Be Kind

So Recently I got an email from a former member about how she posted a discussion about wanting to help people do maintenance on their locks. She advertised that she crocheted, palm rolled, and something about wool wrapping (Not sure what that means).

Well, this member asked me to delete everything that had her nameassociatedwith it, as well as her account. I did, out of respect. But I also sent her an email back that I hope calmed her down.

Her main concern was about how some members got an angry tone in their responses and she felt attacked.

So this post is a plea to everyone for a little more respect to members who use destructive methods for their locks.

I am definitely not asking us to stop telling people how bad wax, crocheting, interlocking, and palm rolling are. But I do think there are ways to go about it better. It may take more activity by some of us. But It will be worth it. Quite a few people have signed up and then quit because they felt they were being attacked (I am guilty of this too). I would like to help these people out as much as possible. But I would also really like to keep them as members so they can keepbenefitingfrom this great community.

So please, when you find someone who used wax, or crocheted their hair, or did anything else we know is destructive, and damaging, please be kind and calm with them. Have facts straight and if at all possible, maybe post links to other posts or videos to help emphasize your point. When they see a video, it will help them relate to the issue better

updated by @baba-fats: 02/14/15 05:50:12AM

When people are so opinionated and passionate about something, it's easy to to come across as offensive or attacking. Good of you to remind people.

Thanks. Like I said, I'mguiltyof it too. I get passionate. Even today I had to delete part of a comment because I felt like it may have been getting a bit out of hand

We must all remember this Baba Fats. If someone decides to use one of these methods and wants to continue knowing the risks involved, then we should not judge. I guess it is like hating your best friends lover-the one who just rubs you the wrong way, it is your friends choice but always be there for them if that relationship does not turn out, never saying " I Told You So "...thanks for the reminder....peace

Wool wrappings is felting wool into your dreads.

I agree, before I joined the forums I was reading and some comments did felt like they were attacking, I have also read bad reviews of the site because anything other than neglect was viewed as negatived and so the site name should change to natural locks or something like that so people know that is you are not free-forming then this is not the site for you.

Now this is out of my memory and I did not bother to try to remember who said or when or if the post is still there but despite all that I joined and regardless of what everyone says I just listen o their advice and still do what i want with my hair. So this goes for anyone that might feel offended int he past or in the future, you do not have to do anything that anyone here or elsewhere tells you to do. You take the information and do whatever you want with it. That should take any pressure you might feel away.

its more likely we offered freindly advice saying crochets not a good method to use and then she got angry offensive

ive had that experience so many times with locticians

i probably said something like you know crochets very harnmful anbd we aree about healthy dreads so please dont advertise harmful methods here we cant allow it

i had a girl that made awesome beads try to put her store in our shops but she also made fimo handled crochet hooks for dreads i wrote her saying that we dont alow harmful products or tools but i li=ove your beads so if your willing to remove the hooks (only 2 out of like 80 products) then we can add the shop

she wrote back beu=ing really nastty claiming my nite was the most shocking offensive thing she ever read

often its all in how they perceive things they feel attacked becayse we dont like the damaging methods they recomend

no matter how kind you are your not going to alter thier perceptions

its not what you say its what they want to g=hear and arent hearing

they want omg yes work on my dreads pkease

not no thanks i preer my dreads healthy

even that no thanks i prefer healthy or natural dreads they will perceive as an attack

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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

Most people sign up and are all excited about their new babies. They do not like to feel that something is not perfect about their new dreads. They want us to say that they look great and have done the right thing. And sometimes we can't. I really make it a point not to jump in an say something like that to someone who has just joined. I only make comments if the question is asked. I see where people sign up and in 10 minutes they have received several comments telling them that they did something wrong and pointing it out.. Hell yeah..I would be defensive. It puts people on the spot. Now i am NOT saying that if someone joins and says that they are willing to help people by crochet or interlocking in anyway....you know I would let them know that it was bad and why. I promise I would never stand around and let some self proclaimed expert start spreading misinformation around the site. I just think it is a bit much for someone who has just joined to get ganged up on and told how bad their decision is and try to fix them before they have even asked for help.

We have to remember they can not hear our voices. And it is so easy to write something with good intentions and be misunderstood.

I totally agree with Taye. I have seen that. Communication can be a complex thing, specially when it is only in writing.

well 99% are so greatful someone told them the truth and gave em good advice as soon as theyt joined

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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1