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Location: Los Ebanos, TX
Zipcode: 78565
Country: US

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How I came to the point of dreading: Enjoy loves :)

user image 2012-09-27
By: Dee4
Posted in:

I had lost track on how long I have been dreading had to look back on my calendar to check on the date. April the 9th 2012. Wow I remember thinking about it for a long time till that day I said it shall be done. I was going thru so much stuff that now I can talk about with out becoming emotional and breaking down to pieces. On October 12th 2011, while at work I started feeling chest pain and as a nurse you know that chest pain is not normal or a good sign specially followed by numbness of the limbs. My 12 hour shift started out as usual at the local hospital, then at noon my heart rate went all crazy and my chest began hurting. I spoke to my manager at that time and was sentdownstairs to the emergency room and was seen by the doctor real quick then I strated to become foggy and dizzy.The top of my scrubs were split down the middle and I blacked out for what felt like hours. I woke to the sound of an EKG machine beeping and with an oxygenbeing fed thrumy nostrils.I turn to look at the machine and my heart rate was at 142 bpm. Surounded by nurses I asked what was going on and they toldme to relax I closed my eyes and could feel my heart beating in my head. I though I was having a heart attackuntil the doctor walked in and told me to sit up. He explained that what had just happened was not a heart attack but, a severe anxiety attack. I was so scared because it had never happened before so many questions raced thru my head why me why now why with out a warning what triggered it. So the doctor decided to give me a pill to slow down my heart rate n calm me down. I began to ask so many questions he told me to relax and lay down. Which I did and the pill that was given to me (xanax) knocked me out for two hours I woke up again and my heart rate was at 68 which is in the normal range. Soon after that I was having anxiety/panic attacks several times a day lasting about 2 hours at a time. I tooksick leave for2 months after the2 months were over, I went back to my job and wasconstantly having to leave the floor to relax or take a pill. Soon after that I quit my job and was home for 7 month trying to figure out how to control what my body wasdoing. Eventually I figured I needed a change while meditating I pictured myself with dreadlocks, a state of well being and at peace with myself. Soon after I looked up a person who said" I can make dreadlocks" not really knowing much about the subject I went to see this person. He used back combing and wax in my hair I just let it be as I knew I was starting a journey on a path that I would be walking down on my own. Soon after that I found this site removedthe wax using dawn dish soap and hot water (so glad the wax was not the thick kind but, more like vasaline) soon after I removed therubber bands. Nowmy dreads have been free forming for a little over 4 months I think time really does not matter when it comes to dreading is something I have learned from people that have dreaded for a long time. Now my med intake has reduced drastically and I carry a pill with me just in case and knowing that I have it eases my mind a bit. I rarely feel anxious now and when I do I run my hands thru my hair and I automatically become relaxed. I found a new job whenmy dreads where at a very young stage my boss really did not mind as I control the frizz as much as possible. I love how people take second looks at me when I wear my scrubs and have my dreads down. My patientsget a kick out ofthem. I feelthatI am very happy with myself, my job and my life. I at that point where I know exactly when my body will decide it is going to freak out lmao.. You know I just do not worry about it (anxiety/panic attacks)any more I know what is going on and know it will go as quick as came. Today we had very heavy rain and I stood outside in the middle of the yard anddid standing meditation while the rain poured down on me (glad I was not hit by lighning) I felt at ease and sort of felt like my body was being cleansed of some stress I was holding on to from work. My dreads feel awsome and so soft right now I feel great.. Beliving in a higher power (not just God) helped me a bunch, knowing that my body is just a vessel for my spirit andundertanding myself has changed me so much in a year. It was not just about the dreads or the meditation or medication, this is me at my true form a child of the planet roaming free I constantly tell myself I do what I want to do with out holding back. I have met new friends let go of negative people. I am now know as the free spirit. Ok well to whom ever took the time to read all of this thank youfor your time and may your higher power (which exists with in you) take you to a place of freedom as it has taken me...

10/28/12 09:35:09PM @dee4:

Forgot to add the link.. Here it is..

10/28/12 09:32:08PM @dee4:

@Micheal Thank you some medication does actually work. I strongly feel its a mind over matter sort of deal. I looked into this thing called New Though which sort of helped me understand that we can can control our feelings. For me having that reassurance that I have a pill in my pocket makes me feel a bit safe you can say, just incase of a panic attack. I am attaching info on New Though copy and paste it then look further into it. It will sure help you understandwhat I am trying toexplain. Explore your options and try to push yourself on a daily basisdo not stay stuck in a rut :). It is a matter of growing, accepting and changing.Also good luck with your journey and never loose sight or hope.

10/28/12 06:02:02PM @michael6:

Thanks for posting, glad there are people here i can relate too, Im pretty much in a deep rut in my life with major anxiety issues tht keep me stuck in the same spot. I havent went to a doctor because from all the research Ive done I just presume theyre gunna prescribe me a handfull of pills to numb me out, insteada acutally helping me. Started neglect dreads a few days ago. Hopefully I grow with my dreads as u have. :D Goodluck on your journey.

10/09/12 09:57:20PM @aria:
Agreed. U have no control over what ur body does. Knowing the signs however does give u control over how u react to the symptoms. whether or not u chose to loose control into a full panic attack or just breath thru the signs like shortness of breath chest pain high heart rate. I feel more in control now that I know what's going on and I can keep myself calm and breath thru it. And ya I totally get it. I don't take the everyday meds they gave me but I also carry around my adavan pill in case I do loose all control and need a quick fix.

10/09/12 09:25:15PM @dee4:

@Aria Thank you for your comment.. I agree with you it is a very scary feeling to go thru. I do not wish that upon anyone. I also stopped taking the meds as perscribed and started taking them prn. I usually carry one in my scrub pocket and just knowing that I have it there makes me feel like I will not get a panic attack. In fact it is all psychological (as per my conclusion) if you have control over your body and actually understand what is going on at that moment you will know that pretty soon it will be over and you will be back to normal. As for today I had one when I was at a patients home I took a deep breath and could feel my heart racing then I started to sweat. I told myself all is good I reached into my pocket and played with my pill 30 minutes later I felt better.. When I got home I felt super tired and just took anap my heart is still racing as I am typing this so what I am going to do is that I am going to go aboutmy normal evening rotine and go for a jog. Screw anxiety and panic attacks..

10/09/12 08:33:26PM @aria:
I work nursing in an Acute/long term care facility. I also love wearing my scrubs and dreads and I totally have an anxiety disorder too. Was at work one day(when I was a flagger) and got an ambulance to the hospital. They thought I might be having a heart attack or stroke and so did I! Scary time in my life. Got to the hospital and they gave me an adavan and told me I had just had a panic attack. They gave me mess I'm supposed to take everyday to help as a mood controllant. I stopped taking my meds shortly after they were given to me. I believe ur emotional well being is something u need to work on in ur life. Become more and peace with urself and ur life. Not take a pill for. I still get bouts of anxiety but I have learned to breath through them and recognize the signs so that I know I'm not dying or having a stroke. I just need to breath it out.

09/30/12 09:27:59PM @coloursnrainbows:
Soo true! It's all about how you deal and make out with it. You are very strong and that strength will follow you. <3

09/29/12 06:03:27PM @dee4:

@Marlee you are very welcome. @Colours it sure has been a crazy journey and never wish it upon anyone but, at times we need life changing things to happen to be able tochange,evolve andappreciate every single moment good or bad. To every one else much love...

Marlee Batchelder
09/29/12 12:30:42AM @marlee-batchelder:

I really appreciate you sharing this <3

09/28/12 09:48:14PM @sanare:

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