This is honestly why I'm so happy that my mate and I met online before meeting in person. We're both socially very awkward, and it gave us the chance to speak as we honestly wanted to without fear of judgement... we fell in love with each other's souls before we viewed a single picture. The result? While I can't speak for him, when I first saw a picture of him, it was just... it was perfect for me. I already loved him for who he was, so why would appearance matter? I don't know, I've always been the type of person to only find someone attractive or not attractive after getting to know their personality; as if everyone starts off at an equal level of attraction and their personality either detracts from their appearance or adds to it. It's kinda difficult to explain.I can understand Yoshi's points, however there's a fine line here. I'm all for speaking one's mind, but in the end you really have to look out for yourself. That's all there is to it. You have to be happy, and love yourself to really give love to another... so I think that if dreads will make you happy, then it's only adding that much more to the relationship, where as, giving up your happiness for his selfishness would only detract from it. I agree, there has to be a level of sacrifice... but never to the extent that it could harm the relationship by detracting self worth from either person. Usually though, it's just, as knotty said, fear of change and not knowing what the future holds. A serious conversation about what's happening, and involving him in your daily dread doings will probably open him up a bit. I know it worked on mine. He loves so much being involved in all the strange happenings of my hair... it's as if we've had kids or something, only without all the screaming!I'm just glad that he's still supporting you regardless. That support is crucial, and in the end, it's really all that matters.
Knottysleeves said: Yoshi makes some good points. It really depends on your priorities -- how much you're willing to compromise on in order to please your partner.
However, people change. When you start any relationship that involves physical attraction, it's unrealistic to hope or expect that your partner is always going to look the same. We all age... sometimes our politics change in ways that affect our appearance... and we all experiment with self-expression in one way or another.Change can be scary, and I suspect the OP's partner's reaction comes from a place of fear of the unknown -- wow, those dreads look really messy, are they always going to look like that? What will people think of her, and of me because I'm with her? Etc.An honest discussion of why & what the partner doesn't like about them would get to the, erm, root of the issue.
so i sat him down and we talked he just really loves how soft my hair normally is but he says if it means that much to me he will back me compleatly<3
