Blogs
Hello Everyone,
I took some time out to make a couple of videos apologizing to a beautiful soul that I wanted to say sorry for saying hurt things,and trying to control what decisions this person was making for that person's life path. Changes can be a challenging lesson. I know that I have to walk through my fears and face my challenges. I hope truly that this wonderful person will forgive me.
I had a perception of how things were and then everything changed within an instant. It through me off balance and I reacted in a way that I am really not proud of. I hope this person reads this or watches my videos because I really truly and honestly feel sorry.
I have decided to just allow this person to have their space and if that person is ever interested they can feel free to contact me anytime. Because I really do want to be friends. I would not want to miss the chance to have another good friend.
I decided to share these videos because hopefully someone can relate to what I am talking about and going through and learn from it. I have learned a tremendous amount this year thus far and I am happy that I even was lucky enough to meet such an awesome person. I have no right will I ever have the right to tell anyone how to live their life because what works for me may not work for others.
I am taking time to declutter my house and organize my life more and it is helping me to see the world the way it really is. I am living in the moment of now. Right now, I am sorry for the things I have said. The words are out and I know better than to just spout out words out of anger and sadness to someone especially when this person has been nothing but supportive of me and my art and my life.
I never wanted to disrespect this person. And I think I crossed the line. I am going to hope and wish for the best for this person and their family and bless them all because they are beautiful people living their lives as best they can.
This Fall Season for me is a time for deep reflection and very important insights. It is truly very important to take of care of yourself and make yourself healthy so that you can be a healthy person for friends and family. And I am not talking just about food and nutrition and exercise. I am also referring to the mind. Being mindful of you say and do and how it affects others is a healthier way of living. Ranting and raving about something that I can not control is going to make things worse for everyone involved.
I am feeling much more peace within my mind,body and soul for admitting these things to myself. I believe that this is the only way that I can move forward and create positive changes in my world.
I am living life the best that I can and I will learn from my mistakes so that I will not repeat this in the future.
This person is awesome,wonderful,talented, and amazing! And I now can say that I am truly and completely glad that I met this person because if I hadn't I may not have learned this important lesson.
Insights that I am having are helping me to understand fully.
I will always and truly be available for friendship if this person is interested.
Peace and Love to you all, Be kind and patient with yoursef so that you can be kindand patient to others as well.
I've got so much going on right now! From trying to book photoshoots, to trying to run my website, to trying to enjoy this dread journey! Not to mention we are moving in 8 days... O wait, I don't even know if that will be happening anymore because, as sad as it is, our landlord-to-be just passed away! So yea, I have a lot on my mind right now.
I'm hoping to find peace within myself here soon, but it is hard with so much going on. On top of all that I am a mother of 2 little boys, and one with autism and everyday is a battle with that too. I would never change my child having autism though because he has the coolest personality He says the funniest things and is so thoughtful, even at the age of 2.
I'm just hoping things get easier here shortly.. My husband was just offered a job at Apple (computers), so maybe our money issues will at least be settled!
blehhhhhh...
I think my biggest battle is going to be the transition from shampoo dependency and the fight against the gunky scalp. Found this recipe from chescalocs on Youtube. Did it tonight and I am already feeling some relief. Ahhhhh. Don't know if it is bad for my young and developing locs but I needed some scalp relief. Phew!
Baking Soda Deep Clean ingredients:
(note: these ingredients have been tweaked to balance the ph levels when combining ACV and Baking Soda)
Large bowl of warm water
1/4 cup of baking soda
2tsp of lemon juice
1tsp of sea salt
3/4 cup of acv
Stir until all is well dissolved
I just did this in the sink and dunked my head in in for 5 mins or so, as long as I could stand with my head in the sink, and then rinsed well. Shook dry.
Free associate. Sometimes a writer's tendency toward perfectionism stops him dead cold in his tracks. Give yourself 15 minutes to be totally free of your "inner critic." Set a timer and start typing - write whatever pops into your head, even if it is total gibberish, a shopping list, words that rhyme - whatever. The idea is to get your creative juices flowing. Some writers do this exercise every day before they begin writing.
This is my 15 mins.
things have always been hard. i dont know or why i am like this nay more. is it possibly becasue of my dad dieing? or was all of this brought on by becoming a mother? this is the question that wont stop doing loops in my head. whould things be the same if he was still here? but i can never know thw awnser to this question. i just want to talk to him, it feels like everything would be easerer if i could talk to him, he had a way of if not always the thing i wanted to hear, this sucks, like really suckes, why do i have such a provblem dealing with all of this? recurring dreams of packing up all my things, moving away, not the 'main' part of the dream just in passing, i drempt of him the the other day he was just passing by i cant rememebr if he said anything but he was helping me mov things round to the van. i seem to be getting clocer to having everything packed. i have lost count how many dredreams i have had, i still need to pack all this up. why am i having such trouble packing this up? i need to go time is running out, how come everyone else is packed up, maybe they arnt packed up at all and like me just good at looking like i have it all under controll. it pissesm. it pisses me off that i cant get the awnswers i want, i would say need but. . . all the problems im having i cant put them anywhere. is it berevment? PND? depresstion, axziatea? i ahte how i feel at the moment, i dont want to shout and Kyra why do i keep doing that? i just want to talk to you, but i cant. and John why cant ti talk to you? you are trying so hard right now . why did you have to go. i want to scream i wanted to scream but i couldnt bacuse. i coulndt focus on you i had kyra to worry about. you should have been there to see me in hospital with kyra but you didnt come. i know you were exsited but you couldnt stay why did you have to go? im so confused. i dont unerstand, someone explanie it too me plase? i miss you i miss you i need you. im so confused, why do i have these thoughts? i wish they would leave. i dont need to see these things, why would i think thases things? why is so hard?
why why hwy is that all i can ask? where do i go to find these aswers? do i need space? time? i cant do what i want tod. i cant do what i want tot do. i want to be on my own be somewhere where no one knows me. i feel guilty for wanting this, how could i possibly do what i need with you two hwe. with you two here? i cant just run away but its all i can seem to think about.
you have been so strong they tell me. like fuck have i. its not fair on Kyra. she has ro deal with me. i beat my aslef up because of they way i tear her somethimes. the looks from john when i shout are horrid. i dont mean to shout. i try so hard to be a good mum focus my energy in to that but somethimes ti. things over spill.
My roots are not dreaded for about and inch and a half 2 inches should they be like that and will it dread eventually also if it isn't suppose to be like that what can I do to fix it. I have a picture of the top of my head with my dreads up so you can see what im talking about. But it's a little had to see.