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mom bugging me about my dreads

Karina Arroyo
@karina-arroyo
8 years ago
6 posts
I like my dreads but my mom has started to bug me about how they look messy and dirty..she wants me to have my hair straight and combed. I just dont want to be tempted into gettin rid of them. Wat should i do? /:
updated by @karina-arroyo: 01/22/20 09:33:16AM
NaturalDreads01
@naturaldreads01
8 years ago
170 posts

Hmm.. All I can say, is do what you think is right... I myself was in the same situation as you, and eventually my parents didn't really mind it so much. The main thing my parents bug me about now is my beard haha. Not to say my parents never tease me about it, but the fact of the matter is, is for about the first 2 or 3 months my parents often wanted me to cut/comb my hair. If they really love you for you, then they will eventually be ok with you doing what you are.

Baba Fats
@baba-fats
8 years ago
2,702 posts

The simple answer is "don't be tempted". But that's not always so easy.

Your parents can harass, bribe, tempt, threaten, guilt, ask nicely, badger, pester, anything you can think of, in order to try and convince you. But in the end, they can't, legally, take you to the hair dresser and have them forcibly cut or removed. That would by a form of child abuse. In fact, threatening can be too. But it's harder to prove in the short term.

What is it, exactly, about your locks that your mom hates so much? That they look unkempt? Show her some of our members timelines. Show her that in the first few months, they do look a bit unruly, but in the end, they look neat and orderly. It takes some time, but the end product will fit her image of what locks should look like. In the meantime, she may start to get used to, and even like how the process changes from day to day.

If she thinks they are dirty, show her dreadlockshampoo.com. They make soap specifically for locks. So they aren't dirty at all. Let her know that dirty hair doesn't even lock up well.

Parents tend to be under the impression that how their kids look is an extension of how they are as parents. ie. If you look messy, others will think they are bad parents, who don't look after your personal hygiene. I went through the same thing when I was goth, dressing all in black, with black eyeliner and nailpolish.

Try and be calm and patient with them. Sit down like 2 adults, and have a discussion about how the way your hair is, is only an extension of you, yourself. It doesn't have any effect on her. If you are ready and prepared for some of the criticism that will come your way, then that's on you.

Karina Arroyo
@karina-arroyo
8 years ago
6 posts

Yeah she said she was embarrassed .-.

and that i look prettier with my hair long and straight

but i think i should do what you mentioned, to show her some examples and tell her bout the shampoo :)

the Barrellady
@the-barrellady
8 years ago
1,302 posts

Hi Karina. Sometimes parents can't see the outcome of something you have started. They just see what your hair looks like now. Show mom a picture I am posting of a member on here named Taye. Her dreads are three years old here. (She takes a product called Biotin, found in the vitamin section in drug stores which promotes hair growth, so hers grew quickly). Maybe if she sees what they WILL look like once they have matured, then she might change her mind. Yes the first year is messy, but this is what they turn into: Beautiful dreads....Peace


updated by @the-barrellady: 02/05/15 10:12:49AM
JeffThaGreenthumb
@jeffthagreenthumb
8 years ago
13 posts

ha ha my mother still bugs me to get a haircut and im in my thirties. She lives in a florida retirement community and thinks my barefoot tie died dreadhead scares her neighbors. ha ha gonna go down there soon with my drums and me and the filthy little tree worshipin grandkids gonna have a drum circle right outside the parks gates. Mothers sometimes are just stuck in their ways, my mother has commented on my "homeless" look for like twenty years now but she is still my mother and i just give the shit back and we can both smile for a moment. Good luck, do what YOU feel is right. hair never killed no one or anything, right?

Light Faerie ~
@light-faerie
8 years ago
34 posts

Greetings!

It's quite understandable that your mother is against dreads. They appear messy, dirty, & this might be a characteristic of the person: someone lazy.

Show her that thesecriticisms are wrong. Show her that you indeed do wash them every other day or so... Let her know that in fact dreads have to be taken care of even MORE than regular hair! Not only the care of dreads are important, but the spiritual reasons behind them.

If she is still against them and you do want to please her in some sense, you should realize that you don't have to necessarily dread your WHOLE hair! You can only dread the bottom part, and leave the very top layer straight & combed. This way your hair will look very tamed and presentable! This is what I do, I am probably not going to dread my whole head. Another way is to keep the dreads small, not big - this way they are lessnoticeable.

There are so many options out there. . . do what pleases you my dear.

~ Much Love

the Barrellady
@the-barrellady
8 years ago
1,302 posts

I have never heard of dreads working this way, it may work for Light Faerie right now at only 6 months into her journey, but I am not sure how it would be in the long run. Interesting to see them in a year from now. Perhaps I just learned something new, not so sure though....

Light Faerie ~ said: , you should realize that you don't have to necessarily dread your WHOLE hair! You can only dread the bottom part, and leave the very top layer straight & combed. This way your hair will look very tamed and presentable! This is what I do, I am probably not going to dread my whole head. Another way is to keep the dreads small, not big - this way they are lessnoticeable.


Light Faerie ~
@light-faerie
8 years ago
34 posts

I think it could definitely work as long as you continuously keep that portion combed.. I mean I always see people with their bangs straight & the rest dreaded. I don't see why this isn't possible with the top layer of your hair. If there is a will there's a way. You can def keep your dreads very tamed & presentable for your mother :)

the Barrellady
@the-barrellady
8 years ago
1,302 posts

As a parent, I would never force my kids to have their hair a certain way. My youngest is a daughter of 13 has the one side of her head shaved, the other is very long hair, the front is long and cuts sharply up towards the back. She wanted that style and I encourage her to express herself. If you are a good human being and a good daughter for your mom, then tell her that dreadlocks will not change who you are, you will still be a good daughter no matter how you have your hair. If anything, they will teach you to be humble, not conceited, or judgmental towards others. You will always have clean hair/dreads, they will just look different from her friends daughters, that's all. Stay good, stay strong and be yourself, but a good self.....Peace

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