I'm kinda disturbed by how superficial I've become

I've always found myself to be a very interesting, genuine person, but I just feel like that self security is being challenged lately. let me just say, that I am not blaming anyone but myself for feeling this way, i just want to express why I am feeling so. I find myself reading books not just to read them for myself, but just to say I've read them. I find myself doing adult things just to say I've done them. I've even gone to protests just to say I've been to protests. I feel horribly contradictory and superficial for some of the things I've done just for image, and just want to be able to be happy with myself how i am. I always had placed so much in having long hair and playing the guitar, like I was different and unique, and that of course gave me a lot of "unique" points throughout highschool, but reality is, huge chunk of guys have long hair, always have, and frankly just about EVERYONE plays the guitar.
updated by @lino-sanchez: 02/14/15 07:26:52AM

yet some times even hesitate to say i do, and will just say like piano instead (which is also true), just so i don't get written off as just another guy who plays the guitar. I sometimes just wonder why people or a girl would be interested in me, if there are so many other guys like me out their, who are even better at what i claim to do. i find myself increasingly judgemental of myself, comparing my accomplishments with those of others, and feeling quite insecure. basically yeah, i am a highscool student who lives with his parents, doesn't have a job, never has had a job, never did any super big volunteer project, not too much really to put on my resume or make myself sound unique to someone. but then again, i guess it really is all just how you tell it right? I guess I'm just kinda drowning in how to save myself as me. While I find myself struggling to keep up with what i think would make me more "appealing" i feel I'd be becoming less and less of my true self. what if my true self were someone who didn't like to be active in protests, didn't want to spend time volunteering, didn't like to read, and so on. would that still be appealing? I'm anticipating some will take this post the wrong way and think that i am striving to hard to be superficial and condemning those who impose this on me. this is not my intention. just how i brutally honestly feel

moved out of intro to life issueswhy are you trying to be anything or fit an image. be true to you whatever thsat means if u like reading comics read commics if u want to play banjo harp or flute just do what u like to do not to be cool but because u enjoy itand books why read something u dont like just to say u did?why not read things noones read just cause u wanted to read itlifes an adventure live it you cant waste your time trying to impress others if you do you miss out on all the things that make you you..bu trying to be unique you become less unique then you would be if u just simply be..u need to find your passion and focus on that hell even if ya wanna be a balerina if its your passion its you..uniquely you


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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

u wrote more okwellwho really cares what kinda person u turn out to be appealling is in the eye of the beholder after allcrusty punks eatting out of garbage cans are appeallimg to the people who find them a[ppealingwife beatting assholes are appealling to women who like to be victimsthe most boring accountant on earths appealing to someone who wants a quiet life and bills paid and not much else..the point is..whoever your true self is will be apealling to those who find that appeallingstop trying..start being..come to the gathering its a great way to get in touch with the real you


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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

yeah thanks se, with your words of wisdom. it helped. but on the regard of crusty punks... i have some friends who have like lived on the streets and backpacked on their own and all that stuff, and like i find that very appealing, yet feel somewhat insecure that i have never done anything like that. like, they have done something holy that i have not, that they are that much wiser than me..

like i said come to the gathering it'll be exactly the experience u need..its very empoweringand well no msatter how out there your true self is ya just find acceptence.. lino sanchez said:

yeah thanks se, with your words of wisdom. it helped. but on the regard of crusty punks... i have some friends who have like lived on the streets and backpacked on their own and all that stuff, and like i find that very appealing, yet feel somewhat insecure that i have never done anything like that. like, they have done something holy that i have not, that they are that much wiser than me..

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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

You're unique just like everyone else :DSeriously though make a conscious effort to discover who you are, if that means tuning out to tune in then do it.Stop watching cable all together and stop as much media intake as possible or at least control it.You can do some simple but profound soul searching exercises and rituals to get you in touch with your essence.Make a few lists like, my favorite things in life are, and things I dislike are, my dreams are, if I could go anywhere I would go, my dream life is, and fill in those blanks with as many things that pop into your mind, don't question what you are writing or resist writing something down.Write down the things you would like to shed in your life, past experiences and ideologies that you hold to that no longer suite you or your needs and place them in a box, have yourself a little (or big) fire somewhere and tell yourself you are releasing your past and all that you no longer need and toss the box in the flames and watch them burn.Life is about self discover and it sounds like you are on the brink of a turning point in your life.We are always changing, shedding and transforming and one day you may just be steady and easy going and find out you are who you are and that you really have come along way.Life's a journey, enjoy the ride and love yourself Blessings

yeah definately. thanks guys. i shall make a list, and continue to play the guitar but what also troubles me, is my lack of a political standpoint. i really don't want to be labeled a liberal or a conservative or anything. and truth is, lot's of protests i find to just be pointless. like to be brutally brutally honest, a protest against capitalism, or big corporations.. i JUST DONT CARE. yeayeayae i know, thats bad, yes i morally agree with the moral side, but damn i don't know if i'd get into it enough to actually get involved. protesting for the purpose of protesting.. i honestly can't stand that idea, yet it has SUCH an appealing connotation to it, which i completely resent. as if, if you did nothing, you'd just look ignorant

theres sooooooooooooooooo many things worth protesting and once again its just about finding what your passion is like animal lovers would be more into protesting fur ot meat while if your passion is human or civil rights you might want to protest the patriot act or of your passiosd peace justice whatever theres so many options but the important thing is to find whats right for youi think though youve been too focused on what others think to even explore what you think for yourself..so 1st..give yourself permission to not have to appeal to anyone..then when your not putting on an act to please the world you'll get bored doing nothing and automadicly gravitate towards what excites you and one day you'll be watchuing the news and think "thats just wriong" and you';ll be off to protest against somethiong thats important to you lino sanchez said:

yeah definately. thanks guys. i shall make a list, and continue to play the guitar but what also troubles me, is my lack of a political standpoint. i really don't want to be labeled a liberal or a conservative or anything. and truth is, lot's of protests i find to just be pointless. like to be brutally brutally honest, a protest against capitalism, or big corporations.. i JUST DONT CARE. yeayeayae i know, thats bad, yes i morally agree with the moral side, but damn i don't know if i'd get into it enough to actually get involved. protesting for the purpose of protesting.. i honestly can't stand that idea, yet it has SUCH an appealing connotation to it, which i completely resent. as if, if you did nothing, you'd just look ignorant

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My new book Ban The Taboo Vol 1

yeah, i need to get over the whole "putting on an act" thing, and stop this irrational fear of me being seen as ignorant. i guess its just that, the people i usual hang out with or talk to, or "associate with" are generally very liberal, and into activism, and all that, and i guess i just feel pressured is all.