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I love me dreads but I hate getting made fun of in school

Sirick
@sirick
4 years ago
26 posts

I can't offer any advice for having dreads in high school, but I can share with you my experiences from having long hair in high school.

You may experience slightly different things depending on how rough your school is and how many others at your school have similar styles.
Mine was a pretty average school, not too low class and scum filled but also hardly what you would call high class.

You will get called names. You will have people mock you behind your back. You will be bullied mentally, physically or both.

I was raised to be a pacifist, and I did my best to follow such views. But when I decided I wanted to grow my hair long I started running to way more problems then I had before.
I was the only boy at my high school with long hair, I'm unsure if wearing it in a ponytail made it worse or better.

Before growing my hair I only had to deal with light bullying from class mates that knew me (hardly unique, I imagine almost everyone has had to deal with this level of bulling). After I had grown it over the holidays and returned to school, suddenly I was getting it in the neck from people I didn't even know, kids I had never even seen before or were at least four years older then me would call me names, punch me in the arm or simply laugh.

You will stand out. Standing out brings attention to you. You have to decide how you feel about standing out from everyone else. If you decide you do want to stick out like a sore thumb now you have to figure out how you are going to deal with the definite bad attention you will get.

Again, I can only offer you advice from my own personal experience and what worked for me might not work for you.

I toughened up. I ignored giggles and jeers, I stood up to any one who tried to push me around and if anyone tried to hurt me I would hurt them back twice as hard.

This changed who I was in a big way, but thankfully I was happy with who I had become. I was more comfortable and sure of myself.
But this did change my relationship with my parents.
My mother who had raised me to be a pacifist was very upset that I was now very aggressive and adversarial, to paraphrase her I had gone from a smiley quiet and good boy to a frowning, angry boy whose first response to something upsetting him was to use violence.
My father on the other hand was overjoyed to see me becoming a man.

So as you can see, different people will react differently to the changes that may happen to you.

In less then a year I had no more problems with people. No one made any comment of my hair even though it was longer then ever. I don't think this is because they knew me by reputation, but because I now held myself differently.
I would now stand tall, not slouch like I used to. I would speak clearly and deliberately. I stood my ground and refused to bend to others whims.

It's been eight years since I left high school, and since then I think that twice I've had a comment about my appearance in a nasty way (not sure if my hair played a part in it) and each time I told them to fuck off, which they promptly did.

I'm very happy with who my hair made me, which is why I love it so much. But you have to decide if you will love who you will become from dealing with the negative views of others.

You don't have to deal with things like I have. It may be enough for you to just ignore others.

However you decide to deal with things, it will change you in one way or another.


updated by @sirick: 07/23/15 03:10:51AM
DreadfullyJaded
@dreadfullyjaded
4 years ago
31 posts

I have been made fun of my entire life for my weight. I've tried diets pills starvation. they only made it worse. years later i see my doctor and turns out i have PCOS and its super hard for me to lose weight. I'm not alone. Just knowing that I'm not the only person that has struggled and been made fun of by school kids is reassuring. After getting dreads i have been made fun of as the fat girl who has gross hair. i try not to let that affect me because this is who i am. I hope this helps you some. And what SE said is true. you have to take the positive and ignore the negative.

Bode Shackelford
@bode-shackelford
4 years ago
14 posts
Thank you everyone for the replays you all made me feel 20 times better about myself and who I am!!! It helped me to know I'm not the only one with this problem and that if I stand with my Head held high that things will get better thank you!!!
Niesje Sigrid
@niesje-sigrid
4 years ago
56 posts

I'm glad you gained confidence, but let's not be violent. Bode, Sirick is right about carrying yourself with confidence. It changes everything. People generally treat you better. But high school kids will always find something wrong with you, simply to distract from all they feel is wrong in themselves. They lack confidence and certainty. When I was in high school, I thought I wouldn't have any problems. I was skinny, attractive, smart, always had the good weed ;) lol. But people said I was too weird, I was probably anorexic, I was probably sleeping with all my guy friends, etc. They will always say mean things. If they're going to be mean anyway, why not just be happy? Why not just be yourself? Don't worry about them. Let them worry about their own insecurity and you just be your own confident beautiful self :)

Sirick said:

I can't offer any advice for having dreads in high school, but I can share with you my experiences from having long hair in high school.

You may experience slightly different things depending on how rough your school is and how many others at your school have similar styles.
Mine was a pretty average school, not too low class and scum filled but also hardly what you would call high class.

You will get called names. You will have people mock you behind your back. You will be bullied mentally, physically or both.

I was raised to be a pacifist, and I did my best to follow such views. But when I decided I wanted to grow my hair long I started running to way more problems then I had before.
I was the only boy at my high school with long hair, I'm unsure if wearing it in a ponytail made it worse or better.

Before growing my hair I only had to deal with light bullying from class mates that knew me (hardly unique, I imagine almost everyone has had to deal with this level of bulling). After I had grown it over the holidays and returned to school, suddenly I was getting it in the neck from people I didn't even know, kids I had never even seen before or were at least four years older then me would call me names, punch me in the arm or simply laugh.

You will stand out. Standing out brings attention to you. You have to decide how you feel about standing out from everyone else. If you decide you do want to stick out like a sore thumb now you have to figure out how you are going to deal with the definite bad attention you will get.

Again, I can only offer you advice from my own personal experience and what worked for me might not work for you.

I toughened up. I ignored giggles and jeers, I stood up to any one who tried to push me around and if anyone tried to hurt me I would hurt them back twice as hard.

This changed who I was in a big way, but thankfully I was happy with who I had become. I was more comfortable and sure of myself.
But this did change my relationship with my parents.
My mother who had raised me to be a pacifist was very upset that I was now very aggressive and adversarial, to paraphrase her I had gone from a smiley quiet and good boy to a frowning, angry boy whose first response to something upsetting him was to use violence.
My father on the other hand was overjoyed to see me becoming a man.

So as you can see, different people will react differently to the changes that may happen to you.

In less then a year I had no more problems with people. No one made any comment of my hair even though it was longer then ever. I don't think this is because they knew me by reputation, but because I now held myself differently.
I would now stand tall, not slouch like I used to. I would speak clearly and deliberately. I stood my ground and refused to bend to others whims.

It's been eight years since I left high school, and since then I think that twice I've had a comment about my appearance in a nasty way (not sure if my hair played a part in it) and each time I told them to fuck off, which they promptly did.

I'm very happy with who my hair made me, which is why I love it so much. But you have to decide if you will love who you will become from dealing with the negative views of others.

You don't have to deal with things like I have. It may be enough for you to just ignore others.

However you decide to deal with things, it will change you in one way or another.

Sirick
@sirick
4 years ago
26 posts

I may have made myself sound a tad more of a sociopath then I actually am.
Aggressive may be a good word to describe me, but not does not mean I am constantly violent.

I don't go around looking for fights and if I think it the best solution to a conflict then I will use non/minimal-violent means.

Rarely do I even find I need to use violence, and when I do it's almost always against someone who is ready to use violence themselves.
The last time was a few years ago, and even then all I needed was words with the unspoken threat of violence and situation was quickly defused.

Not to say I think everyone should do things just like me, but I do think everyone should be willing to use force when necessary.

Anger and violence have a bad rep. I do not think they should be ignored, but instead mastered and used as tools towards a positive goal.

Sometimes you can fight fire with fire and sometimes violence is called for.

ZoeyRainsMom
@zoeyrainsmom
4 years ago
122 posts
Sirick, I know what you are saying and do agree with you. I went through some hard times in high school just like everybody else but if you always cower down to the bullies you will always be bullied. You have to show that you are willing to defend yourself even if you are stooping to their level. My mother always told me to never throw the first punch but once they do make sure they don't get back up. ( I'm sure that's gonna upset some people on here too.) It's not like it ever came down to being that serious, a couple of fist fights, but once they know you won't play their games they leave you alone. Most of them were all talk and afraid of a real confrontation, word travels fast
Niesje Sigrid
@niesje-sigrid
4 years ago
56 posts

I wasn't trying to imply that you were a sociopath at all! I'm sorry If you took my comment the wrong way. I just didn't want him to think it was the only option to be violent. I do understand that violence is sometimes necessary and I've had my fair share of it in the past. We are all on our own journey and I wouldn't judge you harshly for how you got where you are now.

Sirick
@sirick
4 years ago
26 posts

Hooray for champions of violence!

No fear Niesje, I took no offence at all and I did not think you were implying that I was a sociopath.
You are most certainly correct that to be violent is not the only option, I just felt the need to voice the often unpopular viewpoint of violence being something of use and sometimes a force for good.

 
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