Time to Cut My Dreads.

Hi.

I think I have to cut off my dreadlocks . It's been almost a year and I still feel insecure about them and not very beautiful. I went on a date with this incredible guy named Devin and I just felt fat, insecure and sloppy. God.

The first picture is me without dreadlocks , being a good student and not smoking weed

The second picture is me with dreadlocks, allowing myself to get fat, smoke weed, skip school, and try to accept a more casual apperance that I'm not even comfortable with.

I'm just angry and upset because I'm insecure... and neurotic. I messed up a great date because we smoked weed and I totally started geeking out.

A lot of self-hate today.

updated by @erutxet: 02/14/15 07:49:29AM

hell no

dont

you "feel" a certain way because u "feel" u screwed up a date but what date dont u woerry about if u screwed up or not adfter?

he asked u out with your dreads right?

your just feeling insecure its normal i bet he asks u out again

if u cut your dreads because of a date u wuill regret it forever

dont be silly

and even if things dont work out with him another will come along lovin you and your dreadies

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

dr eagles prescription :

post in the sexy dready group for a big ol ego boost

join the dreadlocks dating site and flirt with some dreadies

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

I know I look better without DREADLOCKS. It's ... just reality. IF you look at the two photos, it's just the truth. So many tears today! I'm really just... not doing too well. Thanks for replying.. I hope I can figure this out

u look better with draeads way better ..the 2nd pictuures gorgouyse the 1ast ..ordinary

(no offence)

put the 2 side by side and take a vote

everyi=onr would agree u look amazing with dreads

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

I think you are gorgeous...with your dreads...I have been dealing with alot of confidence issues myself lately b'c of the past coming back to haunt me...I can tell you this, I thought I had dealt with my insecurities (therapy, losing weight, cutting my hair short, quitting drinking and smoking). But someone made some comments on facebook the other day that brought the low self esteem screaming back, like 10 years ago was yesterday. This does not have to do with your hair, work on doing good things for yourself. When I was at my lowest I had long curly pretty hair, when I felt my sexiest after all the work I did I had short 2" all over hair and rocked it, now I am growing my dreads and they did not make me feel the way I have been feeling the person who said those nasty things did. If anything the dreads will help you except yourself. Dont beat yourself up, I know its hard. Girls are made to feel like they have to compete constantly with their looks, you could be the most loving caring person in the world and still feel like that guy doesnt like you or that you dont measure up to some ridiculous standard. I know this sounds corny but it was advice I got from my therapist that really helped me in the long run. "Do not downgrade, call yourself names, or be mean to yourself" Pay attention to how many times a day you think or say out loud that your are stupid, fat, insert any other derogatory word here....make a point to correct yourself out loud everytime. You are not stupid or fat or sloppy. Also correct the other girls and woman in your life whenyou here them say it. Tell them not to say that about themselves. You will become aware that it is almost like breathing for woman to do this. (Btw I also do this for the men in my life b'c they are wonderful too That was long winded keep up on the forums the people here really are wonderful...they have reachedor they are trying to reacha level of acceptance that alot of people have not yet. Hugs your way.

This hurts so much, I've been there..I was anorexic and bulemic, I always had confidence issues, please please if you need counsel message me...I am here to help...xo & much love...God bless you ...Nancy

i could not agree with this more however its not enough to correct 1 thoiu8ght with a possitive rsponce because chances are these negative thoughts have been rolling around in there like a stuck record player repeatting over and over year after year till you no longer can believe anything but that

every "ypoir so pretty" u get is drowned out by6 the repeating "no im fat no im un=gly no im worthless" soundtrack in youir mind

so everytime u get 1 negative thoight u need to drown it oit with hundreds of the opposite..

beliefs come from repetitive "programming"

why do u think churches hacv e the sit stand knewel repeat after me sing this do that rituals its to program the mind to believe a certain thing

yoir thoufhts andthe words of others have the same effect

think back when u wre young and 1 kid said "your fat" or whatever i bet for days that echoed through your mind 1st as a question am i fat then as a "beat down" your so fat your so fat then expanding to your so fat nobody will wan t you

thats programming the mind to believe a certain way regardless of the rality

anorexia\

anorexicas truly see themselves as fat when they have nothing but bone left they try to diet to make the bones themselves lose weight

are they fat? no but theyre minds programmed themselves to bnot only believe it but to seee it too

that constant echoung repetative thought process ingerains these beliefs

it has to be counteracted with a strong oposition a loucdxder voice screamming over and over no im not im perfect just as i am

when you program yourself to believe your beautiful and worthwhile you will be no matter how you look or dont look outside

itshe inner struggle to feeel worthwhile that truly does u harm

now..dreads..can dsave you from all that

set u freee

u need them

if u give in and cut you lose yoir lifeline

you lose your strength to escape the repetative madness of self induced self hatred

stop thinking negative thoughts and start screamming possditivity

beam it from your heart like a beakon

let your entire being be consumed with 1 simple thought

i am wonderful

let that be who you are

all you need

then u no longer need anyone eleses approval

Patty Haynes said:

I think you are gorgeous...with your dreads...I have been dealing with alot of confidence issues myself lately b'c of the past coming back to haunt me...I can tell you this, I thought I had dealt with my insecurities (therapy, losing weight, cutting my hair short, quitting drinking and smoking). But someone made some comments on facebook the other day that brought the low self esteem screaming back, like 10 years ago was yesterday. This does not have to do with your hair, work on doing good things for yourself. When I was at my lowest I had long curly pretty hair, when I felt my sexiest after all the work I did I had short 2" all over hair and rocked it, now I am growing my dreads and they did not make me feel the way I have been feeling the person who said those nasty things did. If anything the dreads will help you except yourself. Dont beat yourself up, I know its hard. Girls are made to feel like they have to compete constantly with their looks, you could be the most loving caring person in the world and still feel like that guy doesnt like you or that you dont measure up to some ridiculous standard. I know this sounds corny but it was advice I got from my therapist that really helped me in the long run. "Do not downgrade, call yourself names, or be mean to yourself" Pay attention to how many times a day you think or say out loud that your are stupid, fat, insert any other derogatory word here....make a point to correct yourself out loud everytime. You are not stupid or fat or sloppy. Also correct the other girls and woman in your life whenyou here them say it. Tell them not to say that about themselves. You will become aware that it is almost like breathing for woman to do this. (Btw I also do this for the men in my life b'c they are wonderful too That was long winded keep up on the forums the people here really are wonderful...they have reachedor they are trying to reacha level of acceptance that alot of people have not yet. Hugs your way.

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

you are beautiful with or without dreads sister!!

Thanks everyone... I definitely feel waves of relief and self assurance washing over me from reading each post. I really like Patty Hanes and SE's ideas of not telling yourself negative thoughts!!!! It's so true.. when you hear a negative thought you let it define you and you revel in it for weeks, but when you hear something positive you're always striving for more, or wondering if it's really true! Time to reverse my negative thinking.

It's so true, I can be a good student, in shape and happy WITH dreads, cutting my hair is not going to change the way i feel INSIDE..that's not how it works.

I came really close to cutting them this morning, it's pretty scary. The only reason I didn't was because I ended up texting the guy and telling him I had a great time and thanks for a fun night, and he said he had fun too, and wanted to see live music together.

I wish I didn't need someone else to make me feel worthwhile, or valued. I have a lot of heart work to do. Hah. Thanks everyone.. you're all beautiful too. We all have our bad days.