So, I stuck this in the general talk as I wasn't too sure where else it would go. It's partially dread related, but not so much as a whole.So, for those of you who aren't aware, my family went through a nasty divorce when I was 18 (I'm 21 now). When I say 'nasty' I don't mean that it was just a bad divorce, I mean that it was a divorce that was twisted, and deranged, and excessively painful for most of the parties involved. To give a brief run down of what happened, my mother framed my father for attempted homicide of herself, my half-sister (another shocker that she let fly during the divorce, my sister is not my father's child) and I so that she could get away with her newest adulterous relationship and try to make this break of a 30 year relationship with my father to look as if it was all his fault (i.e. he's a crazy drunk that tried to kill me and my kids). At the time, during all the chaos, I didn't question what was happening, and played right into my mother's lies. After the divorce was over (and I had time to think for myself without my mother feeding me lies, half-truths, and skewed parts of certain situations from the past 10 years or so) I started realizing that I had just taken part in something so terrible, I could hardly fathom the true depth and evil of it all. I moved out, and to California to escape my mother's tyranny (when my SSI check from my father stopped showing up as I turned 18 and graduated highschool, she started demanding insane sums of money from me for things that she had given me and 'basic' living expenses knowing that I couldn't hold anything but a temp. job because of the crappy economy) and to be with the one I love. Since then, about 3 years ago, I have hardly spoken to my mother or half-sister. When I speak to my mother, I get maybe 10 mins before she has something better to do... that's also about the time that she finds out that I have no money...so I'm of no use to her. When I speak to my half-sister, she turns everything into a 'my balls are bigger' type of game. This is where my issue today starts:I was speaking to my sister through facebook. She had posted something about having to do laundry, and I commented that my plate was full as well, with laundry, groceries, rent, ect. and all on a very tight budget. I didn't think that this was anything that would start a fight. Oh how wrong I was. In the end, she ended up saying something along the lines of " I can't help it that you're my disgusting sister who chose to live in poverty in California rather than live in moderate luxury in Alabama...and for what? A cripple that can't dance with you? or carry you over the threshold when your married?" she proceeded to tell me that regardless of my time out in the 'real world' I knew nothing, and was completely ignorant to her struggle. Why is it, that when I try to help her out, she completely resents it, makes it all about her, and then further informs me that I'm a disgusting, ignorant fool that knows nothing about life? I'm sitting here so confused, hurt and honestly just in a state of pure mental chaos. My father keeps telling me that I should 'do the next right thing, for the next right reason' and keep sticking my neck out for her and my mother, because 'they need me, even if they don't want to admit it' and I'll ' have to make amends one day soon'. I don't know what to do... I don't know what to say. She's the only person that ever causes me to be angry... literally. I had a 'friend' steal my SS card and sell it for drugs and then lie to me about it... but I was only sad, never angry with him. Why is it that she shows me so much animosity, when I'm trying so hard to just get along with her?
updated by @faelwynn: 02/17/18 01:27:02PM
Strange family issues...
shes in a mess and doesnt know any other way to deal with it except lash out at you for escapingthats pretty ugly shit she saidif i were u i would just say i dont need this shot and close the door tell her your willingt to speak when she learns how to behaVE BUT UNTIL THEN YOU WONT BE TRYING U WONT BE CALLING U WILL JUST BE LIVING AND BEING HAPPY ON YOUR OWNsrry capsand wellas for where to put this..life issues would be the place in the forums, but, even better would be the keeping it friendly group i creatted just fir when u need a friends advicehugs faeyour sis is toxic.. its probbly not her fault, but she needs to detox from all the crap so shes not oozing toxic sluge from every orificehealling has to be a choiceso does refusing to be hurt anymore
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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1
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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1
We know she's toxic...she's toxic and my mother's a leech. Problem is, my mate and I are trying to purge toxic relationships from our lives... that toxicity only leeches to other relationships when it's left unchecked....hence our adamant attempts to remove it from our lives. It's just difficult I suppose... leaves me in a very strange position... soaringeagle said:
shes in a mess and doesnt know any other way to deal with it except lash out at you for escaping
thats pretty ugly shit she said
if i were u i would just say i dont need this shot and close the door tell her your willingt to speak when she learns how to behaVE BUT UNTIL THEN YOU WONT BE TRYING U WONT BE CALLING U WILL JUST BE LIVING AND BEING HAPPY ON YOUR OWN
srry caps
and well
as for where to put this..life issues would be the place in the forums, but, even better would be the keeping it friendly group i creatted just fir when u need a friends advice
hugs fae
your sis is toxic.. its probbly not her fault, but she needs to detox from all the crap so shes not oozing toxic sluge from every orifice
healling has to be a choice
so does refusing to be hurt anymore
For some reason on Facebook everyone is REALLY jumpy and hurt easily but yet offends everyone....its insane....it's the worlds biggest highschool.A friend of mine was happy for her friend and posted it and people started jumping on her saying she shouldn't make others feel bad! She was like WTF I was making my friend feel good and celebrating her success!Well anyways it sounds like you made the right move for this period in your life.
i think you need to look out for yourself. in my opinion it'd be healthy to limit or end communication with them(at least for now). i'm sorry that sounds pretty rough.
these experiences sound very hurtful and chaotic, they make you think about things maybe you didn't think about before, and change you.I would never want to tell someone what to do but I do agree with the advice of some other members and even yourself.You don't need those kinds of relationships in your life because they do infect and spread.I guess the only time you might know if they've changed is if one day they call and apologize.. but the thing is, with all the crap they seem to put you through, you shouldn't have to be the one trying to make things work, they should, if they really want to.till then I wouldn't want that in my life either.
As hard as it may be, right now, you may just need some distance because trying to be the person that keeps doing the "right" thing by talking with them is only draining your own energy and letting chaos and negativity into your life. They try to remove their own pain and negative hate by passing it onto you. There are so many people like this, and my family is very similar, but different.I don't even speak to my brother anymore because he is such a ball of negativity and hate that no matter what I say, he says something rude or stupid, and none of it is useful or even close to what a "normal" person would constitute as "normal". He's 36 so I can't blame it on youth any longer. Lesson was, time to move on, since he's not ready to do it, he has to stay in his broken place without me. My parents too.Hugs to you, and just give yourself some time away and see how things unfold. There is a point in our lives that we realize that some people really are just toxic to us and the world around them, and we cannot change them, and we only keep hurting ourselves by continuing to try to have that connection with them that would be ideal, or usually close to how happy, positive people interact. We all have our own battles to choose, and even for people we love, we cannot continually sacrifice ourselves to try to have a relationship because it's what we know would be "the right thing to do" if they would just treat us right. Because honestly, the right thing to do is to create and spread happiness, not take abuse from others because that is the only thing they are choosing to offer no matter what we try to offer them.After my crazy dysfunctional family growing up with abuse, alcoholics, anger, hate, family going to jail, pulling guns out on each other, and them only getting worse, and me running straight into abusive relationships with my ex boyfriends and ex husband, my advice is just ..... give yourself time away and don't try to fix people that are so broken they only keep draining and hurting you. Protecting yourself is just as important as helping others. Much love and peace to you!
