its because of the way u were washing and what you was washing with. If you run your hands through ur hair its the same as brushing. thats why it hasn't knotted up. just do the bs wash mixed like bubba said and let your hair do its thing. try not to comb through it with ur hand, basically forget u have hair except when u wash it and remember the bs wash is a no touch method 
yes start the baking soda now. your hair needs to be clean do it 2-3 times a week. its a no touch method too so just mix it and pour it on your head and let it set for 20-30 minutes then rinse it off.
I think it is awesome that you are doing this out of respect. Part of your dread journey is discovering who you are. Some things are more important that your hair and this is one of them. I am very rebellious too so coming from me is a shock. I have the attitude that its my hair and if people don't like it they don't have to look at it, but I do admire your decision to do this for your grandpa and I think you are making a very commendable decision
use 5 cups of water and a half cup bs to wash. leave it in about 20 mins or so rinse it out and then add 5 cups of water and one cap of apple cider vinegar, pour it over your hair and rinse immediately. make sure you rinse all the bs out before doing the acv mix though. Do not palm roll or twist your hair. twisting can make you go bald and palm rolling does nothing at all but damage your dreads. Best advice I can give you is be patient and enjoy the journey. Your hair will go through many stages. You will not have dreads overnight. It takes time. Sea salt water also acts as a good locking accelerator. Use one teaspoon for 16 oz in a spray bottle and spray it on your hair and try not to spray it on your scalp. There are good shampoos and accelerators you can buy but the methods I gave you are just as good and cost very little You should also check out the dreaducation page and the forums cuz they have some good info that you will want to read 
hope this helps
