Dreadlock depression?

Okay, so I started dreading my hair about 5 months ago, and so far I am very pleased with the way they look so loopy and you can really start to tell they're locking up Well, last night my boyfriend and dad sat down with me and I chatted with them about how excited I was with my dreads and how they were all different, all precious to me. Because I had layered hair before I started, a lot of them are quite wispy and different sizes, thicknesses and some are quite longer than others, but I liked that. They're not too dramatically different.. Or so I thought..While I rambled on about my dreads, my dad interrupted me and said, "Honestly, I don't think they look that good. They're messy, you have a lot of loose hairs, its poofy, and it doesn't look right." Immediately before I could say anything more my boyfriend shot out with "Yeah, they don't look very good. I wish you had your old hair." I sat there, a bit bewildered and lost. While I teared up my dad mentioned "Hey, its not so bad..I'll pay someone to help you with them..or we can try to find someone who knows how to do them professionally."I glared at them both. "Oh, really? How am I supposed to find someone 'professional' to not dump wax in my hair, twist them around and call them dreads? Is there even such thing as 'professional dreads'!? I'm not trying to look like Lil Wayne! Why the hell didn't you offer to help me when I was doing them myself? And now what, I spent 5 months waiting..ever so patiently for this hair that I'm so proud of and the two people in the world I care most for is telling me I look like crap?""Jess its not so bad. You'll just have to start some of them over, try something else.."I started crying. I honestly didn't think I could get so emotional over my hair. I'm so lost. I have no idea what to do. I feel so ugly. Like I should just shave off my hair..or comb them out..if my hair could survive that.. I wanted nice dreads, and I was willing to wait. Patience was the least of my worries. But with no mental support (or physical ) I feel like I'm just doing this by myself. Like my dad and boyfriend are just watching me mess up my hair for amusement? I have no idea. Gosh, my hair is so important to me. It always has been. I have no idea why. Crap I'm rambling again. Ugh, please, someone, anyone please please PLEASE help. I love my dreadies so much and I want to keep them..but if they really do look not so great, I want to know if there might be someone I could hire to do them right..? Or some way I could keep them as they are..?Sigh. I never thought a hairstyle could cause so much conflict..
updated by @jessica-arnold: 02/14/15 06:26:29AM

Keep them as they are, 5 months in is a good amount of time and they're well on their way. I backcombed mine and mine are tight and knotty and definitely not to be confused with some other hairstyle at this time. Check out my timeline pics.I also had to deal with people trying to tell me what to do and that they looked "not right", but unfortunately for those people IDGAF what they say any day of the week. I didn't like having to explain it to random strangers when I went out so I would put it in a tam, but now random strangers like my dreads.When I was only about 2 months in my partner's old professor from college visited and saw my fluffy mess in all it's glory and called them dreads. That was inspiration that at least SHE knew what was going on.It is hard, and I hate hiding them (but I hate more people asking me about them) and in due time they're definitely done. There will always be floofy/frizzy parts, just like in regular hair, but no professional will be able to do any maintenance to them at this young age that won't mess them up.I loved my dreads for their unique loops and bumps, also, and kinda got sad when the loops or bumps shrunk up and were less unique, but it's getting to that solid locked stage and shrinkage, which was the point of the journey, so it's still totally worth it. The loopy bumpy stage is the most fun stage, because your hair looks so wild and original. At least that's how I felt. People like to touch it at that stage, and the texture is very fun to feel.

As a woman, i think we catch more crap for our appearance than men do. We have a higher and more ridiculous standard of beauty that we're constantly being measured against.its your hair. your body. and your decision.and hopefully, you didnt start this process in an effort to impress people.if someone doesnt like the way you look - that is their problem, not yours.you should not be expected to constantly subject yourself to "treatments" in order to fit SOMEONE ELSES definition of what looks good!!!!!!and im tellin you right now...if you start trying to appease other people...THEY will never be happy. and neither will you.How can you be expected to look how someone else wants you to!??!how do YOU want to look?thats all that is important.and if you've been feeling proud, and really diggin on your hair, then that is all that matters!!dont ever let someone else steal your joy, or change your opinion of yourself.rock it strong, Proud Mary - keep on rollin.don't shed one more tear.

I never intended to do my dreads to impress other people..but I figured I'd at least have my Dad and boyfriends support.. I think thats what threw me off. Thank you so much for reminding me that it is entirely my decision.

Eva Deva said:

As a woman, i think we catch more crap for our appearance than men do. We have a higher and more ridiculous standard of beauty that we're constantly being measured against.
its your hair. your body. and your decision.
and hopefully, you didnt start this process in an effort to impress people.
if someone doesnt like the way you look - that is their problem, not yours.
you should not be expected to constantly subject yourself to "treatments" in order to fit SOMEONE ELSES definition of what looks good!!!!!!

and im tellin you right now...if you start trying to appease other people...THEY will never be happy. and neither will you.
How can you be expected to look how someone else wants you to!??!
how do YOU want to look?
thats all that is important.
and if you've been feeling proud, and really diggin on your hair, then that is all that matters!!
dont ever let someone else steal your joy, or change your opinion of yourself.
rock it strong, Proud Mary - keep on rollin.
don't shed one more tear.

yeah, i understand totally...especially since they waited five months before telling you.my family told me they would disown me if i ever got dreads - i got them anyways, and for the most part, they all like them. so, things change sometimes...and to be honest - sometimes dreads DO decrease our, um, attractiveness factor?you know? like obviously it changes the appearance. and many times it looks more unkempt than the standard polished look that other hairstyles afford.but, once people get in to them and understand the Heart of the Matter behind the "hairstyle" it becomes much more appealing.keep doin your thing, and maybe your Best Beloveds will catch the vibe and acknowledge the beauty of it.

Jessica Arnold said:

I never intended to do my dreads to impress other people..but I figured I'd at least have my Dad and boyfriends support.. I think thats what threw me off. Thank you so much for reminding me that it is entirely my decision.

Eva Deva said:

As a woman, i think we catch more crap for our appearance than men do. We have a higher and more ridiculous standard of beauty that we're constantly being measured against.
its your hair. your body. and your decision.
and hopefully, you didnt start this process in an effort to impress people.
if someone doesnt like the way you look - that is their problem, not yours.
you should not be expected to constantly subject yourself to "treatments" in order to fit SOMEONE ELSES definition of what looks good!!!!!!

and im tellin you right now...if you start trying to appease other people...THEY will never be happy. and neither will you.
How can you be expected to look how someone else wants you to!??!
how do YOU want to look?
thats all that is important.
and if you've been feeling proud, and really diggin on your hair, then that is all that matters!!
dont ever let someone else steal your joy, or change your opinion of yourself.
rock it strong, Proud Mary - keep on rollin.
don't shed one more tear.

never let ANYONE steal your happiness.as you said, you LOVE your dreads, they are precious to YOU. don't forget that.

I think it might also have to do with where I live as well.. Around here the only dreads you would ever see would be on African Americans, due to the texture of their hair they all look neat, perfect, straight..And because they (my family) see so many of those I think they didn't fully understand the concept of mine. Plus, like what you mentioned earlier.. Women seem to get judged on their appearance quite a lot more then guys and for my age especially that is a big factor. Usually if there are young women with dreadlocks (where I'm from) they're african american. Its not every day you see a 16 year old white girl who lives in the city with a hairstyle like that. But dreadlocks are so unique and beautiful, I have a feeling its not the hairstyle causing conflict, just people. Thank you for reminding me.

Eva Deva said:

yeah, i understand totally...especially since they waited five months before telling you.
my family told me they would disown me if i ever got dreads - i got them anyways, and for the most part, they all like them. so, things change sometimes...
and to be honest - sometimes dreads DO decrease our, um, attractiveness factor?
you know? like obviously it changes the appearance. and many times it looks more unkempt than the standard polished look that other hairstyles afford.
but, once people get in to them and understand the Heart of the Matter behind the "hairstyle" it becomes much more appealing.
keep doin your thing, and maybe your Best Beloveds will catch the vibe and acknowledge the beauty of it.



Jessica Arnold said:

I never intended to do my dreads to impress other people..but I figured I'd at least have my Dad and boyfriends support.. I think thats what threw me off. Thank you so much for reminding me that it is entirely my decision.

Eva Deva said:

As a woman, i think we catch more crap for our appearance than men do. We have a higher and more ridiculous standard of beauty that we're constantly being measured against.
its your hair. your body. and your decision.
and hopefully, you didnt start this process in an effort to impress people.
if someone doesnt like the way you look - that is their problem, not yours.
you should not be expected to constantly subject yourself to "treatments" in order to fit SOMEONE ELSES definition of what looks good!!!!!!

and im tellin you right now...if you start trying to appease other people...THEY will never be happy. and neither will you.
How can you be expected to look how someone else wants you to!??!
how do YOU want to look?
thats all that is important.
and if you've been feeling proud, and really diggin on your hair, then that is all that matters!!
dont ever let someone else steal your joy, or change your opinion of yourself.
rock it strong, Proud Mary - keep on rollin.
don't shed one more tear.

you love them thats all that mattersyour dad and boyfreind are ignorant and theyre opinions shouldnt matter what u love is all that matters]'if they cant accepyt that thats theyre problembnd u should tell them that..you are happy with how they look and they look exactly like they should..they can either accept it or reject it but they have no right to critisize it and make u feel like shit


--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

It hurts when the people we love and expect to understand hurt us...most of the time it's not intentional and in a weird way they honestly think they are helping you by saying something that can be hurtful. When I started to grow my hair a few years ago my dad said I look stupid...funny but from my dad it was normal he would run me down a lot when I was a kid. Your dad and bf probably thought that they where 'helping' by saying that, the important thing is that your are who you want to be regardless of what they might think. Hang in there.

Hello Jessica,You have put a good 5 months into growing your dreads, who by the way look nice to me. Give yourself another 5 months and see how they look. They are going to change so much from now till then. I would just let your father and boyfriend know that you want to put some more time into growing them, that you are doing this for yourself and you would like there support in doing so. Simple. Look at my time line too. Mine are messy here and there...for sure. I do pull the up from time to time. Wear them in different ways and it is when I had them down with all their loops, zig zags hanging out for all to see...is when I had a woman walk by me in the grocery store, she turned around and came up to me to tell me that she really LIKED my dreads. What a nice jester. Soooo calm down, I think it is really nice that your family gives you their option...that is all it is...an option...one that is different than yours. I know mine look like crap at time, but I know that they will grow into what I am waiting for...mature dreads in time.Peace and enjoy your family and dread journey...that is what it is a journeyI really like your black hair, they are really going to great when they are older. Hang in there girlfriend.This momma has dreads :-}