always made them for me. Someone picked out my clothes, in highschool i wanted to take pre calculus but my father told me that there was no way i would pass and made me drop the class, I grew up in the church of christ and then was told that if i ever stepped foot into another church other than the church of christ tht i would burn in hell. needless to say, i don't believe in god anymore,
I am my own person, and two weeks ago decided to start growing dreadlocks. these two weeks have changed me and I am so very excited to see how they continue to change me. I am finding out who I am and its all new to me. I feel like a child all over again.
I am two weeks and one day into my dread journey.
I used to be one of those people that thought dreads were dirty, i thought they looked rad as hell, but i just assumed they were dirty and so were the people with them. I used to be one of those people who quickly judged those who didn't use "real" shampoo and soaps. The "hippies" that claimed they didn't use ANY chemicals and they were vegan or vegitarian or what have you. I used to be one those poeple that made fun of you.
I have been through quite a bit of "crap" in my life and i was quick to take my anger out on others around me, I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, or (Post traumatic stress disorder) and the thought of it scared the hell out of me. I really thought that everything I have been through was either all in my head or over exagerated, apparently not.
So i decided that I was going to try and do dreadlocks. I watched and read about other peoples journeys through dreadlocks, when i found out that they were not dirty like I had always thought. first, i stopped using "real" shampoo and then slowly started dreading my hair. Its been two weeks and i love them. I wish i had done them sooner. I think back to when i used to make fun of people who did this, and here I am, I am doing it. I have dreadlocks, I don't use "real" shampoo and now i am trying to rid my body of all toxins.
I never knew who i was before, someone else always made my decisions for me. So, now i feel like a child all over again trying to figure out who i really am, i know this may sound a bit crazy, but its all real and its all new. and i am happy with who i am becoming. I am sorry i underestimated this lifestyle.