This is me.

I just made a post in general talk and decided to make another post here.

I am two weeks into my dread journey and I am already seeing the change,

not the change with my dreads, but the change with myself.

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD (post truamatic stress disorder), I am currently in therapy.

When I was a little girl, My grandfather sexually abused me. When I was a teenager, My dads partner ( he is gay) verbally and physically abused me. For the longest time i refused to believe my grandfather did anything to me, and I am still having difficulties remembering what happened, all i remember is being diagnosed with an STD when i was just eight years old, thank goodness it was treatable. I do, however, remember everything My dads partner said and did. He was always very mean to me and then one day he punched me, gave me a black eye, and I still thought i was going to be the one getting introuble for it. I moved out shortly after and to this day I still deal with the emotional abuse from that side of my family. hence the therapy. My dad got custody of me when I was nine years old. They said my mother was an unfit mother because at the time she had an undiagnosed illness. Come to find out she had something called Celiac disease, and if any of you know what that is, all it means is she cannot eat gluten. how that makes her an unfit mother is beyond me, so we moved in with my granparents, because my dad really didn't want us, us being my brother and I) and to be honest, my entire life is a blur. except for before the court battle, when everything was peaceful and i had the best family anyone could ask for, but that all ended.

I recently, (june 2011) moved back in with my mom. I 20 years old. 19 at the time. I don't know what took me so long,

before i made this decision, on my own, it was never an option. I always did what others asked me to do, i never made my own decisions, someone else always made them for me. Someone picked out my clothes, in highschool i wanted to take pre calculus but my father told me that there was no way i would pass and made me drop the class, I grew up in the church of christ and then was told that if i ever stepped foot into another church other than the church of christ tht i would burn in hell. needless to say, i don't believe in god anymore,

I am my own person, and two weeks ago decided to start growing dreadlocks. these two weeks have changed me and I am so very excited to see how they continue to change me. I am finding out who I am and its all new to me. I feel like a child all over again.

updated by @sunshine: 01/13/15 09:11:21PM

it amazes me how often when ppl say stuff like "i had alot of crap in my life" 9 times out of 10 i can guess fairly accurately many of the details

and this is the reason i suggested you come out and talk abouit it because 3/4 of those times the details are very silmular

a family member..or 2 or more that you should have been able to try=ust abused you verbaly physicaly or sexualy or all of the above

and then made you feel like it was all your fault

making you feel all alone

well

i have talked to enough victims in my life to be able to teell you you are not..especialy among women

if your in a room with 6 women at least 2 had been through something simular more likely 3

close to 40-50%

the problem being out of the 3 at most 1 might admit it or talk about it

more likely 1 in 20

so it feels like your all anone when really 1/2 the women you know went througbh it too without ever telling a soul..suffering in sillence

your other post said u used to look down on ppl like these but i have a feeling this is just what u need

i'll leave you with 1 simple thing

your past shapes who you've been

but your pressent shapes who you will become

the worse past could make your life miserable for many years but

when in the pressent you change that life you change the future you will have

so when yiu dreaded you were reborn you can live a new lkife from this day on

make it a good one

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

this made me smile. i definatley will. thanks SE.