~In need of some love and support here~

oh, one more thing ....can i send you a video here of HIM from two months ago, I just want some feedback as to what you SEE and FEEL when you watch this video where he is telling me how he "feels the pain he put me through" this was before I found out he had signed up for a dozen different dating sites, contacted several of his exes in town, send 30 something messages to one woman on facebook (in town with him there) and posted on her fb wall "you are looking really good, can i take you out to coffee"? and sent his new cellphone number to her (this was in February)...and also before he had picked up some woman and went home with her and got drunk off his ass and called me to tell me about it, she was there with him on the phone when he called.... and some other stuff that no MARRIED man should be doing (to me, anyway)..... I just want to tell me what you see, if you would, would that be ok? or I can post it on HERE, this thread and after you watch it I will delete it....I could do it that way, also.

 

updated by @jesse-rose: 07/22/15 11:24:14AM

why notpost it on exposetheabuse but ifu want to post it here thats ok too

ill also show it to my freinds i told u about since thety been through it too

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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

Here is the video, ok it was done in March, after my birthday, a few days before our first anniversary ....since he made this he has gotten drunk alot and told me he no longer goes to AA, he's been going to AA for years and his PO told me he only goes so he can find women to pick up.  Well, he went enough to collect some women, so now  he's busy with them I would imagine, got himself a nice van, he's doing really good I guess. Problem is he has lied to me so much, I dont know what the truth is...and as far as him being nice in this video, I hardly ever get this...on the phone I dont get this, I get interrogated and put down... he just wants to know where I am and who I am with and acccuses me of being with men (which I am not) and having a boyfriend, etc, etc, etc, and then I get the mean and nasty voicemails calling me names, saying he is single .....saying he is out looking for someone else, saying i'm a piece of trash, a piece of $hit, the list goes on and on........so much negative that the positive gets lost in it....if that makes any sense. for every positive thing he says to me I must get 50 negative things said....this video doesn't even seem real to me. I dunno.

 

ok i will post it there too, can you give me the link to where i need to be at there? i will check back later, Ive got a few things to do...my life is kinda stressed right now, but this helping you will help me to focus on recovery and healing.....it really will...i actually would like to write a book some day...but i could start by making videos....first. I do photography, I'm trying to go forward with that also.

 

I just want some feedback on this video....if you want and maybe i will post it over there also, later on.  thanks so much. I am really doubting myself concerning myself..part of me wants to believe he really does love me....he says i havent given him a chance....  

ps One more thing I wanted to mention, his reading scriptures there, he has NEVER done that before nor has he ever prayed with me or with us together...he says no, he wont pray...but notice here ...trying to read something to me.  He had been putting me thru more hell calling me derogatory names in messages and on voicemail for posting videos by some Christians who happen to be black....so he has been railing me about that telling me I cant do that and spewing all his hate about the subject, yet comes on this video and says the OPPOSITE of what he has been saying to me behind the scenes.....can you say *crazy making????

well like i said with my freinds the 1 was accused of cheatting everytime she visited her kids

when shed come home from visiting her kids hed say 'hope you washed yoir pussy after giving blowjobs to at least a dozen men' 

really nasty people those narcisists

ok just watched it    well it seemed so planned out   i mean he had verses picked out just for emotional effect had a lil angel there  as a prop  had the coins there  as props

i think he thinks hes being sincere but hes been abusive amd drunk since this right

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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

he wants to make you crazy keep you off ba,lance and fee;ing like its all yoiur fault  www.exposetheabuse.com join then on yoir profile add the vid

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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

yes, he has called me drunk since then...several times and a few times left a few messages, really mean and nasty messages...you are right, mean and nasty people, say horrible horrible things, getting cut with a knife would cause less pain and heartache.     he isn't even coming clean in this video about all the nasty racist things he has said to me behind the scenes, trying to put on a good face, when that is not in his heart, not from what he has shown me.....not at all.

 

now he is trying to talk me into going to the rainbow gathering in july because it will be close to him, I asked him why is he interested in the Rainbow gathering now? got no response. he is trying to lure me there, it seems...half the people there have dreadlocks, he would never be able to handle it, anyway....      what a joke.

ok ill join that forum today, gotta get some things done while i can, first....i promise.

Classic behavior of someone who abuses .. The behavior will escalate because it is a downward spiral of guilt which he stuns with even stronger and more desperate acts that leads to stronger guilt.

The man will not treat you with respect and love untill he treats himself with the same. And it's NOT your job to fix him.

There is not even need for you to continue to think about him or talk about him. Your job is to concentrate on yourself, what your next step is in your own happiness, how to move forward on your path.

Simple exercise to break negative thought patterns and filling the brain with the ability to choose joy (I promise, it is simple):
Every morning when you wake up, write down five things you are grateful for. It can be anything that you sleep well, the sun shines, that you have acquired insight, that you have great friends, that you ate such a good dinner yesterday .. Anything. Write down, characterized in gratitude, tell them one aloud to yourself and read them several times during the day. At night reflect on them. You will soon notice that the more times you feel gratitude the more you will find to be thankful for.

Also, try every day to think 'today I'll do something I'll thank myself for tomorrow'. It does not have to be something grand every time. Write a letter to a friend maybe, allow yourself to stop and smile, take a bracing walk ...

 

Relax your jaw, making room for the tongue in your mouth. Breathe.

 

When your body is still, your thoughts become still and that is where you will find the answers.

 

And again, listen to the audiobook Choose Joy by Kay Pollak.

<3

(Pardon my spelling, english is not my first language.)