Special capacities, "gifts", shamanic way... I'm confused

Hello there. I've been away for more than a month, and I missed you. I had to deal with some intense family issues, but everything has been taking care of, so I'm back.

So, I have something troubling me. Since I was a kid, I've been told countless times I am to be a shaman, a priestess or something like that. People have been calling me a witch for many years, wich I find amusing. But this goes deeper than amusement. I do fit with the shaman's definition. I come from a family of mediums and natural healers and I've been instructed to this since very young. And my father, if he wouldn't prefer to call himself a Lightworker, could definitely be called a shaman.

The thing is, I'm scared. I'm scared to accept all this. I'm scared to be seen as a freak. I've been through alot during High School because of this side of me. And when I could finally walk away from my village, I rejected all this stuff. But even though I've been trying to escape my true self, it just always came back to me in the most unexpected ways. I also been pretty sick in the last years, and wise people have been telling me it's because I keep rejecting myself, my "mission", my "gifts". Maybe they are right. I don't know. I'm really scared about all this, because I don't feel I have what it takes to be what I'm supposed to be supposed to be. And most of all, I'm scared of accepting it, and then not being able to help people.

Well, that's about it. I'm scared. And confused. And I've been without a mentor for 2 years now, so I don't really have anybody to talk about this with. I'm hoping to have your opinion about this. Should I accept my "fate"? Should I go all out? Or should I keep fleeing? And maybe, just like I met the right person to help me with my writing issues on here, I'll also find someone to give me the right advice about this issue

Love to all of you, beautiful people.

updated by @la-renarde: 11/10/15 08:25:24PM

theres always going to be people who wont believe, who will call you freak or crazy. Theres also a bunch of beautiful people who are like you , and believe in you and need you. dont think too far into future, stay present and let the universe guide you .

As children our parents always try to direct us to what they believe will be best for us as adults. I think you should do what makes you happy. Your parents should love you regardless of the choice you make but you are the one who will ultimately live with the decision. This will affect the rest of your life...and your children's. I couldn't imagine my daughter growing up to be what I asked if it meant her unhappiness. That would destroy me. I think once you find your inner peace and do what you desire that hopefully your health will improve as well. I have health issues as well and I do notice that my happiness does have an effect on my well being. Good luck to you and I hope you get well soon!!!

neither go all out nor hide from it

if you simply stop running away from it you will let it be a part of you but not define you

im blessed to know 10s of thousands of lightworkers shammans healers etc and they are truly amazing people

your parents who were shamanistic..got alot of respect i bet? people saught them out for guidence?

was that a bad thing?

i think you went through shit in school like most of us that made you afraid to be an individual to stand out and not be such a conformist that you "fit in' wich just means blending in ..not being unique in any way

well high schools over now its time to be you...

dont be afraid its what your meant to do

this doesnt mean you need to wear a loincloth and tribal mask and live in a cave ..just find yoir own way dont be afraid of being diferent ..actualy embrace it it makes you who you are wether thats a shaman or anything else..it dont matter as long as u live without fear and feel like yoir doing what your supoed to be doing

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

Thanks for your reply.

Lucid, you are so right about living the present. I tend to forget to simply do that.

Brandi, sorry if I wasn't clear. My parents never forced me to do this, or study this. On the contrary, I've always been quite happy in this kind of world. They love me, whatever I chose to do or to be. I would really be proud and happy to be a shaman. It's just that I'm afraid to take this responsibility. Because I don't feel wise enough to be someone others seek for guidance. Thanks for your concern, you certainly are right about it being my, and mine only, choice and happiness.

SE, thanks. You always find the right thing to say. I never quite thought about it before, but this is true that my parents always were deeply respected by others. People used to come to our house for help, opinions, healing sessions and guidance. And I felt really proud about it. But proud in a deeply humble way. It just felt so right to me, to be a part of this. I felt at home. And I truly wish to feel at home again. I'm working hard to get rid of all my fears and trust myself more. I talked about all this a bit with my mom today, and she offered me her help. I think I'll try to visit my parents soon, to go back to my spiritual roots and learn from my first teachers once again. Thank you very much.

I think you are right. I need to heal myself first, then what must happen will happen. I'm not running away anymore. I've come to accept what I am. I'm still afraid, but less and less. I'm even beginning to not care about what people may think about me. And it's been a really long time since I felt this way. I changed my name to one that fits my life path better and I really feel the change. I trust it will be more and more benefiting to me as I become habituated to be the new me. Thanks for your reply