Who Am I?

Hi Everyone,

So glad I found you. I apologize in advance if this gets long and winding. A little about myself. I'm a mom, wife, daughter, niece, friend, co worker. I have wanted dreadlocks since the mid 90's. I guess that was the first time I was around people who had them.. i thought they were beautiful. I guess life took over after that. Through the years the thought would come and go. Whenever I would bring up the subject with my love ones there was always a negative reaction on their part. A few years back I mentioned dreads to my kids and they actually started crying! At one point I researched dreads and thought I couldn't afford them!

Life has taken many twists and turns, as life tends to do. At the start of this year I decided to stop blaming others for MY unhappiness and really take a look at myself. I can tell you that I am a much happier person than i was a mere 3 months ago. Once again the thought of Dreadlocks creeped back into my head. In the past I was always so worried about what other people would think. Not anymore.. Not sure where that worry went.. but glad its gone. Found this web site.. I made the decision yesterday. Today is day 1. Did I mention how impatient I am? I'm hoping through this process to maybe gain some patience.. and to also find out who i am and better understand myself.

Today I am feeling emotional. I really cant say why.. I mean I cant pin point it to my hair. I woke up with some worries.. hopped on here, read a bit and felt better... but emotional.. which isnt necessarily a bad thing.

I picked my teen daughter up this evening and she asked me what was "Up" with my hair. It already looks different. I told her I decided to stop brushing it. After a few more questions I told her I have started the dreadlock process. She made the announcement tonight at dinner. There was some talk about dreads being dirty, questions about how long it would take. Hubby seems to think that we wont be able to go anywhere "nice". so all in all a good day. excited to start this journey.. i know it won't be easy.. but will be worth it!

Love to all,

April

updated by @april-n: 01/13/15 09:51:18PM

It's great that you're happy with them. Let your hubby know that locks don't stop you from doing anything. There have been NASA scientists with locks. We have military officers with them, Business men, Teachers, etc... The only thing stopping you from going somewhere nice is you. You're hair can't control your life. It's just hair

welcome ask hubby whats so "nice" abiut these places if theyd not alow u to go just based on how you look

"nice" is accepting understanding and welcoming no matter what

if u cant go just cause u have dreads then that place cannot be defined as nice

i think hes confusing fancy with nice the most beautiful holiwood actress can be the meanest nastiesat bitch but still look pretty and the sperficial fools will still think being her friends worthwhile

this is your hubbies entality hes thinking these fancy exclusive clubs that turn ppl away based on income style and skin tone are "nice" just cause of a polished look but doesnt look deeper

ive had my dreads for 23 years in the past while helping organize peace march westayed in this retreat house that had crystall..hand carved crystal banisters hand tooled leather walpaper ..it was like a musueam or castle but6 while staying there in this "nice" mansion where every chair was worth 500k and on the holiday they had a 4 story chistmas tree and a life sized 5 or 6 foot tall angel on top (yes the main hall was that large) while staying in this place on properthy valued at 60 million we were treatted with notyhing bu t respect

point being what makes a place "nice" is how they treat you not how it looks or how fancy or expensive it is

ill take ya someday to the nicest place on the planet and they dont have flushing tiolets or hot running water but are nice as nice can be

(and there are dreads everywhere u look too)

--
My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

As a husband I had the conversation with my wife first. I am my wife's and she is mine. I reflect on her as she does me. We talked showed pictures, possibilities of what my hair could look like etc. It sounds more like your husband was just not happy with the idea of dreadlocks because of misconceptions.

For my wife once I mentioned them, in her own words, "(I) She pictured some dirty hippy white kids with dirty looking hair" My wife is white by the way, and a naval officer-I have yet to meet one with dreads in 10 years( an on a quick note my wife says that cornrows are allowed but not dreads. IF they are then they have to be a certain length and clean and presentable, and be able to be put up.), but a lot of Americans, including one hot forum topic here, do not think of good looking dreadlocks. They picture the stereotypical burn out college kid. Sad but true, my own wife couldn't picture a black person with dreads.

I, and Im one of the most conservative here I'm finding, say take a good conversation with your husband, it may be a really long one, mine was 3 months. But the journey is a TON easier when your spouse supports you. We talked about it long enough that even my kids want them!

Everyone loves the , my body, my hair.. but when we are married it isn't just about us. And your husband, I guess the better question is do you go to nice places now that require dress codes etc..? I've been to some places where you had to be clean shaven to get in. He might also fear other perceiving you as the stereotype and including him in it. In the long run it isn't what others think and feel, but in the short run how people react to you makes certain steps in life less difficult.

Not being racist, or subjugating women, or anything, but rather saying, as a husband I would really like it if my wife spoke to me first. And out of respect I spoke to my wife first. It would be great and dandy if we all lived in a world where we could express ourselves however we want and be accepted and accepting (ironically most people who want to be accepted don't accept others values etc..) but we don't so we should strive to live at peace with all men when possible

Hello sister!

I'm very happy to hear you have decided to join this journey.

Okay, i just wanna share something if it helps even a bit.

I am 15 old with dreadlocks (4 months now)

I used to be a person with huge EGO. Now i don't have any.

I don't mind, i am happy now.

There is a reason they call this journey, but don't worry Sis, everything is going to be alright, just don't doubt u r self. In deep you know that this is right.

I asked my mother for half a year for dreadlocks, she said they were ugly, dirty, even my 20 year old sister said same thing, nobody in my relatives wanted to see them.

Now 4 months later, even my mother said my dreadlocks look good, and SMELL GREAT! (thanks to dreadlockshampoo.com) <3

My hair is very representive if needed, and my friends like them, eventho i used to get questions like "what happened to u r hair" and all dat, but now these comments don't hurt anymore.

Do what you want, life is way too short to be wasted on other peoples oppinions.

Hope this helped even a bit.

Jah bless.

While I don't always agree with your statements, Java, this one is dead on! When I started my journey, my husband was nearing the end of his 17 year Naval career (midigating circumstances ended it 3 years prematurely). I feel that I am a direct reflection of him, especially then when we lived/shopped on base, we or I could run into any number of people that could make or break his promotions! At any rate, I made sure that he was completely on board before I began. It was actually him who pushed me towards starting sooner rather than later! He has since been medically separated and he has not had a hair cut or shaved since 6/2012! I guess my point is, marriage it a partnership and you absolutely have to consider the others feelings before moving forward.

JavaLizard said:

As a husband I had the conversation with my wife first. I am my wife's and she is mine. I reflect on her as she does me. We talked showed pictures, possibilities of what my hair could look like etc. It sounds more like your husband was just not happy with the idea of dreadlocks because of misconceptions.

For my wife once I mentioned them, in her own words, "(I) She pictured some dirty hippy white kids with dirty looking hair" My wife is white by the way, and a naval officer-I have yet to meet one with dreads in 10 years( an on a quick note my wife says that cornrows are allowed but not dreads. IF they are then they have to be a certain length and clean and presentable, and be able to be put up.), but a lot of Americans, including one hot forum topic here, do not think of good looking dreadlocks. They picture the stereotypical burn out college kid. Sad but true, my own wife couldn't picture a black person with dreads.

I, and Im one of the most conservative here I'm finding, say take a good conversation with your husband, it may be a really long one, mine was 3 months. But the journey is a TON easier when your spouse supports you. We talked about it long enough that even my kids want them!

Everyone loves the , my body, my hair.. but when we are married it isn't just about us. And your husband, I guess the better question is do you go to nice places now that require dress codes etc..? I've been to some places where you had to be clean shaven to get in. He might also fear other perceiving you as the stereotype and including him in it. In the long run it isn't what others think and feel, but in the short run how people react to you makes certain steps in life less difficult.

Not being racist, or subjugating women, or anything, but rather saying, as a husband I would really like it if my wife spoke to me first. And out of respect I spoke to my wife first. It would be great and dandy if we all lived in a world where we could express ourselves however we want and be accepted and accepting (ironically most people who want to be accepted don't accept others values etc..) but we don't so we should strive to live at peace with all men when possible

I'm sure most people hate what I think. What can I say I am not liberal or conservative. I try to look at that middle line. Often times it is the cry for rationalism that people hate the most. But thank you for putting that aside to hear/read me out on this one.

If you look at all my posts you will see my arguments usually fall in the middle or slightly towards what keeps the peace better. I feel that the family unit should never be guided by an outside force. I think all things in the family should go into that unit first, second and until peace isn't possible.

fire dancer said:

While I don't always agree with your statements, Java, this one is dead on! When I started my journey, my husband was nearing the end of his 17 year Naval career (midigating circumstances ended it 3 years prematurely). I feel that I am a direct reflection of him, especially then when we lived/shopped on base, we or I could run into any number of people that could make or break his promotions! At any rate, I made sure that he was completely on board before I began. It was actually him who pushed me towards starting sooner rather than later! He has since been medically separated and he has not had a hair cut or shaved since 6/2012! I guess my point is, marriage it a partnership and you absolutely have to consider the others feelings before moving forward.

JavaLizard said:

As a husband I had the conversation with my wife first. I am my wife's and she is mine. I reflect on her as she does me. We talked showed pictures, possibilities of what my hair could look like etc. It sounds more like your husband was just not happy with the idea of dreadlocks because of misconceptions.

For my wife once I mentioned them, in her own words, "(I) She pictured some dirty hippy white kids with dirty looking hair" My wife is white by the way, and a naval officer-I have yet to meet one with dreads in 10 years( an on a quick note my wife says that cornrows are allowed but not dreads. IF they are then they have to be a certain length and clean and presentable, and be able to be put up.), but a lot of Americans, including one hot forum topic here, do not think of good looking dreadlocks. They picture the stereotypical burn out college kid. Sad but true, my own wife couldn't picture a black person with dreads.

I, and Im one of the most conservative here I'm finding, say take a good conversation with your husband, it may be a really long one, mine was 3 months. But the journey is a TON easier when your spouse supports you. We talked about it long enough that even my kids want them!

Everyone loves the , my body, my hair.. but when we are married it isn't just about us. And your husband, I guess the better question is do you go to nice places now that require dress codes etc..? I've been to some places where you had to be clean shaven to get in. He might also fear other perceiving you as the stereotype and including him in it. In the long run it isn't what others think and feel, but in the short run how people react to you makes certain steps in life less difficult.

Not being racist, or subjugating women, or anything, but rather saying, as a husband I would really like it if my wife spoke to me first. And out of respect I spoke to my wife first. It would be great and dandy if we all lived in a world where we could express ourselves however we want and be accepted and accepting (ironically most people who want to be accepted don't accept others values etc..) but we don't so we should strive to live at peace with all men when possible

Just because I don't often agree with you doesn't mean that I don't respect your opinion...

sorry to get off topic, WELCOME April! I am so glad you have joined us

JavaLizard said:

I'm sure most people hate what I think. What can I say I am not liberal or conservative. I try to look at that middle line. Often times it is the cry for rationalism that people hate the most. But thank you for putting that aside to hear/read me out on this one.

If you look at all my posts you will see my arguments usually fall in the middle or slightly towards what keeps the peace better. I feel that the family unit should never be guided by an outside force. I think all things in the family should go into that unit first, second and until peace isn't possible.

fire dancer said:

While I don't always agree with your statements, Java, this one is dead on! When I started my journey, my husband was nearing the end of his 17 year Naval career (midigating circumstances ended it 3 years prematurely). I feel that I am a direct reflection of him, especially then when we lived/shopped on base, we or I could run into any number of people that could make or break his promotions! At any rate, I made sure that he was completely on board before I began. It was actually him who pushed me towards starting sooner rather than later! He has since been medically separated and he has not had a hair cut or shaved since 6/2012! I guess my point is, marriage it a partnership and you absolutely have to consider the others feelings before moving forward.

JavaLizard said:

As a husband I had the conversation with my wife first. I am my wife's and she is mine. I reflect on her as she does me. We talked showed pictures, possibilities of what my hair could look like etc. It sounds more like your husband was just not happy with the idea of dreadlocks because of misconceptions.

For my wife once I mentioned them, in her own words, "(I) She pictured some dirty hippy white kids with dirty looking hair" My wife is white by the way, and a naval officer-I have yet to meet one with dreads in 10 years( an on a quick note my wife says that cornrows are allowed but not dreads. IF they are then they have to be a certain length and clean and presentable, and be able to be put up.), but a lot of Americans, including one hot forum topic here, do not think of good looking dreadlocks. They picture the stereotypical burn out college kid. Sad but true, my own wife couldn't picture a black person with dreads.

I, and Im one of the most conservative here I'm finding, say take a good conversation with your husband, it may be a really long one, mine was 3 months. But the journey is a TON easier when your spouse supports you. We talked about it long enough that even my kids want them!

Everyone loves the , my body, my hair.. but when we are married it isn't just about us. And your husband, I guess the better question is do you go to nice places now that require dress codes etc..? I've been to some places where you had to be clean shaven to get in. He might also fear other perceiving you as the stereotype and including him in it. In the long run it isn't what others think and feel, but in the short run how people react to you makes certain steps in life less difficult.

Not being racist, or subjugating women, or anything, but rather saying, as a husband I would really like it if my wife spoke to me first. And out of respect I spoke to my wife first. It would be great and dandy if we all lived in a world where we could express ourselves however we want and be accepted and accepting (ironically most people who want to be accepted don't accept others values etc..) but we don't so we should strive to live at peace with all men when possible

April, it is wonderful that you are allowing yourself to fulfill your desire to have dreads. We as mothers tend to look a certain way for our spouses, children and the other parents out there, and even for our employers. We stay with the "norm" of things to please others. I waited until I was 49, what a shame, but better late than never. It took me that long to feel that I could be my true self, not what others wanted. The journey was not always easy, and yes, family does still make the odd comment because my journey is not finished yet, but I don't care, I have the vision of beautiful locks and they do not. My words of wisdom is to be strong, never give in to anyone's comments, and if you loose faith with your journey, just envision them 3 years from now. Once they are mature, you will have beautiful dreads for life. Some days you may look at your forming dreads and see a complete mess, maybe they will even get you a little down, on those days just stop looking in the mirror, put on a hat or tam and know that tomorrow will be a new day. Have a fantastic, amazing and eye opening journey.....Peace

WOW! Thank you all for the amazing welcome. I have to tell you.. Yesterday when I saw Hubby, he walked up to me with the biggest smile, gave me a huge hug and asked me how my hair was doing! This isnt something I decided to do over night.. Hubby has been hearing me talk about dreads for a long time( 1995 i believe) At one point(years ago) he told me to do it.. my response was Im not ready. Barrelllady, I am 39 and finally feel like I can be me. I know it wont be easy. Last night I had to take my daughter to girl scouts.. messy hair and all. It was fine, I was fine. As for my hair.. it's really not doing anything.. and I'm fine with that! Again thank you ALL for the welcome.

much love

april