Feeling the need to "tidy up"

Hey all.

I've haunted this place for a few years, since before I started dreading. My dreads will be 2 years old at the end of the year; my New Year's resolution two years ago was to stop brushing.

My husband and I both have dreads. His are...old. Since he's thinning on top and I have soooo much hair, his advice does not apply to me at all.

And I need some help.

When I decided to dread, well, I'd wanted them ALWAYS, but found myself at a spot in life that allowed me to freely welcome this desire into my world. I was starting my own business, a business that didn't require me to "conform" to society's (albeit hogwash) standards for professionalism.

Anyway, my dreads have been allowed to form as they wish, and...they've most certainly taken on a life of their own. I love them.

I've also realized an over 10-year dream and obtained a certification that forces me to do business with doctors and nurses and hospitals and such...folks that I've found to be quite judgmental about appearances. I do pretty up-do's with my dreads and feel very comfortable with them, but I can't help but wonder that if I tidy them up a bit, if they'd be a bit more acceptable to those with whom I would like to do business.

My question is...HOW??? How do I turn this mass of messy magick into something a bit more conformed?

Mind you...conformity is NOT a strength of mine, but the reality is that I DO need these folks to earn an income that doesn't require a J-O-B.

updated by @sukibug: 01/13/15 08:51:18PM

theres absolutely no need to tidy up and conform all you need to do is if the subject even ever comes up is be prepared with an explanation as to why you shouldnt or cant

dreadlocks are a religiosds or spiritual expression not only in rastafarian but virtualy every religion and spirituality

that means that dreads are a protected right..but..only if u do not give in and maintain to fit a professional image

in order for the dreads to be concidereed a religios right they must be treatted properly which means neglected and alowed to form as they will,

now you can voluntarily offer to compromise as long as when u do compromise your belikefs u also compromise your ability to argue its a religios right and then they can not only ask you to tidy them but cover them cut them anything they want cause you are basicly signing away your rights by not standing up for them

now ways to tidy up wothout compromising the dreads updos tye em back cover em french braid em bun em aloe to control frizz

btw we have doctors and nurses here with natural dreads in fact we have rocket scientists teachers and ppl working in law firms

ive worked in oddices ive been on the board of directors (of a few non profits) had to deal with poloticiand wealthy patrons yuppy types galore and never did a thing to tidy up or try to impress em but they were impressed cause i always went above the call of duty and did a lil extra personal touch to everything i did ewhenever i had free time really its what u do and how u do it that matters not how iu look

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

Of course, in my rational mind I know the truth with which you speak. And after a few moments of introspection, I think I've realized that my insecurity is less related to my hair and more related to me fear of stepping from my own self-induced removal from society back into the "real world."

So...consider my need to "tidy up" resolved.

There still does remain a small need to tidy, though...but it's related to the fact that I've been washing my lovely locks with Doc Bronner's, a soap I've used for years. I read here recently how Doc Bronner's with hard water causes that white mineral build up in dreads...which I'm experiencing. Is it possible to rid my locks of this build up?

soaringeagle said:

theres absolutely no need to tidy up and conform all you need to do is if the subject even ever comes up is be prepared with an explanation as to why you shouldnt or cant

dreadlocks are a religiosds or spiritual expression not only in rastafarian but virtualy every religion and spirituality

that means that dreads are a protected right..but..only if u do not give in and maintain to fit a professional image

in order for the dreads to be concidereed a religios right they must be treatted properly which means neglected and alowed to form as they will,

now you can voluntarily offer to compromise as long as when u do compromise your belikefs u also compromise your ability to argue its a religios right and then they can not only ask you to tidy them but cover them cut them anything they want cause you are basicly signing away your rights by not standing up for them

now ways to tidy up wothout compromising the dreads updos tye em back cover em french braid em bun em aloe to control frizz

btw we have doctors and nurses here with natural dreads in fact we have rocket scientists teachers and ppl working in law firms

ive worked in oddices ive been on the board of directors (of a few non profits) had to deal with poloticiand wealthy patrons yuppy types galore and never did a thing to tidy up or try to impress em but they were impressed cause i always went above the call of duty and did a lil extra personal touch to everything i did ewhenever i had free time really its what u do and how u do it that matters not how iu look

I do have some wraps and tend to wear them head-band-style, as I find that when I wrap my entire head I look like I'm undergoing cancer treatment instead of sporting a fabulous look.

Do you have any suggestions for wraps?

Pictures...as I was just hunting for a picture to use here for my profile, I realized that I really don't have any! I'll have to fix that...

Thank you!

Knottysleeves said:

Pics? I'm sure they don't look nearly as "untidy" as you think.

I do government consulting and I've always worn my dreads in updos and wraps... never had a problem, ever. Wraps are great because you can even do them in a way that hides the dreads entirely, if that's what you need.

i was looking at youir pic and was going to suggest a deep cleanse

do the baking soda deep cleanse and acv follow up rinse the acv make a lil extra strong and soak a lil extra long and it should remove any residues

plus will get u super clean

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

I swear by Apple Cider Vinegar rinses every now again. It's really easy to make....just take one part apple cider vinegar to three parts water and soak in on your scalp and hair and then rinse. It restores pH and removes film.

If you are having scalp issues - grab some fresh rosemary and boil it in like 2 cups water to make rosemary water (im sure you could probablyt use rosemary tea too) and then add that to the apple cider vinegar (1 part vin to 3 parts water/rosemary water). Your scalp will love you....

By the way - when I first started working in the "real world" I was self conscious about my locks because no one else had them -- I used to tie them up, put headbands around them, etc. Then one day my hair was down because I was the only one in the office, then my boss came in and I forgot that my hair was down - but she didn't say anything. It doesn't matter what you do to your dreads - one way or another you have dreadlocks, it becomes an issue of how comfortable you feel with them. Hang in there Mama

SukiBug said:

I do have some wraps and tend to wear them head-band-style, as I find that when I wrap my entire head I look like I'm undergoing cancer treatment instead of sporting a fabulous look.

Do you have any suggestions for wraps?

Pictures...as I was just hunting for a picture to use here for my profile, I realized that I really don't have any! I'll have to fix that...

Thank you!

Knottysleeves said:

Pics? I'm sure they don't look nearly as "untidy" as you think.

I do government consulting and I've always worn my dreads in updos and wraps... never had a problem, ever. Wraps are great because you can even do them in a way that hides the dreads entirely, if that's what you need.

So...going deep here. After I made this post yesterday, I started genuinely digging through my thoughts and have come to this conclusion (if you're into it):

When I first started my adult life, well, I'd previously coined a nickname for that period of my life: High Maintenance Me. I was a professional, had a personal shopper, had been groomed by my mother for routine maintenance a la hair highlights and the like, wore fancy clothes, drove a fancy car (that I still own, btw, 16 years later ). I defined myself by my stuff and my ability to obtain it. In that time, ideally there was room for differences, but they were not generally accepted. I was very much a product of my childhood, but my heart had ALWAYS told me that something wasn't right in living this way.

Enter my firstborn. That birth...well, more was born that day than just my oldest son, *I* was reborn, as well. Something drastic happened to me during his birth, that natural release of hormones and endorphins CHANGED me, as nature's intended. Turned me into a woman with untold abilities.

A whole new era of my life began to unfold at that moment and my world was ENTIRELY different, almost overnight. Certainly by the time my second child came around, the difference between High Maintenance Me and Natural Me was dramatic. Everything about my world changed, my natural birth and subsequent experience with breastfeeding had solidified the importance of Mother Nature and honoring her through everyday living.

Anyway...my hair. I've ALWAYS had a love for dreads. High Maintenance Me deeply admired them and made them into THE object to represent that one place in my heart that felt that the life I was living was just not quite right, although I didn't know it at the time. When I made the decision to stop brushing, I felt that I was doing more than just adopting a hairstyle, I was doing the one thing that I felt honored my SELF the most.

And my recent introspection is showing that the marriage of these "two me's," these two vastly different lifestyles I've experienced in my life, is occurring at this moment and I just need to adjust and find in my own heart how they'll fit together.

Certainly, I'm not so self-involved that I make a habit of referring to myself in such egotistical ways, nor do I make a habit of laying out my deepest personal thoughts at the feet of strangers. But...I thought it fitting and pertinent to the conversation and if anyone were to understand the internal reflection being driven by my HAIR (of all things), it would those of you in this group.

Finally...I'm heading to a holiday gathering with my husband this evening, and I'll be cleansing my hair with some BS and ACV, just after I mask my face with some rhassoul. See...High Maintenance Me is still around, indeed, just the products and perspective have changed. :P